Tough couple of days... Need to vent!

[Jen85]

So we're in week 2 of flare up for my DD age 5. She's on day 3 of antibiotics. Things are SO hard around here. Main stressors are just commitments.. like school.

She wants to go but her anxiety is so bad about everything she won't eat.. and the little I can get her to eat she will vomit all over herself before school. She physically shakes and she just looks MISERABLE.

So.. all morning I see her ocd/anxiety building up and building up... I get her dressed for school.. she pukes up her breakfast on herself.. change clothes... then we're 2 minutes away from the school and she does it again. I have to drive her back home to change clothes/brush teeth. Meanwhile she's screaming she doesn't want to go... clinging to me for dear life.

 

What am I suppose to do? On days like this I just don't want to take her.. I want to take her far far away and leave all our commitments behind.. and just give her the time she needs to heal from this. I know once the infection is gone she will be back to her happy smiling self again.

 

Happiness for both of us right now is just staying home. Not going anywhere. There is only 6 or 7 weeks of the school year left and I want her to graduate from kindergarten.. but I have no idea how much more of this I can take everyday.

 

 

[Dedee]

Oh my gosh! You poor thing......and your poor little girl. That sounds absolutely horrible. I don't know how you keep from just turning around and going back home every day. When everything started for us my daughte had horrible seperation anxiety and terrible anxiety about school. We had many days where she couldn't go to school and many days we had to force her to go to school. Finally we got a letter from her pediatrician and filled out the papers for home bound schooling. This is different from home schooling. This says your child has a physical condition preventing them from attending school and the school is responsible for sending out a teacher to the home to work with the student. In our case my daughters teacher was going to come to the house 3 days a week for 3 hours after school was over. Turned out my daughter only missed a week of school so we didn't end up utilizing it but it was great to know we had it if we needed.

 

Honestly, I wouldn't worry so much about school right now. It really is not so significant in the grand scheme of things. It's kindergarten, there is no reason why she shouldn't graduate. She should be able to miss a couple of weeks with you working with her at home and still do just fine. Your doctor should be able to give you a note. For goodness sakes, this poor girl is suffering. Once my pediatrician saw how my daughter was acting out in the office one day, she would write me a note for anything. You are working in survival mode right now. You just need to get through this acute episode and when things are better you can pick up where she left off. I really hope things are better for you soon. Keep us updated.

 

Dedee

[dcmom]

Could you try abbreviated days?

 

Can you sit outside the classroom?

 

Is there some accommodation you can make, while still getting her there for a portion of time?

 

I wouldn't be worried about school or academics at all- what I would focus on is showing her she can fight the ocd and anxiety and win- that is the life lesson here.

Edited April 3, 2013 by dcmom

[Jen85]

Thank you Dedee for your insight!

I agree.. I just get nervous at keeping her at home because I don't know how many days she can legally miss (even with a doctors note).. I hear horror stories about parents going to jail for truancy so it scares me! She's only missed 3 or 4 days the entire school year. Keeping her home seems to INCREASE her anxiety.. because she knows she's suppose to be at school. So if I keep her out I would have to lie to her and say school is cancelled or something!

I keep hearing about this allergy medicine that also helps with anxiety.... Visitril? I wonder if that's worth talking to her ped about. I don't want her to go on anything serious because I know she will be better within 6-8 weeks if this is like her previous episodes.. and I don't want to put her on Zoloft year-round for such acute anxiety.

 

 

Oh my gosh! You poor thing......and your poor little girl. That sounds absolutely horrible. I don't know how you keep from just turning around and going back home every day. When everything started for us my daughte had horrible seperation anxiety and terrible anxiety about school. We had many days where she couldn't go to school and many days we had to force her to go to school. Finally we got a letter from her pediatrician and filled out the papers for home bound schooling. This is different from home schooling. This says your child has a physical condition preventing them from attending school and the school is responsible for sending out a teacher to the home to work with the student. In our case my daughters teacher was going to come to the house 3 days a week for 3 hours after school was over. Turned out my daughter only missed a week of school so we didn't end up utilizing it but it was great to know we had it if we needed.

 

Honestly, I wouldn't worry so much about school right now. It really is not so significant in the grand scheme of things. It's kindergarten, there is no reason why she shouldn't graduate. She should be able to miss a couple of weeks with you working with her at home and still do just fine. Your doctor should be able to give you a note. For goodness sakes, this poor girl is suffering. Once my pediatrician saw how my daughter was acting out in the office one day, she would write me a note for anything. You are working in survival mode right now. You just need to get through this acute episode and when things are better you can pick up where she left off. I really hope things are better for you soon. Keep us updated.

 

Dedee

[Jen85]

Could you try abbreviated days?

 

Can you sit outside the classroom?

 

Is there some accommodation you can make, while still getting her there for a portion of time?

 

I wouldn't be worried about school or academics at all- what I would focus on is showing her she can fight the ocd and anxiety and win- that is the life lesson here.

 

Last year at pre-school when her PANS flared up I did try sitting outside her classroom, but it made her worse. She had to constantly check I was there. She does better with a swift hug & kiss. If I am confident she can go, she is more confident she can do it. But she will still cry through out the school day, mainly when switching activities.

And that is part of the reason I am still making her go, even on her worst days, is that I don't want "Mr. Worry" to win.....

But some days it's just so hard.. I just want to take her out for a few weeks... let the abx work.. and reduce stress...

[Dedee]

I would check with the school system. If there is a medical reason for her to be out of school, she should be able to be out without any problem. My son had to have tonsils out one year and we had no repercussins. Really, lots of children are out of school for several weeks. Your child has a physical condition. Your daughter needs to understand this as well. This is her body reacting to an infectious process. Once the infection is eliminated she will feel better. She is old enough to understand the simple explanation. In kindergarten my son understood that when he had strep that the chemicals in his brain weren't in the right amounts and it made his brain think strange thoughts, but when the strep went away his chemicals would go back to normal and his thinking would get better. Sometimes he liked to tell that to his friends and they thought it strange but at least he understood it. Anyway, my point is that you should really try to talk with the school officials about taking the stress off of you and your daughter. This is a terrible position for your family to be in. I am sorry for what you are having to go through.

 

Dedee

[Hopeny]

So sorry I would agree to keep her home until you get through the worst. My daughter missed 22 days during the second half of second grade and nobody said a word, I just called her in and never even gave a doctors note. In fact the nurse herself told me it didn't matter. They knew she was sick because they saw it and even when she went she was ending up jn the nurses officr anyway. I think calling the school is a good idea .

[philamom]

Is your daughter happy at all about school when you pick her up? Would she enjoy going if it was just an hour (maybe at the end of the day- or first thing in the morning if she feels guilty)? With a doctors note you could modify her schedule as she works through this flair. Is there anything that would turn school into a positive reinforcement for the next few weeks, and allow her to continue but not bring her to the point where she is crying while in class? Even if its just attending recess.

 

I would not worry about the academics at her age.

 

btw- this has been my daughter every day the entire year, without the vomiting. I feel for you!

Edited April 4, 2013 by philamom

[smartyjones]

jen -- so sorry to hear it's so tough!! i have no concerns whatsoever about her missing school from an academic standpoint. i wouldn't put much weight into these next weeks from a social standpoint either since it's almost to the end of the year. what concerns me is the fact that OCD and anxiety are such 'give an inch, take 400 miles' disorders.

 

why do you say you feel with a few weeks of treatment she will be back to her happy self? my ds has had some issues - like intense contamination food refusal in relation to an anti-viral, that melted away and never returned - so i understand if you have seen it before and believe the same will happen again.

 

however, he's also had things that have come up in exacerbation and stuck after he was healthier -- many relating to school anxieties and refusal.

 

i've found a lot of help from anxietybc.com. could you plan to have her out for maybe a week, but have a schedule of things you do that you plan with her -- like day 1, you get ready for school like normal but go to the library instead; day 2,

you get ready and drive by school; day 3 you get ready and go to school and greet the office staff, etc ?

in that way, you are not having to deal with what you are now (hopefully) but you are keeping the expectation that school is where she ultimately belongs. maybe that would give you a chance to take off the pressure and see how she reacts. also, having a time during each day that you work on something like What to do when your brain gets stuck.

 

just our experience, but my son did well with these types of things when he was in exacerbation - these little baby steps like you would deal with a phobia. now that he is healthier, we have to be tougher, i do think you can relax some things when in exacerbation but i do also fear sliding into bad habits that come from the best intentions that end up more harmful in the long run although helpful in the short run.

 

what do you do in the am when you see her anxiety rising? are you familiar with The Explosive Child? we've gotten much help from the repeating tactic. like she says she doesn't want to go - do you then explain she must and you don't want mr. worry to take over, etc, etc --it can be really helpful to just repeat what she has said -- "you don't?"; she -- i hate it and i feel sick all day; you -- 'you feel sick all day?' it can be a good way to keep the level from escalating and can sometimes lead you to some good insights. often for my ds, it would throw it back to him and he would realize he didn't really need to argue his point and he'd drop it. also, i found it a really good way to stay involved with him without me being dragged into the emotion of the ordeal.

 

good luck!!

[Missmom]

We use vistaril when anxiety gets to be too much... It seems to be a great medicine for my ds and I feel comfortable using it. Just seems to take the edge off. It is a simple antihistamine and non addictive and can be used as needed. Our neurologist actually reccomended it. Also it has been around for a very long time and is generic and cheap. Only problem is you need a Prescription to get it. My son is 12 and takes a 25 milligram pill not often but as needed.

[mar]

I feel the pain so much!!! Ds with all the issues never did this and then with dd this was the worst!!! She had an i think 1st grade or kindergarten but what ever it was bad. She had massive aniexty every morning with my stomach hurts and diarrhea. She went on bus but then would not go. She screamed bloody murder and could not drag her out of car into building. Took here home and made her stay in room to rest and sleep bc she missed school. Had a talk with her and she said she did not want to sit next to certain boy had teacher chance seating and she went back. But then in first grade same thing again every morning was stress and worry in eye and diarrhea and I became the harsh parent. I remember being out there every morning riding bikes before I drove her to school and told her to be strong. She would have tears for the whole 5 min drive and ask if i will pick her up. I said no bc have to be home for ds bc they are on diff times. I remember calling DH and saying what the heck am I supposed to do!! It was weeks and months of embedding in her head that the stomach pains and diarrhea are stress related and if u stop worrying it will go away!! I would tell her if she doesn't go I will go to jail bc kids need to go to school. She lived through the toughest 1st grade teacher!! She was like a drill Sargent! This I think made dd axiety worse bc her teacher was so harsh! I recall talking to her teacher the second week of school to try to figure out why she does not want to go and the teacher tells me she talked during restroom break and got punished and that she got moved in class. That she needs to stop talking!! Restroom break seriously!! This teacher should be a fifth grade teacher. All the aniexty my dd went through is crap due to her!!! The only good thing is that all other teachers will be the best. She has an awesome nice teacher in second grade now and is doing well. She knows now that if her belly hurts its stress and she worries big she takes bus to and from school now. Kindergarten and 1st grade in the beginning were horrible!! My stress level was up the roof!!!! Every morning of smiling riding bike and telling her that belly ache is not sickness and telling her to be strong!!! Reminding her that diarrhea does not mean your sick that it is a sign of worry and aniexty and telling her that we all get it and you need to be strong. I think the axiety with her was more then dealing with ds. The crying and trying to get her out of car bc she was so strong headed?! It took a toll on me!!! She might hate me one day but I keep telling her I will go to jail if she does not go to school. In my case I feel u can't give in. If she seen me give in and say don't go to school she was happy. Sometimes tough love has to work but again every child is different. She is so much better this year bc she has a great teacher and also as she is getting older shd realizes she needs to be strong and focus when belly hurts.

Mar

[mar]

Jen 85 h can pm me. My dd had this in kindergarten and it's hard!!

Mar