Inconsiderate family members..

[EmersonAilidh]

make me sad.

My aunt & her son (from Chicago) have been staying with us for a couple of weeks now. Her boyfriend from Chicago came down to visit her & she was organizing a big "family dinner" thing for everyone to meet him. She told us today that dinner was tonight at six at a restaurant called Red, Hot, & Blue. I can't eat meat or gluten.. I asked her to change the restaurant to P.F. Chang's, since they're pretty gluten-free friendly, & her response was "Well, I'm craving barbecue." She told me that if I was "going to be like that" & couldn't eat anything there.. Then just don't come.

 

Looks like someone will be spending another night with Amy's Gluten-Free microwave meals & TiVo. Thanks, P.A.N.D.A.S.

Does anyone else have problems explaining that their gfree diet isn't just a preference when you don't have a diagnosis besides P.A.N.D.A.S. to back it up? Everyone just thinks I'm a picky eater & it really bothers me..

[tpotter]

Constantly. Good luck.

[peglem]

make me sad.

My aunt & her son (from Chicago) have been staying with us for a couple of weeks now. Her boyfriend from Chicago came down to visit her & she was organizing a big "family dinner" thing for everyone to meet him. She told us today that dinner was tonight at six at a restaurant called Red, Hot, & Blue. I can't eat meat or gluten.. I asked her to change the restaurant to P.F. Chang's, since they're pretty gluten-free friendly, & her response was "Well, I'm craving barbecue." She told me that if I was "going to be like that" & couldn't eat anything there.. Then just don't come.

 

Looks like someone will be spending another night with Amy's Gluten-Free microwave meals & TiVo. Thanks, P.A.N.D.A.S.

Does anyone else have problems explaining that their gfree diet isn't just a preference when you don't have a diagnosis besides P.A.N.D.A.S. to back it up? Everyone just thinks I'm a picky eater & it really bothers me..

Well, I wouldn't let her insensitivity ruin my evening. Do they have salad? You can probably find something there to eat, even if its just side dishes.

[Fixit]

make me sad.

My aunt & her son (from Chicago) have been staying with us for a couple of weeks now. Her boyfriend from Chicago came down to visit her & she was organizing a big "family dinner" thing for everyone to meet him. She told us today that dinner was tonight at six at a restaurant called Red, Hot, & Blue. I can't eat meat or gluten.. I asked her to change the restaurant to P.F. Chang's, since they're pretty gluten-free friendly, & her response was "Well, I'm craving barbecue." She told me that if I was "going to be like that" & couldn't eat anything there.. Then just don't come.

 

Looks like someone will be spending another night with Amy's Gluten-Free microwave meals & TiVo. Thanks, P.A.N.D.A.S.

Does anyone else have problems explaining that their gfree diet isn't just a preference when you don't have a diagnosis besides P.A.N.D.A.S. to back it up? Everyone just thinks I'm a picky eater & it really bothers me..

 

Your pandas explains your condition...

Your aunt being a real pickle has no explanation!

 

And yes.even as grown up ...trying to explain to peiopole who can eat what ever they want..or think they can eat what ever they want and you see they or their children have somthing going on.......will probably always be an issue...

[EAMom]

I agree with Peglem. I bet you can get by with side dishes/salads. Can you eat baked potatoes/side of veggies?

[ajcire]

I wouldn't go and eat salads only because I wouldn't want to spend time with someone who was so inconsiderate... It would be one thing if she said to you, "Are you sure you can't find something on the menu that will work for you?" but to say what she said... just not acceptable. I know you have had issues with your mom not being supportive but this would be the perfect moment for her to stand up and tell her that she's sorry she won't get to meet her boyfriend but she will be dining at pf changs with her daughter.

[thereishope]

Well, I'm the kind of person that even if I could order a salad, there's no way I would go now! I used to not hold grudges, but sadly, that has changed for me. If you do not go, I would send out an email or make a call NOT bashing your aunt but apologizing you couldn't go to key family members. That way no rumors are spread about the reason you didn't go. But, make sure you don't bash her.

 

Yes, I am used to family insensitivities. I just choose my battles and avoid confrontation if I can.

Edited July 12, 2010 by Vickie

[peglem]

Well, I do work at being tolerant of most people and prefer to think they are not so mean, but just ignorant. I know my experience w/ my disabled daughter has drastically changed the way I see/interpret "bratty" (for lack of a better word) behavior. So, I try to cut others, who have not been subjected to my life changing experiences a little slack. I probably (pre-Allie) would have thought your insistence on these diet things were just attention getting pickiness or something (like maybe your mom should have been stricter w/ you!)....So, I guess I try to understand their lack of understanding and not take it so personal. In this instance, I don't think you should give up a family social event (its not just a meal) because of your aunt's lack of understanding- you are the only one who will lose out if you do. Just my opinion....

The only ones I really have no excuses for are SPED teachers, who by their training claim professional expertise. I figure they should at least be as good at this as I am, w/o professional training.

[norcalmom]

With family, there's always some background or hidden agenda that goes on..but on the surface I would say that in general, when you are invited to a dinner that someone else has planned and already sent out invitation for to a large group - you just gotta "swallow it". She probably thought you were being rude to ask to change it. There is always someone in the group who will be unhappy - and unfortunaley since you choose to be a vegetarian, and you are gluten free, that's usually going to be you. This will probably continue to happen. I'd say just set expectations for any outing to a restaurant very low...and if it turns out that there is something better - great!

 

I would just eat before, and order a plain baked potatao and side salad (bring your own dressing if you need to) and not make a big deal out it. Maybe they willhave rice and beans? (I worry with all the restrictions on your diet that you aren't getting enough protein, minerals and viatmins - I think that pandas stresses the body so much it needs extra, and sometime symtoms aren't directly pandas, but rather result of low zinc or iron that was caused by the pandas)

 

Also - with my son, I am involved in his OCD. And if I dont' cooperate, he takes it as an attack on him. He sees me as being completely insentive to his needs, when in reality our entire household revolves around him. He's younger than you, but you may be having feelings of persecution due to pandas (as well as an insentivie family!).

 

Good luck and don't let it ruin your evening. Sit away from your aunt!

[ajcire]

I wouldn't expect people to always change plans for me and you definitely can't always accomodate everyone but I would expect a level of sensitivity in discussing it with me as an adult and especially if it was someone discussing it with my child.

 

I was a sped teacher in my past life but not sure what you mean peglem

[peglem]

I wouldn't expect people to always change plans for me and you definitely can't always accomodate everyone but I would expect a level of sensitivity in discussing it with me as an adult and especially if it was someone discussing it with my child.

 

I was a sped teacher in my past life but not sure what you mean peglem

Don't want to sidetrack this thread too much (too late for that, I suppose), but let me just say ABA has been the bane of my existence! Teachers who just refuse to try anything else, when that CLEARLY is not working make me very angry. But, they don't get the tolerance, because they should know better, are supposed to know better and have made it their life's calling to know better!!!

[ajcire]

Ah, I hear ya. I can tell you though that at one point it wasn't really up to me.... I was told my class was to be run as a TEACCH class at one point and it didn't matter if I thought that was best for the kids in it... Doesn't sound like that's the issue you are having though

 

I wouldn't expect people to always change plans for me and you definitely can't always accomodate everyone but I would expect a level of sensitivity in discussing it with me as an adult and especially if it was someone discussing it with my child.

 

I was a sped teacher in my past life but not sure what you mean peglem

Don't want to sidetrack this thread too much (too late for that, I suppose), but let me just say ABA has been the bane of my existence! Teachers who just refuse to try anything else, when that CLEARLY is not working make me very angry. But, they don't get the tolerance, because they should know better, are supposed to know better and have made it their life's calling to know better!!!

[matis_mom]

I agree if the whole thing is already planned your best strategy is to eat early and order something simple, or maybe just show up later to say hello.

And about people not understanding, here is an old trick... I hate cinnamon! It always seems rude to say "I hate cinnamon" But I have friend who is actually allergic to it, and she can politely turn things down by saying, "I'm allergic." So now I just say I'm allergic, and people are fine with that.

 

That's it, you ARE allergic to gluten if it makes you sick in any way, so you wouldn't even be lying (like I do! ). It does not matter that you don't have a "diagnosis." Celiac disease is one of the hardest things to diagnose. I have a friend who is about 40 and JUST got diagnosed. She knew for along time some things did not sit well with her, but she didn't have a diagnosis. I am not saying you have celiac, I'm just saying if you know if affects you, then you are allergic.

 

Anyway, my point is, you don't need to get into arguments or give explanations. Just eat before, or bring your own food, and if someone asks just say, "I'm allergic to gluten", or "it just doesn't agree with me".

[emmalily]

make me sad.

My aunt & her son (from Chicago) have been staying with us for a couple of weeks now. Her boyfriend from Chicago came down to visit her & she was organizing a big "family dinner" thing for everyone to meet him. She told us today that dinner was tonight at six at a restaurant called Red, Hot, & Blue. I can't eat meat or gluten.. I asked her to change the restaurant to P.F. Chang's, since they're pretty gluten-free friendly, & her response was "Well, I'm craving barbecue." She told me that if I was "going to be like that" & couldn't eat anything there.. Then just don't come.

 

Looks like someone will be spending another night with Amy's Gluten-Free microwave meals & TiVo. Thanks, P.A.N.D.A.S.

Does anyone else have problems explaining that their gfree diet isn't just a preference when you don't have a diagnosis besides P.A.N.D.A.S. to back it up? Everyone just thinks I'm a picky eater & it really bothers me..

 

ideally, the people who love you would be conscious of the things that bother you (with or without a diagnosis of something). but ideally is reality, and reality is that people who don't have food things just don't get it, aren't ever going to get it, and try as they might to be sensitive, it is ultimately going to be your responsibility to adjust to their "norm" if you don't want to start fights. believe me, i know. there have been some actual arguments in my family because of the cooking situation and eventually you might just have to drop it and just learn how to eat on your own time.

for instance, for several years when i started my restricted diet, my family would all go on vacation together and cook barbecue. they constantly wanted to cook for me, so as not to leave me out, but then refused to follow the rules to keep me healthy (seperate utensils, no seasoning, not being on the same part of the grill as the seasoned food, etc). they didn't do it maliciously, they didn't have the same consciousness of the food that i did because if their chicken bumped into the other chicken they weren't going to be the ones who were sick for the next three days. it's been about fifteen years now and they stillllllllll try to pass me the whipped cream/butter/rolls. now all my meals are cooked earlier/later. it works out fine. in fact, after it was worked out, it's turned into a bit of family joke. no hard feelings, just understanding all the way around that i have to work it out for myself.

 

good luck with the salads

[Suzan]

I have found that I can find something to eat almost anywhere, even at an Italian food restaurant although that gets much harder. Now I am not vegetarian and I know that makes it harder. My 8 yr old had two weeks as a gluten free vegetarian and it is hard to find things to eat at restaurants. But she had salads and rice and potatoes, side items and she seemed to do OK. I was relieved when she decided to start eating meat again since it made things easier on me but I know you can do it. Hang in there and good luck. I'm sorry you are experiencing these feelings with your family.

 

Susan

 

PS... I can't wait to try PF Chang's GF menu!