Behavioral Issues

[Darla]

I came across a GREAT book on help with challenging kids. It talks about children who struggle with flexalbility and low frustration tolerance and how to deal with them. It's not the normal model of parenting with rewards or consequences.. these don't work with these kids. There is a reason. It's a developmental disability that can be common for chilren with adhd etc. It's about kids who lack the skills to do well. It's so far has really go results for a lot of people. It takes a bit to get it, but I am willing to try anything. It's called The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene, PHD.

 

Curious about anyone having used this, please let me know how it has worked.

[michele]

I have read it and can't remember the theory he has. I know my son fits the label"explosive child".We have been doing the 1 2 3 Magic consitantly with time outs and rewards using a chart to symbolize the behaviors we want to see. It is working because he wants "things". To me it reinforces his obsessions with getting things. However the psychologist said little by little you phase out the rewards and they become better by behavior reinforcement/ modification. I sometimes wonder if the psychologist get it? This is the third Dr. to want us to use 1 2 3 magic so I am sticking to it now for three of my kids. Please post back with your findings.

Michele

I came across a GREAT book on help with challenging kids. It talks about children who struggle with flexalbility and low frustration tolerance and how to deal with them. It's not the normal model of parenting with rewards or consequences.. these don't work with these kids. There is a reason. It's a developmental disability that can be common for chilren with adhd etc. It's about kids who lack the skills to do well. It's so far has really go results for a lot of people. It takes a bit to get it, but I am willing to try anything. It's called The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene, PHD.

 

Curious about anyone having used this, please let me know how it has worked.

[Darla]

My son starts to do well with the reward system but the major behavioral problems (exploding when frustrated) does not seem to be motivated by rewards. When I remind him in the moment it almost seems to irritate him more, he'll say I don't care! - he cannot think clearly at this point. This method is CPS model. Collaborative Problem Solving. Here is a pasted paragraph from the first website I listed below:

 

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What is Collaborative Problem Solving?

 

The Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) approach was first described in Dr. Greene’s book, The Explosive Child. The model sets forth two major tenets: first, that social, emotional, and behavioral challenges in kids are best understood as the byproduct of lagging cognitive skills (rather than, for example, as attention-seeking, manipulative, limit-testing, or a sign of poor motivation); and second, that these challenges are best addressed by resolving the problems that are setting the stage for challenging behavior in a collaborative manner (rather than through reward and punishment programs and intensive imposition of adult will).

 

Challenging kids let us know they’re struggling in some fairly common ways (screaming, swearing, defying, hitting, spitting, throwing things, breaking things, crying, withdrawing, and so forth). But if you want to understand why a kid is exhibiting challenging behavior, you’ll need to identify the specific skills he’s lacking. And if you want to start reducing challenging behavior, you’ll need to identify the specific unsolved problems that are precipitating his challenging episodes. The Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems can be very helpful along these lines.

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That's just two paragraphs. You should check out the sites, they have some helpful info. I think there is no one size fits all to parenting kids. For some the reward system works, others it doesn't. I think with my child, it depends on the circumstances.. for some issues I can use consequences and it works but for the major explosions.. it's the CPS model I will be trying. There is a check list on http://www.thinkkids.org/core/pathways.aspx that you can go through to see which skills your child might be lacking in. I am willing to try anything, i'll keep posting updates after I get the hang of it. It's really hard acutally b/c your used to using the model of parenting most use with inflicting their will on the child- being authoriative. Also on that website there are two interviews that you can listen to for free with the therapists who talks about the concept it's worthwhile to listen to it. The link for that is http://www.thinkkids.org/system/next.aspx. Good luck.

 

 

http://www.ccps.info/index.html

 

thinkkids.org

[michele]

I agree Andrew also explodes before thinking. He gets caught up in the moment. He also says he doesn't care. He will rip up the chart. Wow your model is really good! The only problem he fits most of the questions on the list. With four kids all having different issues it iseems very hard to figure this out. Plese post back how this is working. It seems very detailed and complex. Please let me know.

 

We had a very bad afternoon yesterday. My son lost it. He was out of control seems like it was obsession motivated. Maybe it is the stimulant because he seems more anxious on it. He was kicking, screaming, throwing, hitting, ripping, crying, and refusing to seat belt or go to his tutor. I am at a loss here.

 

Now my 13 year old is having major mood issues. She is very unhappy and lashes out at her siblings and parents. She has always been so good and quiet. I am scared. She says she doesn't care when we punish and take away her things. She is slamming doors, shouting and throwing things. Maybe she resents all the attention the sick younger kids get. My youngest has apraxia and hyptonia, and Andrew ADD, anxiety, and tics, and hyptonia. I am so busy taking them to Dr's and appointments. I have four so this is really bad. It is like she doesn't want to grow up and take on responsibilities. How do families keep it together when there is so much dysfunction in the household?

 

 

 

My son starts to do well with the reward system but the major behavioral problems (exploding when frustrated) does not seem to be motivated by rewards. When I remind him in the moment it almost seems to irritate him more, he'll say I don't care! - he cannot think clearly at this point. This method is CPS model. Collaborative Problem Solving. Here is a pasted paragraph from the first website I listed below:

 

-----------------------

What is Collaborative Problem Solving?

 

The Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) approach was first described in Dr. Greene’s book, The Explosive Child. The model sets forth two major tenets: first, that social, emotional, and behavioral challenges in kids are best understood as the byproduct of lagging cognitive skills (rather than, for example, as attention-seeking, manipulative, limit-testing, or a sign of poor motivation); and second, that these challenges are best addressed by resolving the problems that are setting the stage for challenging behavior in a collaborative manner (rather than through reward and punishment programs and intensive imposition of adult will).

 

Challenging kids let us know they’re struggling in some fairly common ways (screaming, swearing, defying, hitting, spitting, throwing things, breaking things, crying, withdrawing, and so forth). But if you want to understand why a kid is exhibiting challenging behavior, you’ll need to identify the specific skills he’s lacking. And if you want to start reducing challenging behavior, you’ll need to identify the specific unsolved problems that are precipitating his challenging episodes. The Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems can be very helpful along these lines.

---------------------------------------

That's just two paragraphs. You should check out the sites, they have some helpful info. I think there is no one size fits all to parenting kids. For some the reward system works, others it doesn't. I think with my child, it depends on the circumstances.. for some issues I can use consequences and it works but for the major explosions.. it's the CPS model I will be trying. There is a check list on http://www.thinkkids.org/core/pathways.aspx that you can go through to see which skills your child might be lacking in. I am willing to try anything, i'll keep posting updates after I get the hang of it. It's really hard acutally b/c your used to using the model of parenting most use with inflicting their will on the child- being authoriative. Also on that website there are two interviews that you can listen to for free with the therapists who talks about the concept it's worthwhile to listen to it. The link for that is http://www.thinkkids.org/system/next.aspx. Good luck.

 

 

http://www.ccps.info/index.html

 

thinkkids.org

[Darla]

I feel bad for these kids. It's not fun for them either. You should definately, pick up the book at your library (thats where I got mine) and read it. It sounds like andrew or maybe all (the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree sometimes of your kids could benifit from this type of model, I bet you will relate and feel like this might make more sense to you. It's not a quick over night thing but it makes a lot of sense. I wonder have you ever asked the doctor about cognitive skills or lack there of and how they relate to problem solving etc? Have THEY ever thought to address that aspect? I hope so.

 

I'm in the process of trying to find a family/ behavioral therapist who has been trained in the CPS model. It is complex but not impossible, I reallyyyy suggest you read it for your sons sake. It could help tremendously. It's called The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene. In case you need it again. Oh did I mention you should read it?

 

I wonder if with your daughter it's more hormonal things going on, with changes in her body etc? I don't have girls but I hear they can be pretty emotional...like crazy!- going through the teenage years, I know I was! LOL I know around that age they struggle between wanting to be a kid still but heading into young adulthood and it can be tough to adapt. ughh

 

I will keep you posted. Hang in there. I tend to feel the main issue for my son is anxiety. He has some ocd once in a while, but I've been giving him a Vit B complex and inositol and that has helped. I haven't done anything with the anxiety part yet. I'm still very much working on this for him, but I will keep on going until I can give him some relief, hopefully without meds!

[datagirl]

Hi Darla,

 

I deal with a lot of explosive behavior/low frustration tolerance with my son, who is 7. I also read Greene's book, and it is helpful. I've sought out a DAN doctor though, who did quite a bit of bloodwork tests. You should also read the book "Healing the New Childhood Epidemics" by Kenneth Bock. I couldn't put it down. The story of a little girl in there fit my son's behavior to a "t". A few days later we got the blood results back and my son had strep titers off the charts, just like the girl in the story. We are still working on trying to treat that (a disorder called PANDAS). Good luck, and hang in there...many people don't understand how it's soooo much more than just ADHD and soooo exhausting and stressful.

 

Jen

[Josey1]

Hi Darla,

 

I deal with a lot of explosive behavior/low frustration tolerance with my son, who is 7. I also read Greene's book, and it is helpful. I've sought out a DAN doctor though, who did quite a bit of bloodwork tests. You should also read the book "Healing the New Childhood Epidemics" by Kenneth Bock. I couldn't put it down. The story of a little girl in there fit my son's behavior to a "t". A few days later we got the blood results back and my son had strep titers off the charts, just like the girl in the story. We are still working on trying to treat that (a disorder called PANDAS). Good luck, and hang in there...many people don't understand how it's soooo much more than just ADHD and soooo exhausting and stressful.

 

Jen

[faithcurtis]

I haven't used it. For my teens who have adhd and at the same time behavioral issues, I prefer to place them in a therapeutic boarding school as an alternative treatment and it works for them which help them understand their condition and learn ways on how to manage it.

Edited April 6, 2011 by faithcurtis

[JoyBop]

I bought that book she. DS 7 pandas was at his worst and before we had his pandas under control so it is t really a fair evaluation of the book. But I have to say that it was very useless for a pandas kid that was having a meltdown or rage attack for no good reason other than their own dysregulation. You could never pick what the issue would be in advance of course, bc there aren't many patterns to their rages, other than when they generally can't get their own way. Talking about things, wether it be in advance or not, didn't make a difference bc all their reasoning skills to out the door.

 

With all that said, I do believe it would work quite well for a child who had control issues, or other reasons for freaking out, other than pandas. It makes good common sense to figure out triggers in advance and let the child solve the problem. Consistency is key! But sadly, this book didn't even come close to helping is through panda attacks.

[qannie47]

some kids are not yet at the point to be able to problem solve in a collaborative way. Transforming the Challenging Child, the Nurtured Heart Approach, by Howard Glasser is the only approach that has not only worked, but offers immediate results.He does have a video. I recommend that. The program itself is not complex, but he offers a lot of insight about these kids that really lends itself to not only understanding your child, but the the success of the program. He was a difficult child.