SAD...

[CSP]

Hi all,

 

Hoping some of you all could help a mother here to get the lump out of her throat, and keep her eyes dry.

 

Son has a good friend who is 6 months older then my son, and because of the dates of their b-day the friend is a grade ahead of my son. A few weeks ago this friend went to his father and told him how another boy makes fun of my son, and his friend did not like this. Well some how his friend is now hanging around with this boy a lot more and standing my son up when they have planned to get together.

 

I'm thankful my son sees what is going on, and is not waiting around to be a doormat for his buddy. I know this kind of stuff hits all kinds of kids I guess when your child is different, one thinks it is because of that, and not because that is what kids do. Period.

 

Husband said, "This will help our son grow and see is disorder in a new light, and he will adjust what he needs to, to make TS fit-in with who he is." I understand that and believe him, but you know how it is, sometimes one just needs to hear it from someone other then a family member.

 

My son has other friends, but this one shared the most intrests, and it is hitting him hard. This is the part that chokes me up.

 

Any advise is welcome,

CP

[ilovedogs]

Hi all,

 

Hoping some of you all could help a mother here to get the lump out of her throat, and keep her eyes dry.

 

Son has a good friend who is 6 months older then my son, and because of the dates of their b-day the friend is a grade ahead of my son. A few weeks ago this friend went to his father and told him how another boy makes fun of my son, and his friend did not like this. Well some how his friend is now hanging around with this boy a lot more and standing my son up when they have planned to get together.

 

I'm thankful my son sees what is going on, and is not waiting around to be a doormat for his buddy. I know this kind of stuff hits all kinds of kids I guess when your child is different, one thinks it is because of that, and not because that is what kids do. Period.

 

Husband said, "This will help our son grow and see is disorder in a new light, and he will adjust what he needs to, to make TS fit-in with who he is." I understand that and believe him, but you know how it is, sometimes one just needs to hear it from someone other then a family member.

 

My son has other friends, but this one shared the most intrests, and it is hitting him hard. This is the part that chokes me up.

 

Any advise is welcome,

CP

I don't have any advise, except to say that this happens to ALL kids. Especially if they are a grade apart. I remember splitting from a friend when I was going into 8th grade and she was going into 9th grade. It was like I couldn't possibly be her friend anymore b/c I was too young. And, yes, she started hanging out with someone who made fun of ME and she did not defend me. I'd see them at football games and they'd whisper about me and my friends, etc. It really hurt. Unfortunately, kids can be cruel sometimes....and so can adults. We all have to deal with disappointment whether we have TS or not. Chalk it up to a learning experience and nothing more. Encourage him by telling him that there's a new friend waiting for him at school next year( I know there was one for me in 9th grade and we were best friends for those 4 years).

Hugs to you and your son today! Praying he finds a new friend or strengthens the bonds with another friend this next year!

Bonnie

[Chemar]

((((((((((CP))))))))))))

 

it happens and yes, not just to kids who have illness/disorders etc, but it does hurt that bit more when it happens to them

 

my son had some "friends" drop him when his TS began to manifest more intensively and yes, it did hurt. He has been subject to ridicule and bullying but has managed to rise way above it. The friends that stayed have proven to be true and that means so much more than the fickle ones.

 

I know the feelings you are going thru only too painfully well ): but your hubby is right that it will help your son get stronger to cope with the challenges that life with TS brings.

 

praying for you and your son to be strengthened and encouraged. And that this friend will hopefully realize just how much more worth there is in your son's friendship

[faith]

(((C.P.)))

beleive me, I think all us mothers go thru this, and I am having to deal with this too, and I am pretty sure it has not anything to do with the ts, as I have told you, none of his friends have really seem to notice enough, and I am not aware of any making fun. But I suppose this happens with all kids. I do remember it from my own childhood. I try to look back at how rotten we girls were to each other, from name calling to pairing off with another friend and flat leaving) and yet went on to be best of friends thru thick and thin in our older years, right down to being each others maid of honor. BUT, that doesn't mean we have to take it all lying down, it is a life's learning experience for all uf us, and hopefully we get thru the baby nonsense coming out stronger and realizing how important friendships really are.

 

Right now my son is sort of taking a little break from a friend around the corner who is two years younger than him. This kid was always coming over here and they have lots of fun together. My son always included him even when he had one or two or three other boys from school over. But this boy's brother (who is a year older than mine) never seemed to like my son and when he (the brother) gets a bug up, lets just say he kind of "disses" him. Now this friend of my son's started acting like he thought he was "cool" (as the kids say LOL) when his brother was around and treating my son like he was lesser than him and even told the busdriver that my son hit him (was not true) and they were both supposed to go to the pricncipal, he was so scared and upset. But than the busdriver asked them the next day what was the real truth and the other boy said they both poked each other and the driver told them to shake hands and say sorry. But you know it really ticked ME off too. I told my son he shouldn't put up with that, that he has lots of other friends. I don't want my son to ever feel like he "needs" anyone, and as you say C.P., should not be a doormat for anyone. If these kids can't treat each other with respect and act like loyal friends, well then they should learn that they will lose their friends and the good times that come with it. I am proud of my son for showing this kid he doesn't need him, and although the other boy has three brothers to keep him company, he is still losing out on the good times that he has over here. Luckily another friend kind of agrees with him and is sticking with him on the bus, but I always worry that my guy will be left in the lurch, and it is way harder for me because mine is an only child. But this is one more reason I have to keep his backbone strong. I know my son is very sensitive, and he is not as big as some of the others, but as pain in butt as he is, he is a loyal friend and he doesn't say mean things to people or hit/kick anyone. As I've told you, my son is attracted to the "live wires" so these things are always what I worry about.

 

C.P. I'm curious if your girls go thru similar things with their friends. I have a friend who says the girls are even worse when it comes to this sort of thing. They get catty and jealous of each others other friends.

 

My advice is to encourage your son to be with his other friends alot more and let this other boy see what he is missing. If that other kid he's hanging around with is the type to make fun of people, I bet he will not hold his friend's attention very long, they are getting to the age where hopefully their common sense kicks in!

 

Luv,

Faith

[CSP]

Thank you all,

 

I felt a little closer to God this morning, understanding how He hurts for all of us. I hurt for my own son and I also hurt for his friend whom I truly love.

 

Faith, my oldest daughter has more friends then I can keep up with. She has a wonderful attitude, but she also was homeschooled and missed a lot of those years when girls get caddy. My youngest is still homeschooled and only has friends from church. These kids are wonderful and everyone gets along, so have not had to deal with that with her yet. I guess if I sent her to middle school next year we would see more of that going on.

 

I will never question God's wisdom, and I know there is a very good reason my son has to go through this. I thank you for helping to take the sting out.

 

 

CP

[patty]

CP,

 

I feel your pain. My heart ached for your son as i read your post. I think this is what every parent worry about that the illness come in the way of friendship. It is so hard for a parent to stand and watch their child hurting and not be able to fix it. I pray and hope that your son will be strong and rise above it, and a new friend will come along soon.

 

I wish for acceptance, tolerance and compassion in the world.

 

Pat

[Kinsella]

I know your heart has to be breaking for your son. You might find this book helpful: "Good Friends Are Hard to Find: Strategies to Help Your Child Find, Make, and Keep Friends", by Fred Frankel, available at Amazon.com. It deals with this issue and helped us a lot.