At my wits end

[pasquale61]

I have to learn how to cope with my 9 year old DS a bit better. His behavior is awful. I find myself in tears most of the time these days. When he walks in a room I find myself walking out of the room. Most times I just don't want to be around him. He's so difficult to deal with. Gives me a hard time about everything. Doesn't appreciate anything. Can not accept no for an answer. I screamed at him this morning. He just kept complaining about taking his medicine, eating his breakfast, what pants he would wear. It was one thing after the next and I snapped. I have two other young boys to deal with. They all have to get dressed, have lunches made and get them off to school. I just snapped this morning and felt terrible about it. After I put him on bus I broke down and sobbed. Than I had to drive to work in tears.

 

 

 

[Chemar]

(((hugs))) to you.

 

Remember you are a wonderful mom dealing with extraordinary difficult circumstances.

 

Hoping you find extra strength and peace to persevere.

[philamom]

Been there, as I'm sure most here have as well. I remember when the only part of the day I enjoyed, was when everyone was finally asleep, and I could find some peace of my own. And, of course you feel guilty because you don't want to be near your child. Hang in there! You will find the answers and things will get better! And your child will one day appreciate all that you have done for him - trust me. Vent away (anytime) and don't hold those tears back - you are a good mama!!! Hugs.

[MomWithOCDSon]

Oh my, yes! We can relate, as philamom has said. FWIW, these moments of conflict and unhappiness don't register with him at the magnitude they register with you, and they will be quickly forgotten by him as he heals and matures. Our DS barely recalls those very tough, defiant, tearful moments, and what recollection he now has is absent any of the dramatic emotion with which the original moments were so fraught.

 

So you have to forgive yourself, cut yourself some slack. You're a good mom, doing the best you can, and you're human, too. You have feelings, too . . . and they can't always be subjugated to your DS's illness. Sometimes you have to walk out of the room because you have to preserve yourself . . . you can't entirely sacrifice yourself to your DS's illness, especially when you have other children to care for, not to mention a future rich and fulfilling life of your own!

 

Just remember . . . "This, too, shall pass." Sometimes with our kids, it seems as though it never will. But it does.

 

And we're here for you in the meantime, so vent away! Cyber hugs to you!

[pasquale61]

Believe it or not I'm actually the dad. Don't see too many dads on here. My spouse and I are on two different pages regarding this which makes it that much more difficult. She just thinks it will all pass. Thinks behavioral issues are just that, All behavioral. She yells and screams till the cows come home. I literally have to beg her to try meds and supplements. If we where on same page it would be so much better. However part of battle is with her. I'm really at my wits end. Doesn't buy the whole PANDAS thing at all. I'm always trying to protect him. She looks at it like I'm being too easy on him. Its a complete role reversal from most marital situations. Very difficult.

[MomWithOCDSon]

I stand corrected! Sorry to have made the assumption, but you're right . . . if I had to hazard a guess, we're probably 10 to 1, moms to dads, here on the forum.

 

I'm sorry you feel so alone in this, but you should know that your situation isn't all that different from many of us . . . it's just that you're the "believer" and she's the skeptic. In my house, I was the believer, and my husband was the skeptic. A man of science, a man of proof, and an "authority nut" to boot, so every time someone with a diploma on their wall said our DS had only psychiatric issues, or that PANDAS wasn't a viable diagnosis, he believed them.

 

But, to his credit, he didn't try to stop me from doing what I felt to my core was right. I wanted him to join me in it all enthusiastically, but I could live with him just going along with me, so long as he didn't openly disparage the path in front of DS or any of the caregiver team I eventually assembled. And he didn't. He's also not a yeller by nature, which helped.

 

Hang in there and see if you can look at her skepticism as a "balance factor" as you go forward. If her position clarifies your thinking, makes your gut more solid, then perhaps it's not all bad. Perhaps it helps keep your fire burning to find the answers for your son.