Worried about ds fitting in

[ilovedogs]

My son is 12 now and he's at a point in his life where he's searching for friends and groups of friends, etc. He's a follower. We homeschool and he has 2 homeschool friends who are really nice boys but some of the kids he meets through his tennis life are a bit too worldly for my liking. Totally regardless of the tics, kids make fun of him a lot and tease him because he's very silly and immature for his age. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that he's very individual and immature(in a good way), he's very ADHD, very excitable, still laughs like a little girl(his voice is years away from changing), and he tries to be everybody's friend.

 

Anyway, we've had an issue with him being bullied on Facebook. I allowed him to get a FB account hoping it would open up his friendships a bit where he could find doubles partners for tennis and talk to his friends more online. Unfortunately, my plan has backfired. 2 of the boys from the tennis community have ganged up on him calling him g*y, making fun of him, making fun of our last name, called him a momma's boy, etc. They used foul language, too, through their whole thread. It was quite disheartening for me. And, these boys aren't friends of his on Facebook, they are attacking him on other kids pages and many of the girls who have read it have told their parents that they felt it was bullying and that they don't participate in it. And, the parents have come to me telling me that their girls are aware of these boys and are keeping their distance, thankfully. Anyway, I haven't spoken to these boys' parents as one of the sets of parents usually says this about their boys, "Well, you know, boys will be boys." And, the other is a whole long story and hopefully I will run into him at the next tournament so I can bring it up.

 

I guess I'm just so worried for his future. I have heard so many parents on these boards and on other local TS boards who have said that their kids have gotten worse in the mid to late teen years with the tics and OCD stuff. I always thought that at age 12 we were in the thick of it by now. I can't find a decent doctor around here who treats tics naturally as I've hit a road block with our current naturopath. I'm trying to decide if I should put braces on ds this next year because he really will need them and it sickens me to think that the ortho work may make tics worse for him. As if braces aren't bad enough! I've just hit a parenting setback, I guess, where I feel overwhelmed and unprepared for the upcoming teen years. It's like I have this feeling that we need to go live on a farm in Montana for the next 8 years so I can hide ds from society so he can tic and be himself and not worry about friends, the internet, school, etc. but I know that's ridiculous. But, it has crossed my mind, LOL!

[Cj60]

Hi Bonnie,

I feel for you. My son is 9; I know those tough adolescent/teen years are coming, and I'm trying to appreciate every second of his boyish innocence now. There was a scarey bullying event featured in a newspaper I read yesterday; I know that tougher times are around the corner.

 

Your son sounds like he's a sweet kid; I guess I would focus on that, support him as much as possible at home, let him know that it's a good thing to be sweet, and keep him away from places where not-so-sweet kids lurk. I know it's easier to say than to do. I'm sure I'll be checking in with you a couple of years down the road to get your advice on what you did

 

I don't know if you checked out the "Finding Medical Help" link at the top of this forum. It's there that I found the AAEM link and from there a dr. that has been very helpful. Hopefully you'll find a lead and locate someone who can assist you.

 

Hang in there!

 

Chris

[cloudy]

Hi

Sorry to hear you and your son are having a bad time.

Have your son's tics got progressively worse in the last year or do you find they have declined at all?

I too am wondering about peak years. Some of the web sites I have looked at have said that tics peak between 10-12 and others say it is the teen years. I think the real answer is nobody knows and each person is different.

Many experts say that some children "grow out" of TS or if not then it does get milder.

 

Having read most of the threads on here from the last few years I was wondering if there are many happy endings or when things get better people just stop posting. Any ideas?

 

With regard to your current troubles, perhaps keep your son away from facebook. I think horrible stuff gets written on there to all sorts of people. You are lucky in the fact you home school. You son might be tougher than you think - if he plays in tennis tournaments he must have confidence.

 

Take care

[mythree]

You are not alone. I too often think of packing up the family and living in the country somewhere to hide away from all that may come. I think we all live with that constant anxiety of things are okay now - or not okay now, but what are they going to be like tomorrow. Teasing terrify's me - - these kids getting teased for their tics is such a scary thought.

 

It is wonderful that your son has an interest in Tennis and is good at it. It gives him another outlet and a way to make friends. It is so sad that the outlet that could have been positive was tainted by mean boys and the internet. I agree with the others - keep him off facebook and hopefully he will make friends with some more suitable children.

 

I have no advice. Just hang in there. And I understand how you feel.

Edited February 3, 2011 by mythree

[ilovedogs]

You know, the reason we let ds start playing tournaments for tennis was to help build his confidence and I truly believe it has done just that. He certainly does tic more during tournaments but it's something that he's good at and it has created a 'family' of friends that we have met, people from all over the country. He competes nationally and has friends from MN, NM, TX, CA, FL, GA, MD, etc that he communicates with on Facebook so I made sure that I have access to his account on FB and his messages get filtered through my gmail account. This is how I found out about the bullying, ds never told me. It actually didn't bother him as much as it bothered me, go figure, LOL.

 

Thanks for the words of support everyone! And, Cloudy: I've always wondered where some of the regular posters go? Did their kids grow out of the tics? Did they go the conventional route and do meds and thus stopped posting? I guess we'll never know. I'd like to think that their kids have outgrown the tics and that life moved on for them. Of course, that could just be wishful thinking on my part.

[mommyfor4]

Hey Bonnie, Sorry to hear this, breaks my heart But... If as you say, he seems less effected by it then you, then pat yourself on the back for a minute...you have obviously instilled enough self confidence and love and support that he isn't yet searching for others approval! Sometimes the way kids treat other kids just sucks! No other way to put it. So far our son ( he's 9) has not encountered too much bullying, but I have to say that when my daughters started with transient tics, I had a moment of panic...girls can be soooo cruel and unfiltered with their comments and behaviour. And I regularly think of "what if he/they get worse?" I dont' really have any advice either just wanted to say that my feeling when I read your post was "you seem to really get it, and are doing all the right things...he's a lucky boy to have you, and at the end of the day that will out weigh the cruelness and ignorance of strangers." They don't know him or try to understand him because of their own insecurities and issues, but he is actively dealing with his because of you! Way to go Mom!!!

 

Strength for your trying moments...

 

Megan