unwanted sexual thoughts, help me!

[Chemar]

I most certainly did not only refer to OCD as "a serotonin imbalance" and yes, hope is the essential element in healing.

 

I do not however want people here to feel that they do not have a "strong mind" when they find they are still plagued by OCD symptoms nomatter how hopeful and positive they may be......it can be very demoralising when people ARE positive and DO pray and meditate and affirm and yet they STILL suffer the symptoms of what is essentially an internal physiological disturbance, based primarily ( but not only!) on neurochemical deficiencies and imbalances.

 

It is the COMBINATION of effective therapies that reaps the lasting benefits IMHO

[LBC 4 LIFE]

Alright I dont want to get on the offense here so listen...Every individual struggle with OCD is unique and of varying degrees. I just thought that I would add my two cents, which is essentially the method that worked for me. Being mindful of how your thoughts arise, what affect they have on you, and keeping track of that can be a great way to reduce anxiety. If I ever feel myself now having an episode of unwanted thoughts and the urge to act compulsively I just step back to the role of self observer. I take a deep breath, consciously tell myself that I am experiencing a medical problem and make a strong effort to move my mind onto the next subject. I wasn't trying to imply that someone who tries hard and still experiences symptoms had a weak mind, in fact I would say that anyone who leads a semi productive life with OCD has an incredibly strong mind. I also do not believe that this way of dealing with the disorder eventually leads to its definite eradication although I can't dismiss this possibility either. But what I can tell you is that putting in the right kind of mental effort not necessarily THE MOST effort but the most effective kind will help you to lead a more functional, healthy, and ultimately more satisfying life. If you have found something better, than more power to you. This is just what has worked for me, and so I figured it may help others as well. OH and I find that comedy is also a great way of dealing. Never be afraid to laugh at yourself.

 

Ciao chemara. All things come to pass. Good luck

[Chemar]

what you are describing is essentially a large facet of CBT, so good that you learned how to do it for yourself. My son had just a few months of CBT and was also able to "take charge" himself. it is great when that happens. He does however have to maintain the good nutrition that is essential to a balanced neurological system too, and maintain his supplements (now only using Inositol for OCD)

 

yes, the treatment protocol that each of us should follow is as unique as we are. that is good. we should always just be careful not to make it seem that ours is THE one, which is kinda how your first post above came across! That can bring discouragement when others try that way and find it doesnt work for them...and then feel inadequate and discouraged.....when perhaps their optimum treatment may be something very different from what works for you

[Florida]

Hi brothers, whats up? Firstly I want you all to relax.Having thoughts about anything(bad, ugly, wrong or whatever) is totally normal and it never means that you desire them.The reason why they keep on coming and never stop is that all the time you try to get them out of your minds.Just relax and let them in, there is no point to try to get away from them.Nothing is "wrong" over here.I know it seems kinda hard to have thoughts about homosexual relationship for a heterosexual man, but they are just thoughts.Desires and thoughts are totally diffrent.Even it is normal to have desires about men sometimes.Or being curious.And you allways should know that your sexual identify cannot change neither you want it or not. So no need to get nervous.Take care, see you later on these pages.

What you said about desires and thoughts being totally different is so true. Everyone has un-wanted thoughts... even non OCD people. Unwanted thoughts don't necessarily have to be sexual either. No one here seems to be acting out their "unwanted" thoughts, just obsessing over having them. Perhaps just understanding that "unwanted thoughts are not desires" may help some with the imagined shame of having them.

[Steve34]

I have suffered from unwanted sexual thoughts since my teenage years. I am now 23 and am still dealing with them. Often times they get so frustrating that I feel trapped. When I first hit puberty I had a huge attraction to women. I was developing normally as a male. When making the transition to high school I got very depressed. My friends were getting into drugs and alcohol and I didn't want to follow them into it. I stopped haning out with them and was left without any friends at all. So I stayed home every weekend and cried to my mom about how I didn't have any friends. Eventually my mom took me to my family doctor and he gave me some Celexa for depression. After about 4 months of taking the Celexa I noticed that I could not get an erection. I didn't know what the ###### was going on. I had no clue that the medicine was causing this problem. So I started to quesiton my sexuality. There was no way in ###### I was gay though because my attraction to women was off of the charts, beforehand. Every time I looked at a decent looking girl at school I popped a boner, but not anymore. Anyway, I was freaked out and tried to stimulate myself. I couldn't get my penis to work. I was in a panick and remembered seeing the movie "Road Trip" where the guy gets his prostate milked by a nurse. Out of desparation I tried this and it helped me to get an erection. I had no homosexual intent by doing this, I was merely trying to help myself out. Anyway as a result of doing this, the obsessive homosexual thoughts flooded my mind. I have been battling them ever since and it is torture at times. In my case the meds were the beginning of my OCD thoughts. They don't help nowdays because of the sexual side effects they cause. They only make things worse. Anyway, I just thought I would put my story out there to help anyone else who is suffering from a similar story.

[littlefoot]

Please can anyone tell me if they have the same problems. I keep having persistent unwanted, really disturbing sexual thoughts about people I know. It is really getting to me and making my life a misery. I have one close person who knows about it, I they are trying there hardest to understand and support me, but it is hard. I really don't wnat these thoughts, and when I have them I feel really gulitly and feel i need to tell this close friend what I have been thinking, because if i dont then somethign bad will happen or the thoughts will continue to play on my mind. I have other ocd sytoms, such as counting things and rearranging things. Please reply if you ahve the same syptoms.

hey since march of this 2004 i too have been having unwanted sexual thoughts at first i thought i was liking in ###### i would wake up with panic attacks and i was so scared, i felt like a completely different person. i have sexual thoughts with any man i see and it is driving me crazy sometimes i feel like i want to take my life so the pain can end if any one else has this ocd problem please let me know and also if there is any solution to this horrible problem.

 

 

Hey guys, I read your post and just felt the need to respond. I feel you both need to seek professional assistance! Have either of you seen your doctor about this, or gotten an actual diagnosis of OCD? My son has been seeing a psychologist for a few months now, and is soon going to start some meds. The psychologist alone has helped a lot!

From what I have read, the unwanted sexual thoughts that you both mentioned are VERY COMMON with OCD. I believe that that aspect of OCD is a very common one. I think it would help tremendously if you started seeing someone (like a psychologist), for the very least to help you to understand that you are NOT crazy, you are NOT a bad person, and this CAN be treated! From what I have read, and from what therapy my son has gone through, there are a quite few different therapies and medications that can sucessfully treat OCD. So, DON'T GIVE up, there really is help for this!! Keep me posted, and I will keep you both in my prayers. :-)

[justme07]

To start at the beginning I was raped at the age of 15 by my boyfriend at the time. He forced me to have anal sex with him - Then after the relationship ended I hadn't realized how traumatic it truly was.. I proceeded to a new relationship and had my daughter when I was 18 - I then went into a severe depression and had a technical nervous breakdown. I started to have unwanted sexual thoughts about my family, my new daughter and many of my friends. I flipped - thought I was a repulsive person that needed to be put away never to see my child again. I went to counseling to figure out what was going on in my head and why I had these thoughts. It boiled down to the traumatic event that occurred when I was only 15 - So at that point I let it ride.. The thoughts gradually decreased - I would go through my patterns where the thoughts would get worse, stronger, and make me feel like I wanted to end it all and leave my daughter with her father - thinking she would be much safer with someone who didn't think like I did. The more I thought about it the more I realized that it wasn't ME that was thinking this way - These thoughts don't determine who I am. The thoughts are scary, annoying and have prevented me from living happily and normally. I KNOW I am not sexually attracted to children, my family or people who are close friends to me - but to have a thought like that come into my head it bothered me.. Still does. I then started to do meditation and was told that there are no 'original' thoughts - thoughts are random and flow through us like air - you have to see a thought and tell yourself it isn't yours and move on.. I keep telling myself that, but now my daughter is 5 years old and I have thoughts of sexually abusing her when I know I NEVER would! It makes me sick to think I would even allow a thought like that into my head, and feel guilty and uncomfortable around her.. She is only 5 and likes to hug and I just can't do it.. I caught myself snapping at her because she wanted a hug.. Then moved into the guilty feeling because it isn't her fault, she just loves her mom and that is all she knows.. So to say the least these unwanted sexual thoughts have put me in a state of wanting to end it all - I tell my husband about these thoughts and he is here for me, holds me when I cry about it, tells me he isn't going anywhere and knows I don't have it in me to ever act on these thoughts - Also says it is just a thought and I need to learn to let it go.. I know if I let it get to me then I will be miserable forever... But also realized that my antidepressant medication could be causing these thoughts - So changing those is on my mind... It feels better to get it out to people that understand and either have or are living it. I guess if you have anything that will help me ASAP let me know.. I don't want to live this way anymore an want to feel normal.

[Chemar]

hello justme07

i am so sorry for all you have suffered

 

here at ACN/Latitudes, the focus really is on alternative methods to treat certain neurological conditions and we are not equipped to provide actual medical or psychiatric help, other than the self help support on these boards

 

PsychCentral has a community that may truly be helpful to you.

here is the link

http://forums.psychcentral.com/

[CarolynN]

Hello Justme07,

 

First please take comfort in knowing you are not the only mother that has had these thoughts about her children. I have had similar circumstances in the exhausting effort of fighting back unwanted thoughts about my children. Let me tell you there is so much hope for you. I understand you are in such a moment of great despair and have been for quite some time.

 

What I really want you to understand is the reason the fear of these thoughts, is so great in you, is because you are thinking thoughts that are the exact opposite of who you are as a mother. You have to realize that when God made us He also created our brains with an imagination. I know this may seem real basic but please hang in there with me. What happens with in this cycle of unwanted thoughts is an unpleasant thought enters into our imagination then our emotions follow with the feeling of fear and now anxiety hits hard. Our emotions do not understand that it was in our imagination and just a thought. So now that sinking feeling enters into our stomach because the fear of "what if I could do that to my child" starts. Believe me I know I have been in your shoes so I completely understand what you are feeling. What you HAVE to do is tell your emotions the truth. You can't just let that emotion of fear run wild. When you start telling that fear you know you would never do that and it is just in my imagination it will make a big differance.

 

I want to share with you that I have been a Christian since 1993. I cannot even tell you how far I have come in this fear of unwanted thoughts cycle. God has taught me so much about how to handle these unwanted thoughts. I think the biggest thing that has helped me is when I start thanking God for those things about me that I know would never allow me to do such horrible things that are in my imagination. For example I would start saying something like "thank you God that you gave me the ability to be able to hug my daughter without doing anything to her". "Thank you God that my daughter realizes I am a safe mother to be with and she wants hugs from me".

 

You need to realize when God made you and I He also made us with freewill. This means we have the choice to choose to do something or choose not to do something. I can tell you 100% that your freewill inside you would never allow you to do what ugly thoughts are in your head. It is not in you to do these things and that is the exact reason it bothers you so much. It is because you are such a loving mother.

 

The other thing I want to share with you, that made a big differance for me, was I realized I was not trusting the way God created me as a person. Let me explain to you what I mean. I was believing that just because I had a thought enter into my imagination meant I could possibly act out that thought. This was even though I knew it was exactly against my character. You have to realize God made us to be able to have a thought in your head but also the ability NOT to carry out the thought with actions. Let me give you some examples. What keeps you from just throwing yourself into walls as you walk even if you pictured yourself in your head doing so? What keeps you from not closing doors on your hands even if the thought enters your head? What keeps you driving on the correct side of the road even if you picture yourself on the opposite side? What keeps you from not going through red lights as you are driving even if in your imagination you are picturing a green light? All of these things do not happen outwardly because God designed us so amazingly that even though you can imagine something does not mean it is to be acted out. Again it comes back to freewill. You are believing that because you have an ugly thought you may compulsively act it out when in reality God gave us the ability not too. When you really think about it we are so amazingly created. So I want you start thinking about the fact that there are differant parts of our brains that constrain us for doing those things we do not want to do.

 

I want you to right now to not think about a blue dog wearing a bright pink hat. My point is when we try not to think about something it does the exact opposite. It gets ingrained into our brains even more. So by trying not to think about your daughter and these thoughts you are actually forcing more thoughts into your head. The only way around this and again, I tell you from experience, is start having a thankful heart and speaking truth over your emotions and it will make those emotions pop like a balloon.

 

I understand you are feeling a great deal of guilt for even letting these thoughts enter in your head in the first place. I believe that you are thinking that a good mother would never even think a thought like that and that leads to more fear. Let me reassure you that I have talked to COUNTLESS mothers who have had unwanted thoughts about their children.

 

As a side note, I mention unwanted thoughts to a lot to new mothers because I dealt a lot with this when my first baby was born. I was at a point where I did not trust myself to touch my new born baby. I was in so much torment. So now I want to help reassure new mothers that these thoughts are nothing to be fearful of just realize they happen because we love our children so much that the thought of doing these things just disgusts us. I always get the same response from mothers when the topic comes up "I have had those same types of thoughts". I think we have to realize that we live in a society where we are very aware of the evil that some people have committed against children, because of mass media and obvioulsy for you because you went through something so horrible as a teenager. So of course the thoughts are going to collide in our minds of "what if I could do something like that". It is a perfectly normal thing for a mother to go through this process.

 

Now the other part of this comes down to even when you "feel you conquered this emotional cycle of fear and anxiety" don't be surprised when you have a thought enter your head again that your emotions will try to resurface. I have had this happen even a year or so after I feel like something has been defeated within me. So I have to start the process over of giving thanks to God for the truth and speaking the truth over those emotions. It is a cycle but it is a cycle with a lot of hope. You will learn so much from this and will be able to help others.

 

I don't know if you read the posting, on this website, I did to desperate. I put in this link a lot of my story and what has helped me overcome my battle with unwanted thoughts. Also, there is a woman who posted a response in this link about her battle with unwanted sexual thoughts and fear of molesting a child. She has now been healed. I also address in this posting unwanted thoughts against God because I have had those too. I thought I would attach it here just for ease of access http://www.latitudes.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=2623

 

I know you don't know me but please know I have walked in your shoes and I can tell you 100% you will never do what fears are running wild within you. It is just what a Pastor of mine called "stinking thinkin". It is just like when you go to a scary movie and all of a sudden your emotions are believing that what is happening on the screen could happen to you so your emotions start getting fearful. This may seem like a crazy statement but if you really think about it our emotions are not exactly smart. Your emotions can easily be deceived and we need to hold a lot of caution in trusting our emotions over God's truths.

 

I also wanted to recommend a tape series that helped me sooooooooo much. It is called "Victory over Depression" by Bob George. I believe it is a series of 6 cds (they all come packaged together for the price). The first cd may seem a little long and slow but then He really gets going on why we let our emotions get so far out there. I would really recommend this for you. http://store.silaspartners.com/merchant.mv...duct_Code=CDVOD . Also he has a book on the same topic at http://store.silaspartners.com/merchant.mv...oduct_Code=BVOD

 

Trust in God and the way He made you, thank Him for how he made you with constraints, and thank Him for giving you such a blessing in having a child. He wants the best for you. God loves you so deeply and loves you daughter too.

 

I will be praying for you!

 

Carolyn N.

[justme07]

Hello Justme07,

 

First please take comfort in knowing you are not the only mother that has had these thoughts about her children. I have had similar circumstances in the exhausting effort of fighting back unwanted thoughts about my children. Let me tell you there is so much hope for you. I understand you are in such a moment of great despair and have been for quite some time.

 

What I really want you to understand is the reason the fear of these thoughts, is so great in you, is because you are thinking thoughts that are the exact opposite of who you are as a mother. You have to realize that when God made us He also created our brains with an imagination. I know this may seem real basic but please hang in there with me. What happens with in this cycle of unwanted thoughts is an unpleasant thought enters into our imagination then our emotions follow with the feeling of fear and now anxiety hits hard. Our emotions do not understand that it was in our imagination and just a thought. So now that sinking feeling enters into our stomach because the fear of "what if I could do that to my child" starts. Believe me I know I have been in your shoes so I completely understand what you are feeling. What you HAVE to do is tell your emotions the truth. You can't just let that emotion of fear run wild. When you start telling that fear you know you would never do that and it is just in my imagination it will make a big differance.

 

I want to share with you that I have been a Christian since 1993. I cannot even tell you how far I have come in this fear of unwanted thoughts cycle. God has taught me so much about how to handle these unwanted thoughts. I think the biggest thing that has helped me is when I start thanking God for those things about me that I know would never allow me to do such horrible things that are in my imagination. For example I would start saying something like "thank you God that you gave me the ability to be able to hug my daughter without doing anything to her". "Thank you God that my daughter realizes I am a safe mother to be with and she wants hugs from me".

 

You need to realize when God made you and I He also made us with freewill. This means we have the choice to choose to do something or choose not to do something. I can tell you 100% that your freewill inside you would never allow you to do what ugly thoughts are in your head. It is not in you to do these things and that is the exact reason it bothers you so much. It is because you are such a loving mother.

 

The other thing I want to share with you, that made a big differance for me, was I realized I was not trusting the way God created me as a person. Let me explain to you what I mean. I was believing that just because I had a thought enter into my imagination meant I could possibly act out that thought. This was even though I knew it was exactly against my character. You have to realize God made us to be able to have a thought in your head but also the ability NOT to carry out the thought with actions. Let me give you some examples. What keeps you from just throwing yourself into walls as you walk even if you pictured yourself in your head doing so? What keeps you from not closing doors on your hands even if the thought enters your head? What keeps you driving on the correct side of the road even if you picture yourself on the opposite side? What keeps you from not going through red lights as you are driving even if in your imagination you are picturing a green light? All of these things do not happen outwardly because God designed us so amazingly that even though you can imagine something does not mean it is to be acted out. Again it comes back to freewill. You are believing that because you have an ugly thought you may compulsively act it out when in reality God gave us the ability not too. When you really think about it we are so amazingly created. So I want you start thinking about the fact that there are differant parts of our brains that constrain us for doing those things we do not want to do.

 

I want you to right now to not think about a blue dog wearing a bright pink hat. My point is when we try not to think about something it does the exact opposite. It gets ingrained into our brains even more. So by trying not to think about your daughter and these thoughts you are actually forcing more thoughts into your head. The only way around this and again, I tell you from experience, is start having a thankful heart and it will make those emotions pop like a balloon.

 

I understand you are feeling a great deal of guilt for even letting these thoughts enter in your head in the first place. I believe that you are thinking that a good mother would never even think a thought like that and that leads to more fear. Let me reassure you that I have talked to COUNTLESS mothers who have had unwanted thoughts about their children.

 

As a side note, I mention unwanted thoughts to a lot to new mothers because I dealt a lot with this when my first baby was born. I was at a point where I did not trust myself to touch my new born baby. I was in so much torment. So now I want to help reassure new mothers that these thoughts are nothing to be fearful of just realize they happen because we love our children so much that the thought of doing these things just disgusts us. I always get the same response from mothers when the topic comes up "I have had those same types of thoughts". I think we have to realize that we live in a society where we are very aware of the evil that some people have committed against children, because of mass media and obvioulsy for you because you went through something so horrible as a teenager. So of course the thoughts are going to collide in our minds of "what if I could do something like that". It is a perfectly normal thing for a mother to go through this process.

 

Now the other part of this comes down to even when you "feel you conquered this emotional cycle of fear and anxiety" don't be surprised when you have a thought enter your head again that your emotions will try to resurface. I have had this happen even a year or so after I feel like something has been defeated within me. So I have to start the process over of giving thanks to God for the truth and speaking the truth over those emotions. It is a cycle but it is a cycle with a lot of hope. You will learn so much from this and will be able to help others.

 

I don't know if you read the posting, on this website, I did to desperate. I put in this link a lot of my story and what has helped me overcome my battle with unwanted thoughts. Also, there is a man who posted a response in this link about his battle with unwanted sexual thoughts and fear of molesting a child. He has now been healed. I also address in this posting unwanted thoughts against God because I have had those too. I thought I would attach it here just for ease of access http://www.latitudes.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=2623

 

I know you don't know me but please know I have walked in your shoes and I can tell you 100% you will never do what fears are running wild within you. It is just what a Pastor of mine called "stickin thinkin". It is just like when you go to a scary movie and all of a sudden your emotions are believing that what is happening on the screen could happen to you so your emotions start getting fearful. This may seem like a crazy statement but if you really think about it our emotions are not exactly smart. Your emotions can easily be deceived and we need to hold a lot of caution in trusting our emotions over God's truths.

 

I also wanted to recommend a tape series that helped me sooooooooo much. It is called "Victory over Depression" by Bob George. I believe it is a series of 6 cds (they all come packaged together for the price). The first cd may seem a little long and slow but then He really gets going on why we let our emotions get so far out there. I would really recommend this for you. http://store.silaspartners.com/merchant.mv...duct_Code=CDVOD . Also he has a book on the same topic at http://store.silaspartners.com/merchant.mv...oduct_Code=BVOD

 

Trust in God and the way He made you, thank Him for how he made you with constraints, and thank Him for giving you such a blessing in having a child. He wants the best for you. God loves you so deeply and loves you daughter too.

 

I will be praying for you!

 

Carolyn N.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Carolyn -

 

Thank you SO much for your reply... It feels so good to know that I am NOT crazy... That I am NOT the only one suffering from this battle.. I too believe in GOD but have a different way of expressing it.. I meditate,chant,pray,and communicate with my angels.. I spoke with my aunt who is very intuitive and is trusted STRONGLY by me... She explained and told me the same things you have said to me, which makes me feel SOOO much better.. I thank you so much. It is scary - and you hit the nail on the head when you said that the thought of WHAT IF I COULD DO THIS TO MY CHILD enters my head - and yes the more I try and get rid of the thoughts they come worse.. I have a plan to do my meditations more and more, and get the help from my aunt that I need - But I am glad I found this site and have the support on here.. Thank you again so much.. Thank you for the prayers it means a lot to me..

[justme07]

I have felt exactly the same as you, I dont understand why its happening to me and it causes me so much pain that I have wanted to end my life aswell. I dont know what to do and I'm really scared. I want to get on with my life but I have this hanging over me and interrupting my thoughts. Please tell me if there is anything that I can do to make it stop.

 

I have had the same things happening to me, and talking with my aunt (who I trust extremely high) and she has helped ease my mind. I have started meditation - asking GOD and my angels to help my subconscience vibrate at a higher level thus reducing these thoughts - Lately I have struggled more and more with it - but finding this site and discussing these issues and figuring out that I am not the ONLY one that thinks this way helps. It helps also knowing that the thoughts we are having aren't who we are and isn't what determines who we will become. Thoughts are NOTHING unless put into actions - and for me I KNOW it will never become an action, it is just scary that random thoughts like this come into our heads - I am going through it too and I am here if you ever want to talk.. If you would like to help each other through this I am here..

[CarolynN]

Hello again Justme07,

 

I am so glad you are understanding that this is not just a battle that you are only dealing with. I think there is certainly much comfort in knowing that other's have walked the same walk and have made it through. It gives us great hope.

 

I am glad to hear that you understand God has a role in healing you. As I said in my previous post, I have come such an amazing distance with His guidance. Obviously, as a Christian I completely put my faith in Christ. I can tell you I am a living testimony to how He does change and transform our lives. Without understanding He is my Savior and my guider in my life I don't know where I would be today.

 

Prior to becoming a Christian in 1993 I did not understand that all of us fall short of being perfect in God's eyes because ALL of us have sinned (now I am not including unwanted thoughts as sin. God knows our heart regarding these unwanted thoughts and how they are certainly not a desire they are the exact opposite a repulsion). What I am referencing is what the Bible states are sins. For example, lying or not trusting God.

 

Anyway, I thought I had to be perfect to please God (and this included TRYING to have perfect thoughts about people. This obviously led into many unwanted thoughts. I obviously set myself up for failure). I finally was explained to, by a Pastor, that what pleased God was not my "trying" to be perfect and having perfect thoughts but by accepting Jesus Christ's perfection and His sacrifice on the cross for my imperfection. Also, understanding that His resurrection proved He indeed is God. Once I truly grasped hold of understanding God's grace through Christ I have had so much hope. Not only for today but I am confident in my eternity and what peace that brings to me.

 

Believe me I still struggle so don't get me wrong. Life is not always perfect by any sense. However, EVERY time I have struggled Christ has shown me the answer, when I seek Him for answers, as to what I need to do to rid myself of those unwanted thoughts or what other situation has come about.

 

I only share this with you because I can take no credit for the insight I have given you. It is all of Him and none of me. I just am so humbled by the fact that it has helped you.

 

Take care and remember unwanted thoughts will come and go in your life but take heart that you are not alone in that journey!

 

Carolyn N.

[justme07]

Hello again Justme07,

 

I am so glad you are understanding that this is not just a battle that you are only dealing with. I think there is certainly much comfort in knowing that other's have walked the same walk and have made it through. It gives us great hope.

 

I am glad to hear that you understand God has a role in healing you. As I said in my previous post, I have come such an amazing distance with His guidance. Obviously, as a Christian I completely put my faith in Christ. I can tell you I am a living testimony to how He does change and transform our lives. Without understanding He is my Savior and my guider in my life I don't know where I would be today.

 

Prior to becoming a Christian in 1993 I did not understand that all of us fall short of being perfect in God's eyes because ALL of us have sinned (now I am not including unwanted thoughts as sin. God knows our heart regarding these unwanted thoughts and how they are certainly not a desire they are the exact opposite a repulsion). What I am referencing is what the Bible states are sins. For example, lying or not trusting God.

 

Anyway, I thought I had to be perfect to please God (and this included TRYING to have perfect thoughts about people. This obviously led into many unwanted thoughts. I obviously set myself up for failure). I finally was explained to, by a Pastor, that what pleased God was not my "trying" to be perfect and having perfect thoughts but by accepting Jesus Christ's perfection and His sacrifice on the cross for my imperfection. Also, understanding that His resurrection proved He indeed is God. Once I truly grasped hold of understanding God's grace through Christ I have had so much hope. Not only for today but I am confident in my eternity and what peace that brings to me.

 

Believe me I still struggle so don't get me wrong. Life is not always perfect by any sense. However, EVERY time I have struggled Christ has shown me the answer, when I seek Him for answers, as to what I need to do to rid myself of those unwanted thoughts or what other situation has come about.

 

I only share this with you because I can take no credit for the insight I have given you. It is all of Him and none of me. I just am so humbled by the fact that it has helped you.

 

Take care and remember unwanted thoughts will come and go in your life but take heart that you are not alone in that journey!

 

Carolyn N.

 

Carolyn --

 

I am having a tough time today - I feel wierd around my daughter, even not having these thoughts I feel extremely awkward around her... Like I have the urge to carry out these thoughts but my LOGIC and HUMANITY keeps me from doing it.. It is like a strange battle going on with myself and I DON'T KNOW WHY.. I don't want to feel this way, it makes me sick that I feel like this and I don't know how to calm myself down or reassure myself that I would NEVER do it... Why do I feel this way? Why can I be fine one day and completely off the next? I just don't understand.. Maybe I should be away from my children.. I don't know what to do anymore!

[CarolynN]

Dear Justme07,

 

I do understand exactly what you are feeling inside. The fear builds up inside with a feeling of not knowing which direction to turn and I also understand the urges. Please, please know the urges are still all linked into high state of anxiety. Your emotions are simply turned upside down. It is NOT that you are going to do anything to your children.

 

I want to share with you, without going into great detail because I don't want to put additional thoughts in your mind, that I felt truly tormented to be around my first son for the fear of what I could do to him as a newborn. What I HAD to do is settle my emotion down and realize that even though the thoughts were in my head did not mean the action would happen. I think you are still in the frame of mind that because the thoughts are active means action could occur. You have got to ACCEPT that these thoughts have occured in your head (I can guarantee your stomach will turn at the thought of this I know it did for me. Accepting this is hard because you feel like you are justifying that these thoughts are ok to have. It's ok to have yucky thoughts we are all human and all of us have undesirable thoughts). These thoughts have been a part of your life but it does NOT make you a bad mother. These thoughts will still be there in the future, because God gave us the ability to remember things. But the beautiful thing, for me, is once I understood this was all just an emotional state of anxiety, and not who I am as a person, I was able to rejoice in this.

 

I am thankful for my experience because it pushed me into finding the truth where before I just would believe my emotions. Why don't you change this around in your mind and say yes these thoughts, which I find horrible, have been in my mind but what can I learn from this and how can I become an even greater mother because of them?

 

For me personally, I also am thankful for going through this because if my children ever go through this I can share my experience with them and help them through it and help others like yourself.

 

You need to realize when you are seeing your daughter she is a reminder to you of this thought. You are linking her to a particular emotion of fear within you. It would be like a person who is deathly afraid of snakes, for lack of a better example. Every time a person saw the snake the same emotion of fear would arise up. This is where it is so important to talk truth to yourself because the truth will set you free. I can tell you I am absoultey not in the LEAST afraid to be around any of my children now. I now have conditioned my emotions to realize they cannot run me. I believe for me the beginning step of this was accepting Christ as my Savior. Because with Him all truth follows and without that truth I seriously do not know where I would be today.

 

I want to share with you, and you may think this seems irrevalant, but my neighbor just shared with me that her son is DEATHLY afraid of blueberries. You may ask how can that even be? Well he is 7 and saw "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". In the movie a little girl gets blown up like a blueberry. His emotion of fear within him associated blueberries to the high state of anxiety that occured while watching the movie. He cannot even look at a blueberry. Obviously, his emotions need to be conditioned back into the reality that a blueberry cannot hurt him. I am sharing this with you because it is a very elementary way of sharing what has happened to you and me. A thought enters our head, that we don't like and find horrible, it then turns into a cycle of trying to rid ourselves of the emotion that is associated with it. But the ONLY way to do this is start speaking the truth to yourself. You will have to do it over and over and over and over. This is where I use scriptures from the Bible to help me through and it is amazing how those scriptures can make your emotions calm right down. Again, It is NOT a matter of forgetting you had these thoughts in the first place. Again trying to forget you had the thoughts only encourages more of the thoughts.

 

I have to tell you what an awesome mother you are because you are trying to get help to get beyond this. If you truly were desiring to do this I guarantee you you would not be on a website such as this. It would be the last thing on your mind. Just think about it you have been at the peak of your anxiety of this and you have done absolutely nothing to your daughter. Tell your emotions this. You are letting them beat you up inside and you need to start beating them back with truth.

 

You have to accept everyone has yucky thoughts about the ones we love. I think some people just know how to disguard the thoughts where as people like you and me, who have a higher state of fear, start to anaylze the thought and what it could mean in our lives. The fear then starts taking a life of its own.

 

 

I want to attach a link that I thought might be helpful to you about emotions http://www.realanswers.net/realanswers/?p=66#more-66 . Here is one about fear http://www.realanswers.net/realanswers/?page_id=32

 

The last thing I would share with you is if you feel you need to get help don't feel afraid to go get help. There are many professionals who have heard this same story over and over again. I have been told that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is very effective in helping in matters such as this. Also let me ask you have you read about all the supplements, on this website, that people use to help calm down there anxieties. There are so many out there. If you have a good naturopathic doctor they can teach you how to naturally help yourself without having to do prescription drugs. Even something like elimanating artifical ingredients from food, MSG, and sugar out of your system can help. I actually posted a whole posting about MSG and artifical ingredients if you would like to read it . http://www.latitudes.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=2598

 

Chemar, has posted, what she has done for her son to help him with his OCD. I have attached it here for you to read . http://www.latitudes.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=687 There are lots of posts under the tourettes section of this forum regarding supplements and what has helped with anxiety. Along with tourettes a lot of people who have it also experience anxiety.

 

I have to tell you my son, who is 7 now, deals with a lot of anxiety. I have found time and time again when he has a lot of artifical stuff in his diet his anxieties get worse. Expecially with yellow food dyes (which is also in a lot of cheese products by the way) and the MSG which is in so many products as my link above talks about. Also magnesium can do amazing things to in helping out our nervous system. You should research the magnesium link on this forum. Just realize you want to use a magnesium that ends in "ate" not "ide". There are many forms out there of magnesium. You also want to use one that is the correct balance of Calcium/Magnesium/Zinc. But there is lots of information on this on the tourettes section of the forum. I would be happy to find some links for you if you would like me to.

 

But again all the supplements in the world will not do the whole trick if you are not speaking truth into your emotions.

 

By the way, one thing that REALLY has helped me is keeping a notecard with truths in my pocket during the day about whatever I might be anxious about or fighting the unwanted thoughts about. I then can quickly access the truth by reading it and it helps get those emotions down quicker. Also I keep journals of the truths I have learned from the Bible and what God has shown me in my life. This way I can go back an reference what I have been through and what has helped me in the past.

 

I am praying for you and I really do believe once you have a handle on the fact you are dealing with anxiety, and not who you are as a mother, you will be doing much better.

 

Carolyn N.

[gixxer2]

I started developing anxiety/panic attacks in 1995, in which I was 25 years old at the time. In November of 1995 I had a weird thought when I saw my friends children in the living room of his home. I had a little beer buzz going and all of a sudden a thought came into my head saying "GO ON GET EM". And then I had this electrical energy go from my stomach to my gentials and then the energy disapated. I immediatly went home and tripped out on just what happened. To me it felt that I had a sexual urge towards the kids. Then 2 months later it happened again around my brothers children, this time I was a little "high" on weed. After the second time it happened I freaked out and went to a Psychologist. She told me they were just thoughts and weird energies and not to worry about them. I have no interest in children sexually. That is why I do not understand what those feelings were because I had felt such a strong charge go through my body. Then I was driving to a office with a co-worker (male) and I had the the weird thought "GO ON GET EM" and that weird charge went through me. Then I felt that I was sexually attracted to men (WEIRD). Then it happened to a female co-worker a month or two later, same feelings and everything. Then I was driving home from a trip with my wife and my brother and his wife, and my anxieties were really high at the time and I had this weird thought about pulling the steering the wheel, I guess to wreck or something who knows, and at the time I had that sick, weird thought I felt that strong charge go through my body and out through my gentials. So for the last 13 years I have dealt with feeling tremendous anxiety around children and constantly feeling tensed around my groin area, which then runs down through my leg. I do not know what is going on with me but I wish I was normal again to where I could be around children and sometimes adults without being nervous and feeling something sexual. Anybody feel these same thoughts or anything similiar?