am i being a baby?

[smartyjones]

i'm so upset about something and was hoping to get some feedback on it. as if i don't have enough with pandas son and working to get our house on the market. . .

 

i wrote last week that we had a terrible conference at school. i was upset the teacher hadn't discussed this earlier but was really shelving that b/c my main concern was how ds5 is doing in school. i sent an e-mail to parents from the class that are friends (8 people) and i have previously discussed his behavior and health with asking for feedback from either their personal observations when they've been in the class or stories from their children that may be helpful in us helping him function better. i did not mention anything negative about the teacher or even the fact i was annoyed she hadn't discussed this earlier.

 

the next night there was a school fundraiser event i did not attend. apparently, one of my friends who received the e-mail discussed it with the teacher - i don't know who or in what attitude. still not upset about this b/c they could have just been concerned or concerned about how my son is interacting with their child in the class. both seem okay to me.

 

then - the teacher approached another friend and asked if she had received an e-mail from me and what the content was and if she would forward it to her. my friend was aghast at what she believed this to be so inappropriate. she is the one who told me.

 

i set up a meeting with the teacher to discuss this e-mail and ensure she knew my intent. i offered that i could give her a copy. she had already read it!!! i don't know how many people she solicited to get a copy and don't know who sent it to her.

 

the e-mail was fine and i don't care that she saw the content. i am so upset with whoever forwarded it to her b/c obviously since she didn't get it in the first place, it wasn't intended for her. and so upset that she solicited how ever many people to get it. she could have gone back to the initial person who told her or asked others - i don't know.

 

i don't want to further discuss it with teacher b/c i just want to get through the next few months with the least detriment to him. she's already understandably annoyed with his behavior. i will discuss it with the administration after the school year.

 

i can't even believe how upset about this i am. aside from ds's pandas, i don't think i've been this upset in a long time - or this mad at actions of other people.

 

am i just being a baby b/c i have too much stress? does anyone have ideas to help me get over this?

[peglem]

The teacher's behavior was unethical-discussing your child and private email with anybody other than you or her appropriate associates is a no-no. If another parent approached her to discuss it, she should have declined, letting them know that she cannot discuss another child with them. You, on the other hand, are free to discuss your child and the teacher with whomever you'd like. So, your feelings are justified. The teacher must have felt threatened or something. (or maybe she's just a nosey busy body!) Anyway, hope this won't have negative repercussions for your child, although, it may have strained your relationship with the teacher.

[MomWithOCDSon]

The teacher's behavior was unethical-discussing your child and private email with anybody other than you or her appropriate associates is a no-no. If another parent approached her to discuss it, she should have declined, letting them know that she cannot discuss another child with them. You, on the other hand, are free to discuss your child and the teacher with whomever you'd like. So, your feelings are justified. The teacher must have felt threatened or something. (or maybe she's just a nosey busy body!) Anyway, hope this won't have negative repercussions for your child, although, it may have strained your relationship with the teacher.

I second Peglum! This teacher must have severe insecurity issues, and her behavior warrants a reprimand from her supervisor. If you can tuck it all in the back of your mind until the end of the school year, that might be best in terms of any repercussions for your son; however, if the teacher begins "acting out" (odd that we have to consider that possibility with an adult! ) and making things difficult for you son between now and then, you're well within your rights to go to the administrator earlier.

 

You're right . . . as if you didn't already have more than enough on your plate! We've had occasional issues with insensitive, insecure and/or inflexible teachers in the past, too. When the situation was intrusive enough with regard to our son's welfare, we would take it up firstly with the teacher and then with the principal; wish I could say those conversations resolved the situation, but they didn't always. In the end, we found ourselves counseling DS that not even all adults in authority always act like adults, that not every teacher knows everything, that sometimes he, even at his tender age, has to try and "be the bigger person" and sort of let an insensitive comment or behavior "go in one ear and out the other." Then he comes home and downloads at us, and we congratulate him on his maturity in dealing with a less mature educator! Sort of stinks that we have to go that direction now and then, but at least, in our case, it's been the exception rather than the rule.

 

Hang in there! Only a couple more months of this grade, right?!

[P_Mom]

I would take inventory of my 8 "friends".........this would have never happened if one of them, or a couple of them, didn't break confidentiality with you. This is why I hardly discuss anything with anyone.........(except you guys...but you are all anonymous! )

[thereishope]

It's inappropriate for the teacher to take advantage of her role in the classroom and ask other parents to pass on the email and invade your privacy. That parent probably felt intimidated by the teacher and was taken off guard at the request. It sounds like the teacher may have some of her own issues. Do you think she's reading this forum to be nosey?If so...mind your own business. We have enough going on to play into a teacher's insecurities!

[Phasmid]

Should be reported to her principal. She needs to be professionally reprimanded for this.

[earnestfamily7]

I agree... I would be furious! - Although I am the 1st to admit it doesnt take much these days to push me to the "mad as H" level. I know how you feel about not wanting to cause 'trouble' in the classroom' for your child. However, if she has already discussed your child with another adult once she may do it again... it is unacceptable to discuss your child's behavior with anyone aside from school administrators and you. For crying out loud - they wont even tell you the names of the kids that are out sick, who hit your child in daycare/ where the bite mark came from... who pushed.... ... WHYwould a teacher think it is OK to talk about another students actions/behaviors?! I would send a formal level to the administration and then follow up with a phone call requesting a meeting - but I would also let them know that you have concerns for your son becoming the scapegoat.... That is very sucky

[peglem]

Well, I think you should wait until you are not angry anymore before you decide what action to take.

For what its worth, I wouldn't report it. Teachers are human, they make mistakes. I would maybe tell her that I was not comfortable with what she did and would appreciate it if she would come to me ask about any rumors she hears from other parents, and please not discuss me or my child with other people. But, I wouldn't try to cause trouble for her professionally unless she got all snotty about it when I tried to talk to her about it.

If you're going to get a rep as a PITA parent, at least let it be for fighting to get your son what he needs educationally. The more you are seen as reasonable and cool headed, the better your child's chances of getting help are.

[MomWithOCDSon]

Well, I think you should wait until you are not angry anymore before you decide what action to take.

For what its worth, I wouldn't report it. Teachers are human, they make mistakes. I would maybe tell her that I was not comfortable with what she did and would appreciate it if she would come to me ask about any rumors she hears from other parents, and please not discuss me or my child with other people. But, I wouldn't try to cause trouble for her professionally unless she got all snotty about it when I tried to talk to her about it.

If you're going to get a rep as a PITA parent, at least let it be for fighting to get your son what he needs educationally. The more you are seen as reasonable and cool headed, the better your child's chances of getting help are.

Cooler heads prevail! You make an excellent point. Sometimes I'm too hot-headed, especially when it comes to DS. Mother tiger with her claw unsheathed and all that . . .

[Stephanie2]

Girl, we are dealing with so many issues that most parents don't have to deal with. If it weren't enough for us to have PANDAS to deal with (I have two with pandas), then you've got the outside community who can be so insensitive. I have this kind of stuff happening on a daily basis! No one understands what we are going through and why we do some of the things we do (like send out emails). Just last week I had to send my 2 year old to my MIL's house for over 10 days b/c they both went into a terrible PANDAS episode at the same time, and then my 5 year old developed a nasty bacterial infection due to the antibiotics. The bacterial infection caused him to become extremely aggressive/violent. Had to stop the abx, then the PANDAS came back on top of it. In the meantime, I have friends/neighbors asking where my 2 year old is, when he is coming home, and giving me this incredulous look about the fact that I would send my 2 year old away (did I mention that my husband has been out of town for 2 months and isn't coming back for another 3 months?). And then I have my mom and my father-in-law who are up my behind that I need to discipline better and then I wouldn't have such problems on my hands!!! They flat-out do not believe that my kids have PANDAS (even though we have consulted with 4 docs). They treat me like I am a failure. Funny thing is that I don't think I could have created this level of dysfunction if I TRIED!! My husband and I are very docile people, they are not learning this type of "behavior" from us. And even though they can see and hear the tics, they deny that they are tics!!!!!! OK, I need to cool down!

 

My husband tries to tell me not to let everyone's opinion bother me, but it's hard not to! It should be the least of my worries, but it's not...

 

Don't feel like a baby, you just have too much on your plate!

Stephanie