Questions for helper/nanny

[pixiesmommy]

We're interviewing special needs "nannies" to help us through Thanksgiving (tentatively) so that Dan can return to work.

 

They are from care.com and the ones we have spoken with have things like:

 

CPR /first aid cert

exp. in dealing with various handicaps, including Tourette's, Autism, etc

some are CNAs

 

Thinking about questions I want to ask. Help me think!

 

She would be here from 7-4 and would be helping Pixie with school or homework, helping with light housekeeping, watching and playing with both girls- my other daughter is almost 2- (though probably not at same time) and maybe doing things like helping us through breakfast and lunch, getting her to take her meds, etc

 

Thanks!!

Manda

[FallingApart]

This is a great question! The thing I need to know how to screen for is someone who will only help. What I mean by this is not add to your workload and become another child.

 

We had a helper - 20 years old - this summer during the worst of our times. She wanted to treat my PANDAS child like a typical child and discipline her when DD did odd things or wrong things. This created HUGE friction among my girls and the helper. DH and I tried to explain to the helper that what we needed from her was just someone to entertain the girls and not do any disciplining. She attempted this and then 24 hours later nicely told us that we were not treating our girls fairly because we don't hold them to the same standards. It got extremely tense. The helper was correct in her observations, but was unable to provide the service we needed. How in the world do you screen for this? Perhaps this is easier when the caregiver won't be working with toddlers?

 

Please do keep us posted on how you screen for this. DH and I are completely alone where we live and our one trusted babysitter just left for college. We have absolutely no one. And I know I need to find someone but it seems so overwhelming.

[thereishope]

It's not a question but an idea for you....maybe consider installing a "nanny camera". I think you get those at a reasonable price now.

[Megs_Mom]

We ask people to read certain books and to use very specific ERP and behavorial techniques with Meg, and then to report back the results each day. If they are willing to learn the technique & do the reading - they are usually interested enough to succeed. We look mostly for people that have had experience with special needs, and are very self confident in themselves - and are loving but firm individuals. If you are already starting with folks that have special needs experience that is great - then you want to see how flexible they are. I also set up the schedule that I expect them to follow - with some flexibility, but I make sure they know the expectations. We have been very fortunate, that in each "episode" Meg has had, we've been able to reach out to the same 2 people and get them back in to help. So they now knows the difference between Meg when she is healthy, and when she is not. That really helps over time, so try to get someone that will be around for a while.

 

After I have narrowed it down, I usually meet them out for a cup of tea, or invite them over for a snack & see how they interact with Meg, and how she responds to them. That helps us make the final call. Usually, I find that one person can't do it all, so be flexible about having an afternoon & morning person, or a M/W/F and T/TH person. This helps fill in gaps, and sometimes lets you know which one is better for your child. If you can possibly stop in unexpectedly, do so. I stop in a decent amount, have a meal, or play with them for 30 minutes & then leave again. Or have her bring the kids to you for lunch, etc, so you are regularly seeing the interaction. Good luck!

[smartyjones]

Could you somehow screen for the willingness in attitude to accept different explanations about the behavior than typical? Falling Apart - that amazes me that at only 20 years old, your care-giver would be set on her thoughts about discipline!

 

I find the administration at my son's school a bit rigid in accepting what I am telling them. They're not so interested in learning about PANDAS. Although they are trying and are somewhat helpful, they are stuck in believing I was instrumental in "allowing" him to not go to school last year. They tend to see his behavior in typical patterns although yesterday the educational director told me he's the most extreme case of anxiety they've seen in the 20 year history of the school. Of course he is - you've probably not dealt with PANDAS before!

 

Bock's 4A book was very helpful when we first were investigating PANDAS. I find the article from School Nurse News helpful as well as the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and Freeing Your Child from Anxiety. Also the website anxietybc.com is very helpful for anxiety.

 

Could you see how willing the nanny is to reading these types of things - or maybe your notes and highlights if not the whole book - to get a perspective on it?

 

Good luck,

Kathy

[pixiesmommy]

I use the term "nanny" loosely because I am a stay-at-home mom and she will be my "backup" so to speak, in times when I need to be hands-on with both kids.

 

Thanks for the suggestions

[bronxmom2]

Will pixie be out of school indefinitely?

 

I remember reading in one of your posts that she attends a private gifted school.

 

Don't forget that your child's giftedness has not gone away.

 

I wonder if you could find a tutor/mentor who could help keep her mentally stimulated, help her pursue her interests and passions in a non=threatening way? I fantasize about finding someone like this for my son. I'd like to hire a geeky college student whose job would be to talk to my son about WWII airplanes and old british tall ships.

[EAMom]

I hope Pixie will be feeling better soon and you won't have to deal with the "special needs" aspect of this. Would Dr. K have any recommendations (since he is local and may know of someone?)