Feeling of being cheated on

[mustache]

Dear friends

Please read my story and comment every paragraph, if possible

 

My wife, Brenda, is 49 and has bipolar disorder since I knew her in 1988

She is very conservative and religous, honest. Our sexual relation is also very consertive way

 

I am Paul 40, and my doctor said I have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder,

since 1998 when I first look for doctor when I started to have unwanted

toughts of killing my wife because of cheating ( though I know I would never hurt or kill her)

 

We met 19 years ago, and though not living together, we met every weeked in her home.

 

We started a long term relationship and I was very faithful and and trusted her

 

I 1995, I felt cheated by her, though I had never any real evidence

She used to say the name Bill very ofen, and this annoyed me

She said Bill was only a great friend

 

We started to live together since 1998

In that year, I took prozac for 12 mounths because of unwanted thoughts

 

I 2001, in a severe bipolar crisis crise, she became too agressive, breaking objects and causing me some not important injuries

And in that very day, she told me:

 

"I really made love with Bill ! And that was because I loved him"

 

I decided not to believe her because she said it in a very angry moment

 

She became better when we moved to the mountains in 2004 and the manic crisis then happened very rarely. I could have piece since 2004 as I had never before

She takes no medicine since then. The only thing I notice in her behauviour is that there are some stalker following our steps

For her, any neighbour could be a stalker and dangerous for us

 

As we had some peace in home , I did´t worry about it

She becomes a better wife and specially in the last 2 mounts, she often says " I love very much"

 

But the thoughts that she could have cheated on me were still in my mind and I had always thought of a revange

 

I the middle of 2004 I started to travel alone for work and finally I started my revange by meeting women I previousy typed over the internet

I was very glad and satisfied, though some times a feelling of regret that were immediately put aside by the though " I love her, but this is my revange, and I need it"

 

I think she never found out, because I am very carefull

 

After almost 2 years cheating her, this time, I flyed with my wife on friday and slept together on friday night

 

She said she had a new knicker (bottom only) into the luggage, for us

 

( I was expecting she would wear it for me)

 

On the saturday morning I went for work in another hotel, then I got back to lunch with her in the room of her hotel 1:00 pm and went back to my work at 2:00pm

 

When I got back to her hotel at 17:00 pm, I talked about some not important subjects

Later, I looked into our luggage and saw her new knicker, already used

(I looked into the luggage while she was taking bath for dinner)

 

She intended to go out with me for dinner but as we walked on the street and could not find a restaurant quickly, and she was very hunger, she just left alone on the street and got back to the hotel and I went back just benhind her

 

We slept in the same bed, she was angry, but there was no phisycal agression as in the past, only some verbal argue from her

 

In the sunday morning, she took a taxi and went alone to the airport (9:30AM)though the flight was only 12:30PM

 

I went to the airport at 11:30PM and did not see here there, I only saw her inside the plane and we seated not near

 

She does not type over the internet at it was our first time in that city and state, 800 miles from our city

 

My suspects

 

I am afraid from a revange from her, because she could have noticed something in my behauviour, though I am very carefull

 

1- As she does not type over the net, the only chance is that she could had found a guy into the hotel on the saturday and went to his room.

I mean, had met him and had sex in the very same day

 

2- In the next day, she could have met the same guy in the morning and went with him to some place until the time of her flight

 

Please gimme your opinions, comment every points of my tex, because I also my be wrong. I am very confuse rigth now

But be sincere, please, I am a very stable guy, I would never hurt her

[Sheila]

Dear Paul,

 

I am sorry you have been going through such a difficult time.

 

I know you wanted to have each paragraph answered separately and I apologize that I cannot do that as it is too late at night right now, and I have work in the morning. I hope you understand that.

 

What has happened in the few days since you wrote? Have you heard from Brenda?

 

It sounded like things were looking up for your relationship, except for that last incident you described.

 

It seems you have been through a lot together, and you understand each other, which is a good thing.

 

Let me know how you are right now, OK? I was not on the computer to see your letter until today. Sorry.

 

Wishing you all the best, Sheila

 

 

 

 

Dear friends

Please read my story and comment every paragraph, if possible

 

My wife, Brenda, is 49 and has bipolar disorder since I knew her in 1988

She is very conservative and religous, honest. Our sexual relation is also very consertive way

 

I am Paul 40, and my doctor said I have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder,

since 1998 when I first look for doctor when I started to have unwanted

toughts of killing my wife because of cheating ( though I know I would never hurt or kill her)

 

We met 19 years ago, and though not living together, we met every weeked in her home.

 

We started a long term relationship and I was very faithful and and trusted her

 

I 1995, I felt cheated by her, though I had never any real evidence

She used to say the name Bill very ofen, and this annoyed me

She said Bill was only a great friend

 

We started to live together since 1998

In that year, I took prozac for 12 mounths because of unwanted thoughts

 

I 2001, in a severe bipolar crisis crise, she became too agressive, breaking objects and causing me some not important injuries

And in that very day, she told me:

 

"I really made love with Bill ! And that was because I loved him"

 

I decided not to believe her because she said it in a very angry moment

 

She became better when we moved to the mountains in 2004 and the manic crisis then happened very rarely. I could have piece since 2004 as I had never before

She takes no medicine since then. The only thing I notice in her behauviour is that there are some stalker following our steps

For her, any neighbour could be a stalker and dangerous for us

 

As we had some peace in home , I did´t worry about it

She becomes a better wife and specially in the last 2 mounts, she often says " I love very much"

 

But the thoughts that she could have cheated on me were still in my mind and I had always thought of a revange

 

I the middle of 2004 I started to travel alone for work and finally I started my revange by meeting women I previousy typed over the internet

I was very glad and satisfied, though some times a feelling of regret that were immediately put aside by the though " I love her, but this is my revange, and I need it"

 

I think she never found out, because I am very carefull

 

After almost 2 years cheating her, this time, I flyed with my wife on friday and slept together on friday night

 

She said she had a new knicker (bottom only) into the luggage, for us

 

( I was expecting she would wear it for me)

 

On the saturday morning I went for work in another hotel, then I got back to lunch with her in the room of her hotel 1:00 pm and went back to my work at 2:00pm

 

When I got back to her hotel at 17:00 pm, I talked about some not important subjects

Later, I looked into our luggage and saw her new knicker, already used

(I looked into the luggage while she was taking bath for dinner)

 

She intended to go out with me for dinner but as we walked on the street and could not find a restaurant quickly, and she was very hunger, she just left alone on the street and got back to the hotel and I went back just benhind her

 

We slept in the same bed, she was angry, but there was no phisycal agression as in the past, only some verbal argue from her

 

In the sunday morning, she took a taxi and went alone to the airport (9:30AM)though the flight was only 12:30PM

 

I went to the airport at 11:30PM and did not see here there, I only saw her inside the plane and we seated not near

 

She does not type over the internet at it was our first time in that city and state, 800 miles from our city

 

My suspects

 

I am afraid from a revange from her, because she could have noticed something in my behauviour, though I am very carefull

 

1- As she does not type over the net, the only chance is that she could had found a guy into the hotel on the saturday and went to his room.

I mean, had met him and had sex in the very same day

 

2- In the next day, she could have met the same guy in the morning and went with him to some place until the time of her flight

 

Please gimme your opinions, comment every points of my tex, because I also my be wrong. I am very confuse rigth now

But be sincere, please, I am a very stable guy, I would never hurt her

[orthomolecular]

Iit sounds like you acted out on your anger toward her and cheated on her. That is the problem with having strong feelings and then acting on those feelings. The people we are closest to we have the strongest feelings for. But these feelings for people close to use can change from love to anger to hurt to something else different. Acting out on these feelings is a bad idea overall because the feelings usually subside or die away at some point but the consequences of the actions may never be taken back.

 

That is why when you have this type of problem with a mate or someone close communication is always the best strategy. If you say something incorrect or even hurtful you can take that back but you can never really take back your actions.

 

I think you have to sort out your feelings so you can have a conversation with her. She is the one you need to talk to about this in order to resolve it. But you really can't do that if you are not sure how you feel at this point. If you are still feeling hurt, or still believing she cheated on you, or maybe you just feel guilty about your actions??? But, whatever you feel now may change tomorrow. It helps if you know what it is you want. Otherwise you can't ask for what you want and expect you will get it.

 

A therapist or a close trusted friend can sometimes help you see things more objectively when you "suspect" problems with your mate. In the future it can be helpful to have someone be your sounding board to give you feedback and perhaps point out the possibility that she is not cheating. You should try to learn from this to avoid doing this in the future. Talk to someone else or to talk to her if you think something is going on. But taking actions based on your suspicions or assumptions will end up getting you in hot water.

 

I don't know what happened and that is not really the point. The point is when you are ready to work things out then you should have a heart to heart with her. If you are not ready to work things out then don't have a sit down yet. IF you are open to being honest about your mistakes and asking for forgiveness for your actions then you are ready to have that talk. But trying to talk to someone who you feel you may accuse of something is not going to be a productive conversation but probably will end up keeping the argument going or just make things worse somehow else.

 

You need to be clear on what you can offer up to her for what you may have done to her and what you would like or hope from her. You need to be clear on what you want or expect from her. You also need to be clear on how willing you are to forgive her too.

 

That is how you can try to move past this incident. Sometimes things like this happen because people grow apart or feel neglected or something; but, open honest communication can actually make a relationship stronger after a betrayal has happened. We all make mistakes in life. Being able to forgive others (and ourselves) is an incrediable tool for being happy.

[healtheworld]

hello.i can understand your situation after reading your post. maybe because of what she did and said to you that you reacted like that. but i feel that you really love her a lot.