OCD Ruining Relationships

[Toaster82]

I'm new to this whole forum thing, but i was hoping to find someone that can help me out, or maybe share some similar stories to help me out.

I'm 23, and i'm had ocd since i was about 12 or 13(thats when i first started noticing the symptoms anyway).

Through the years i've been on different anti-depressants to try to help calm the obsessions and compulsions, and i've been to numerous counselors. Although I am much better today than 10 years ago..i still constantly have struggles with it and it just drives me crazy.

The thing is..i have a very difficult time in dating relationships because of my OCD. Normal things that any person would worry about, i blow up into a huge ordeal. It's like i can't even differentiate what is a "normal" thing to fight about, and what is "not normal". I have a hard time trusting people because i have been hurt in the past. Then my OCD kicks in and i assume that anyone i'm with is going to hurt me. I obsess a lot about my current boyfriends X girlfriend. I'm constantly obsessing that he will take her back or that maybe he still has feeling for her- even thought he tells me that none of this is true. I constantly question and obsess over how much he really cares about me or whether he even cares about me at all. I'm sick of ruining relationships because of obsessing about them. I was just wondering if anyone out there has any similar problems.

[Chemar]

Hi and welcome:)

 

there are natural supplements that can help with OCD, as long as you arent also taking prescription meds

5HTP, Inositol, samE/methionine are all very effective in raising serotonin which in turn helps calm OCD symptoms

 

There is also Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) which, when done with a caring therapist, is very helpful in understanding and reducing OCD

[galen]

Hi,

 

Many people nowadays are not very successful in relationships; OCD makes things a lot harder. However, it's not just you and not just OCD: too many people, who DON'T have OCD, lose their relationships because they behave just like you do, and they make the exact same mistakes in the absence of OCD. OCD does make matters worse, as it aggravates the usual negative emotions, such as anxiety and jealousy, and you end up blowing things out of proportion. BUT: it also occurs too often in people WITHOUT OCD, and medication would NOT solve things here. You need to adjust your behaviour. A great book on this issue (the best, in fact) -- is called "The Rules", by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/044660274...5Fencoding=UTF8). Make it your desktop reference, and see if that helps.

[cmac100]

Wow, are you ever normal!!!! I have a very mild case of OCD, in fact, I went to see a therapist when I first developed OCD at age 27 and she told me that I would be better off sticking to the behavioral therapy rather than meds. And I still have the exact thoughts and issues that you have,…everyone does!!! You see, I'm a "pure obsession," I have few if any checking behaviors but like you I live in a world of obsession, I can sit and just beat the ###### out of a dead horse until people pull their hair out. I am also in a relationship dealing with many of the same issues you are dealing with,....and now at 30, I feel that I may be with the person that I want to marry, but if I don’t I know it is not just the OCD that did not allow it to work out There have been some issues in our relationship that have created problems arguments, as with any relationship. To be honest the OCD certainly does not help when we have problems,... but the problems ARE STILL there and need to be addressed with or with out the OCD symptoms,. the OCD just makes it FEEL worse that it REALLY is. I find that is how you react to the situation that determines how things will go. When you are feeling like you are about to jump all over your partner for something that has made you jealous or obsesive,..or you feel unloved..try to remember that your feelings are real but that your OCD is just making it worse,. This is a merky line,...I always try to determine how much worse the OCD is making it and then rationally explain this to my-self,. if I still feel like it is worth mentioning to my partner then I bring it up,.. calmly and rationally. Most of the time any feelings of insecurity or fear can be dealt with rationally with out involving my partner. Remember as someone with OCD you can't in fact you should never count on someone to relive your obsessions or explain them away,. that is the compulsion. You must deal with the feelings and acknowledge them for what they are,...obsessions and deal with them accordingly. If you have not had some good behavioral therapy in the past,..I have found the "OCD workbook" VERY helpful. Look nobody is ever going to be perfect but you WILL get better if you just keep trying,...deal with your feelings and if they are irrational then know that they are irrational and IGNORE THEM !!! Tell those crazy exaggerated feelings to go away, FACE THEM. Say to your self,..I'm just being jealous and this is only made worse by my OCD so I'm going to just deal with this insecurity for what it is,....silly insecurity.

[love88]

I'm new to this whole forum thing, but i was hoping to find someone that can help me out, or maybe share some similar stories to help me out.

I'm 23, and i'm had ocd since i was about 12 or 13(thats when i first started noticing the symptoms anyway).

Through the years i've been on different anti-depressants to try to help calm the obsessions and compulsions, and i've been to numerous counselors. Although I am much better today than 10 years ago..i still constantly have struggles with it and it just drives me crazy.

The thing is..i have a very difficult time in dating relationships because of my OCD. Normal things that any person would worry about, i blow up into a huge ordeal. It's like i can't even differentiate what is a "normal" thing to fight about, and what is "not normal". I have a hard time trusting people because i have been hurt in the past. Then my OCD kicks in and i assume that anyone i'm with is going to hurt me. I obsess a lot about my current boyfriends X girlfriend. I'm constantly obsessing that he will take her back or that maybe he still has feeling for her- even thought he tells me that none of this is true. I constantly question and obsess over how much he really cares about me or whether he even cares about me at all. I'm sick of ruining relationships because of obsessing about them. I was just wondering if anyone out there has any similar problems.

I know exactly what you mean...i have looked for help in my therapist, medicine which sometimes helps if i take it regularly like im supposed to, i'm 18 and i guess i've dealt with OCD problems ever since i can remember in a wide variety of subjects and the hardest thing im dealing with right now is my relationship...i've tried explaining things to people i trust to get some answers or maybe just ease some of the pain but nothing really helps and i want to blame all my problems on the OCD but im scared that its more than that and that im just not normal and that really scares me because what if i cant ever have a normal relationship and what if OCD is always getting in the way...im really confused right now and i know what you mean about blowing things out of proportion...my boyfriend and i have been together for 4 months now and things are terrible already...i think im in love but i have thought that before and i just have so many doubts, so many things running through my head all the time, it makes me feel crazy and he makes me feel like im not normal because he doesnt know i have OCD and i cant bring myself to tell him because i dont want him to think im putting a guilt trip on him, i feel like everything is my fault. i try to be as realistic as possible but i never know if im overanalyzing things...i just felt like i could relate to your problems...i dont know that i have helped you but maybe at least you know you're not alone.

[Xjuststacyx]

I'm new to this whole forum thing, but i was hoping to find someone that can help me out, or maybe share some similar stories to help me out.

I'm 23, and i'm had ocd since i was about 12 or 13(thats when i first started noticing the symptoms anyway).

Through the years i've been on different anti-depressants to try to help calm the obsessions and compulsions, and i've been to numerous counselors. Although I am much better today than 10 years ago..i still constantly have struggles with it and it just drives me crazy.

The thing is..i have a very difficult time in dating relationships because of my OCD. Normal things that any person would worry about, i blow up into a huge ordeal. It's like i can't even differentiate what is a "normal" thing to fight about, and what is "not normal". I have a hard time trusting people because i have been hurt in the past. Then my OCD kicks in and i assume that anyone i'm with is going to hurt me. I obsess a lot about my current boyfriends X girlfriend. I'm constantly obsessing that he will take her back or that maybe he still has feeling for her- even thought he tells me that none of this is true. I constantly question and obsess over how much he really cares about me or whether he even cares about me at all. I'm sick of ruining relationships because of obsessing about them. I was just wondering if anyone out there has any similar problems.

 

I totally know where your coming from!!!!!!!!!!!! Ever since myspace has came out I check like once a week because I have a feeling my bf might be cheating on me...I OVER ANALIZE EVERYTHING!!! I dont know when I should be anaylizing or just keeping it cool...do you have any ideas?

[ESC4P3]

I'm writing not as an OCD sufferer, but as someone who has fallen deeply for a woman who has OCD. There are some situational complexities (distance, her living arrangements) make things difficult, but I think they can be overcome (coincidentally, I'll be moving to within a couple of hours of her within the next 4-5 months).

 

I'm just trying to figure out if I'm just fooling myself or if her condition has contributed to where we are now. Things were beautiful in the beginning, and we had some incredible experiences. Rather abruptly, she stopped calling (we used to have 4-5 hour conversations over the phone, but now we speak perhaps once every two weeks). I have seen her a few times since, and our mutual physical attraction is still very much apparent.

 

I don't think I can handle being a "friend with benefits" type of person for the long haul, as I want to take our relationship to the next level. It was definitely headed in that direction, and suddenly everything changed. She is aware of her OCD and has alluded to the difficulty it causes her in many areas of her life, but we've never really delved into the affliction on a truly personal level.

 

Is it common for OCD sufferers to pull back like this? There was no trigger event that I can point to...in most relationships, you can either go back to a time or a set of experiences that, in retrospect, signalled a forthcoming change of feelings or plans. That hasn't happened here. Should I just let her go and move on, or should I keep trying?

[mufan]

Toaster, I know what you mean about it ruining relationships. Are you the child of an alcoholic? Not knowing what is "normal" is a classic symptom of ACOC's. I know because my father was an alcoholic and I have have no idea what "normal" is.

 

 

I'm new to this whole forum thing, but i was hoping to find someone that can help me out, or maybe share some similar stories to help me out.

I'm 23, and i'm had ocd since i was about 12 or 13(thats when i first started noticing the symptoms anyway).

Through the years i've been on different anti-depressants to try to help calm the obsessions and compulsions, and i've been to numerous counselors. Although I am much better today than 10 years ago..i still constantly have struggles with it and it just drives me crazy.

The thing is..i have a very difficult time in dating relationships because of my OCD. Normal things that any person would worry about, i blow up into a huge ordeal. It's like i can't even differentiate what is a "normal" thing to fight about, and what is "not normal". I have a hard time trusting people because i have been hurt in the past. Then my OCD kicks in and i assume that anyone i'm with is going to hurt me. I obsess a lot about my current boyfriends X girlfriend. I'm constantly obsessing that he will take her back or that maybe he still has feeling for her- even thought he tells me that none of this is true. I constantly question and obsess over how much he really cares about me or whether he even cares about me at all. I'm sick of ruining relationships because of obsessing about them. I was just wondering if anyone out there has any similar problems.

[natalie]

I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. But is they any comfort in numbers? Some say there is. Anyhow I suffer from similar obsessions with my boyfriends. And yes it can be very damaging to the relationship. I have wasted so much of my time worrying about the "what if" I cant even begin to tell you. I will say that a bahavior therapist that is trained in the treatment of OCD will be able to give you tools that will help you stop the complusive asking for reassurance. I have also had to tell my boyfriend that he is only to reassure me once and after that I have to get the reasurance from myself. The anxiety boils over when I cant ask for it, but after a while it subsides and you realize that you can have that security all on your own. No ammount of attention or reasurance from another person will fix the obsession permanantly. we have to do that on our own. Its very hard. Look for a good doc and keep your head up. we are all stronger than we think and can beat this disorder. natalie

[nomamalin]

I am not the victim but my partner so claims he is.

 

I am having difficulties coping up because he always refers to his OCD for any odd behavior he does.

 

Before I used to get enough attention from him and I feel really cared for. However, recently, I feel abandoned and needed only when he feels like it (so it seems). Also, there are times when he shows genuine affection and then there are times (especially after being together for a day and giving into his sexual desires) when he becomes passive and never makes you feel wanted.

 

Is this really the reality with OCD?

 

I am getting so jaded. I so wanted to give up.

[timeoutalready]

I completely understand. i get jealous to such a point my skin tingles and burns and my anxiety is through the roof. im currently taking Luvox and was told the right dose is around 200-250mg so im still climbing. i've had ocd with my hair (touching it, making sure it was perfect and not "damaged") since i was 13... im 26. I still have the compulsion urges but try to refrain.

 

i am engaged and fear my sexual obsessing will ruin my relationship. i get insecure, and feel guilty for putting my new fiance and future in jeopardy due to my illness. he loves me like no man ever has. i cant bear knowing i will ruin the best thing in my life due to this disorder. i moved to a new city and the stress from transitioning has gotten me through the roof with this sexual obsessing. i want to find a good therapist. i have no one out here and my fiance's friends probably think i have serious issues since i avoid people ever since the onset worsened after i moved to be with him. i never even lived on my own before. so many firsts and on top of that, this obsessional onset. i want to die. i can only hope the Luvox works, as my doctor confidently proclaims. i have no other confidence to hang on to. my fiance tries to support me but it has totally been a struggle as he didnt know any of this prior to proposing to me. he only knew i come from a highly anxious/critical/depressive family....... i hate them sometimes. i feel my father is mostly to blame. my mom has ocd with cleaning the house. so many variables and not one clear answer as to WHY this is the way it is. i also cant accept this as my reality. i want to die.

 

i had to share and just know you are not alone. it's not your fault.

[mmw]

Timeoutalready,

 

I usually don't read this board [have minor tic issues with one of my kids so read on that one] but came across your post and want to give you some much needed hope. I am 38 years old and have had OCD since I was a kid. It got really bad in my early twenties, and I was miserable, as you are. I felt like I wanted to die, or at least be unconscious to get relief from my own thoughts! I have been on a variety of medications and I feel that luvox is the most effective. Zoloft works too, but you have to take a high dose.

 

I take Luvox 300 mg/day and it makes my OCD practically a nonissue. I took a lower dose before having kids and it was effective. [Pregnancy did cause flareups and each of my 3 pregnancies caused the dosage to inch up.] I also take a tiny dose of seroquel, which increases effectiveness and lowers anxiety. Give the luvox a chance to work. When you are helped by medication for the first time it is gradual. First you realize a few minutes have gone by without "worries". Later you realize a whole half hour has gone by, etc. It is almost as if they get smaller and less important in small increments. Consider taking tiny doses of xanax or klonopin to deal with your anxiety until the meds kick in.

 

Don't give up hope! Most people on this board seem to just be trying to get "answers" to their ocd thoughts, which we both know never satisfy the urge to ask! As far as the sexual fears, realize that these thoughts are common to all ocd sufferers, and represent whatever is most abhorrent to you. Don't fixate on the content, it is meaningless.

 

Anyway, I hope I can encourage you. I have been married for 12 years and my husband is understanding if I hit a blip [as I did during the pregnancies]. But my life is about my kids, friends, family, etc. Ocd is just the handful of pills I have to take at night. Only my very closest friends know about my ocd. I am completely fine.You will be too. Ocd is a horrible thing, but the meds do help. You WILL get better. Find a good psychiatrist who will keep trying until you find what works for you.

 

God bless You, I will pray for you to get better.

 

rgcamom

[canrelatetoo]

I am the wife of someone who has suffered from ocd for the past 25 years, we now have a daughter who is 20 and hopes to be married soon, she also has ocd. We have overcome huge obstacles and gone through some of the worst experiences imaginable. We are still together. For those of you who suffer with this terrible "thief", please know and understand that this phase and situation that you are going through will pass and that you will once again be who you once were, only this time you will be stronger. For those of you who watch in agony how your loved one suffers, know that just being there to listen, sometimes endlessly, to the repition cements your bond and makes the relief well worth the effort. Symptoms of ocd ebb and flow, however true love never wavers. I hope that this message helps even one person.

[Misspink]

Hi, I'm new to this forum ting.. but I have been having this same problem for quote some time and it has slowly gotten worse - causing stomach ulcers, my hair falling out, headaches, constantly tense, etc.) I'm 20 years old, I have ADD (I take adderall for it). I am a very jealous girlfriend. May 5th will be my 1 year anniversary with my boyfriend. He is without a doubt the BEST guy I have ever dated, and i know that he loves me and I love him too. We just recently moved in together (february).

 

Let me give ya'll a little insight on my past first, though: My last boyfriend was the boyfriend from ######.. I lived with him too but only for a month, and it was over a year ago, but I dated him for almost 2 years.. he was one of those guys who sort of "brainwashes" you, he was very controlling (ex: if I bought new clothes or looked cute, he would question me about it, who I was looking all cute for, etc.) He was very mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically abusive. Over the course of our relationship, he broke up with me or "took a break" 8 TIMES! My family liked him at first but then they just grew to dislike him the more he hurt their daughter. Like I said, I lived with him for less than a month, and when I finally got the courage to break it off with him, the only way I knew I could do it was when he wasn't there. He had gone on a business trip for 3 or 4 days, so one morning I emailed my mom (like I usually do) and told her what I wanted to do. By that afternoon, my older brother, my dad and I had the apartment cleaned of my things.. I didn't talk to him at all, when he called my work (like 30 times) i just told him i couldn't talk.. When he finally got back to our apartment I was long gone. That's the end of that..

 

I met my current boyfriend a week before I moved out from the ex's. in no way did my current boyfriend push me to do that, but over the 4 days that my ex wasn't in town I spent alot of time with him and we started to like each other more and more. In a way, I think he helped me do it (even though he doesn't know) he was the extra little push that I needed to move out of that horrible place. Now, like I mentioned, we live together, have so much fun together, I even got him a puppy for his birthday.. who might as well by our child, lol. He's a very laid-back southern boy, who doesn't play mind games and he hatttttess to fight. The only arguments we have ever had have always been caused by me! He tells me that I just "think too much" .. which is true. I started obsessing over his ex's when I found out about them.. and the number of girls he slept with .. which isn't a high number by the way.. and he's only had 2 ex girlfriends.. soo I know it would definitely be alot worse if I were dating anyone else.. He tells me to leave the past in the past but I just can't help but think about his past.. and everytime i think about it i just relive it, its like it's happening RIGHT NOW and then I just get mad.. I can be at work all day long, and I wont see him until he gets off work later at night.. but throughout the whole day i just get mad over things that happened over a year ago!! It builds up inside me then by the time he gets home from work he can just tell that's something is wrong with me by how im acting.. I eventually spill it, but i look for ways to bring it up and make him look guilty. He hates to fight, so he usually just wont argue with me, but sometimes he will. I know that he loves me and we've talked about getting married someday. His family really likes me, he's always taking me back home with him for weddings and other events. He's from a really small town, so i know pretty much everyone he knows. But when he goes home by himself, I will just cry and cry when he leaves and I just put these scenerios together in my head. . like his ex girlfriends being there.. and i just get so upset. By the time he comes back home to me, I'm mad at him.. for something that I THOUGHT he was doing, but I know he wasn't. I'll bring it up and when he tells me that its not true, i feel like an idiot for thinking that but i'm also torn b/c i really was thinkin about him doing those things.

 

I know that he worries about me, because my weight fluctuates, i'm constantly having a stomach ache, my headaches, etc. He's told me that he feels bad when I get so upset (which i bring on to myself) because he thinks that I'm just so unhappy with him.. BUt I am! I just dont know how to control these thoughts, obsessions. I have a great job, family and friends who love me. I know that if I knew how to control this problem, that I could be truley happy.. Last night, we were talking about how he's worried about my stomach problems, etc., and he mentioned that his mom and sister both take Zoloft for stress and that maybe i should look into it. Does anyone know if Zoloft helps?? Any advice on all of this would be appreciated more than you know.

[strugglingdude]

Hello,

 

I am also a sufferer of OCD, and I have problems with my dating relationships and what I think is my OCD. I'm 24, and every time I have ever started a dating relationship with a girl, I begin to start having thoughts about the last girl that I liked. These thoughts are unwanted and give me GREAT ANXIETY, b/c I feel so guilty for dating someone while still having thoughts and feelings about someone else. Eventually, I get to a point where I have to break off the relationship b/c the thoughts are so constant and give me so much anxiety. This time, I am trying to work through it by telling my girlfriend about these thoughts, but that hasn't really helped. I still have a ton of anxiety and guilt about it and am always wanting to break up with my girlfriend b/c it makes the anxiety go away, but she is awesome and I know that I don't really want to break up with her, it's just my dang OCD. Has anyone ever gone through this as well???? For a long time, I thought it was just fear of committment, which may be part of it. But I feel so guilty for putting her through this...I'm scared that if we do break up, then she's going to feel like I'm going back to the girl I used to like. any thoughts? am I really that crazy?