Just need to vent!

[airial95]

This morning, I met with the behavior therapist to work with my son at drop off at school. We had successfully gotten rid of ALL of his drop off/breakfast OCD rituals and anxiety - until he started in a new classroom 3 weeks ago, and then it all came back. Only worse - the rituals weren't the same and I wasn't doing a quick enough job of figuring out what was new (and when he has an OCD related meltdown, forget about him verbalizing it!!)

 

Of course - he was an absolute angel this morning. There were even a few curveballs thrown at him (out of his special milk, etc...) and he took them with a smile. As the teacher and I were talking with the behavior therapist about his issues this past week, another mother dropping her son off overheard us talking about Broderick biting this week and she chimes in (quite nasty) "yeah - he bit my son". Of course, I immediately apologize profusely and reiterate to Broderick that we don't bite our friends. To which she continues that he still has a really bad bruise, she's asked the school to try to keep my son away from hers, he shouldn't even be able to be at school and if I am taking him out I should keep him on a leash(exact words!). Stunned -I apologized again, and tried to focus my attention back onto the behavior therapist - the whole time this woman staring me down with the evil eye.

 

Now - we've been dropping off our sons at the same time every morning for a few months now. She routinely stares down not only me - but any other parent in the room at the time. She'll give you evil looks if you or your child says hello to her son. She sits with him every morning and feeds him his breakfast, he's 3 and she still feeds him like a baby. She also schedules a meeting with day care EVERY TIME her son has any sort of incident at school, for example, if her son hurts himself on a toy - she demands the toy be removed from the classroom. When you look up the definition of "helicpoter parent" there is a picture of her.

 

I've asked the teachers if her son has any issues like Broderick - since I try not to be judgemental anymore - I'm sure I look like one of those parents too with our OCD dances. And was told quite frankly by his teacher that no - the kid is fine, and actually a pretty good kid. Mom is just a giant pain-in-the-butt.

 

What frustrated me the most about her attitude and stare down this morning is that she has been in the room and heard discussions with the teachers, directors, behavior therapists and knows Broderick has issues. She was there, feeding her son his breakfast, when I had the in depth discussion with his 2 new teachers his first week in this new classroom about Broderick, PANDAS, what it is, how it manifests, what to look for, etc... So while I've not had any direct contact with her regarding it - she has been privy to MANY conversations.

 

I seriously just wanted to KICK HER IN THE FACE for telling me my son should be on a leash. It's hard enough for us to deal with him - but for pete's sake - the kids are just turning 3. It's not like biting or hiting or kicking isn't something that happens with the normal kids too at this age. And for her to be such a witch about things (when I was obviously mortified, apologetic, and addressing his issues - ######, the behavior therapist was there!) just pushed my buttons this morning.

 

I know we've all dealt with the looks, nasty remarks, and inferences that there's nothing really wrong with our kids - it's our parenting skills. But it still cheeses me off when it happens!!!!

 

Sorry - just had to vent. Now I can start my day.

[Fixit]

This morning, I met with the behavior therapist to work with my son at drop off at school. We had successfully gotten rid of ALL of his drop off/breakfast OCD rituals and anxiety - until he started in a new classroom 3 weeks ago, and then it all came back. Only worse - the rituals weren't the same and I wasn't doing a quick enough job of figuring out what was new (and when he has an OCD related meltdown, forget about him verbalizing it!!)

 

Of course - he was an absolute angel this morning. There were even a few curveballs thrown at him (out of his special milk, etc...) and he took them with a smile. As the teacher and I were talking with the behavior therapist about his issues this past week, another mother dropping her son off overheard us talking about Broderick biting this week and she chimes in (quite nasty) "yeah - he bit my son". Of course, I immediately apologize profusely and reiterate to Broderick that we don't bite our friends. To which she continues that he still has a really bad bruise, she's asked the school to try to keep my son away from hers, he shouldn't even be able to be at school and if I am taking him out I should keep him on a leash(exact words!). Stunned -I apologized again, and tried to focus my attention back onto the behavior therapist - the whole time this woman staring me down with the evil eye.

 

Now - we've been dropping off our sons at the same time every morning for a few months now. She routinely stares down not only me - but any other parent in the room at the time. She'll give you evil looks if you or your child says hello to her son. She sits with him every morning and feeds him his breakfast, he's 3 and she still feeds him like a baby. She also schedules a meeting with day care EVERY TIME her son has any sort of incident at school, for example, if her son hurts himself on a toy - she demands the toy be removed from the classroom. When you look up the definition of "helicpoter parent" there is a picture of her.

 

I've asked the teachers if her son has any issues like Broderick - since I try not to be judgemental anymore - I'm sure I look like one of those parents too with our OCD dances. And was told quite frankly by his teacher that no - the kid is fine, and actually a pretty good kid. Mom is just a giant pain-in-the-butt.

 

What frustrated me the most about her attitude and stare down this morning is that she has been in the room and heard discussions with the teachers, directors, behavior therapists and knows Broderick has issues. She was there, feeding her son his breakfast, when I had the in depth discussion with his 2 new teachers his first week in this new classroom about Broderick, PANDAS, what it is, how it manifests, what to look for, etc... So while I've not had any direct contact with her regarding it - she has been privy to MANY conversations.

 

I seriously just wanted to KICK HER IN THE FACE for telling me my son should be on a leash. It's hard enough for us to deal with him - but for pete's sake - the kids are just turning 3. It's not like biting or hiting or kicking isn't something that happens with the normal kids too at this age. And for her to be such a witch about things (when I was obviously mortified, apologetic, and addressing his issues - ######, the behavior therapist was there!) just pushed my buttons this morning.

 

I know we've all dealt with the looks, nasty remarks, and inferences that there's nothing really wrong with our kids - it's our parenting skills. But it still cheeses me off when it happens!!!!

 

Sorry - just had to vent. Now I can start my day.

 

i think it inappropriate that this parent is there listening....

i would address that with the staff and also ask to find somewhere private to talk...and maybe even roll your eyes toward miss(it's everyone else's kid)...

I hope you realize that this mom has some serious issues...not making light...but i truly think she has some problems.....

so in the mean time..do your best..as I'm sure you always do..and we all have our bad days..and pray or send good energy her way...

you handeled it great..and have every right to vent!!!!!

[Kayanne]

I am speechless...I can't believe anybody could be so rude

 

So sorry...((hugs))

[thereishope]

Oooooohhhh. She's lucky you don't have your cyber posse close by to "stare her down"!

[JAG10]

You know that saying about..... if you roll around with a pig, even if you're not a pig, you'll still end up dirty every time?

 

This woman is a pig. Deal with the staff and put on your stoic Ice Princess face around Porky.

[airial95]

Staff has been fantastic with my son, and all of our issues. We have a WONDERFUL child care facility - so there's been very little complaints there. We have a lot of discussions with the teachers and staff in private, however, sometimes out of necessity - the discussions have to take place in the classroom. Since I'm not shy about my son's condition, and will discuss it openly, it's never really bothered me.

 

I have to admit - she's lucky my son was having a good drop off - or I might have released the frustration and stress build up from my son's meltdowns on her "perfect parent" behind!!!

 

I knew you could all relate and wouldn't think less of me for just having to scream and vent!!!

[SarahJane]

So you're a virtual kicker? I'm a virtual puncher. You handled the situation very well. Not sure I'd have been able to hold my tongue. I'm sure you've thought of 100s of things you shoulda said to her. The staff really should protect your privacy more and should say something to her about the nasty comments. Seriously...none of her business. Hugs to you!

[thereishope]

I have an idea...You could send a subliminal message by carrying around a copy of "Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid" with the title facing out, towards her

[airial95]

I called to check in and see how it went with the therapist after I left. I jokingly apologized to the director for the near brawl I started this morning (her and I have a GREAT relationship - partly because she's amazing with my son.) When she asked what I meant, I told her what happened. The director's response "You didn't smack her? I would have!"

 

We did have a conversation about if/how it could've been prevented. But I think it's a moot point. This woman is just a witch and even if we weren't discussing my son's issues with the therapist, she probably would've still made a comment.

 

My solace - is that starting on the 28th my son will be at full day Pre-K 3 through ESE with the school district. So I'll be dropping him off there and wont' have to deal with her anymore!!! My son will still be with hers in the afternoon - but I won't have to deal with her - so I'm happier!

 

Although she's not as bad as the parent at our previous day care (were only there a few weeks - it was AWFUL!!) who actually asked the director to see my child's shot records after a bite to make sure they were up to date. Ummmmm - seriously???

[norcalmom]

Just a thought that someone shared with me about parenting a pandas kid. It makes you a better person. It makes you a better parent, it makes you more humble, more forgiving, more understanding. It makes you a better friend. It just makes you better on so many levels. Although I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, I know I'm better for it, so it one small way it is a gift.

 

You are better than her. She has a long way to go on her parenting journey. And don't worry - as some point in her life her child will give her a challenge that will force her to grow (and probably regret a lot of her past behaviors and comment). They all do in some way. We just get our lesson earlier than others.

[kimballot]

Just a thought that someone shared with me about parenting a pandas kid. It makes you a better person. It makes you a better parent, it makes you more humble, more forgiving, more understanding. It makes you a better friend. It just makes you better on so many levels. Although I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, I know I'm better for it, so it one small way it is a gift.

 

You are better than her. She has a long way to go on her parenting journey. And don't worry - as some point in her life her child will give her a challenge that will force her to grow (and probably regret a lot of her past behaviors and comment). They all do in some way. We just get our lesson earlier than others.

 

I agree with Norcalmom... and when that woman is facing her child rearing challenges she may just call you for advice - that is what has happened to me. My motto is "It is the person your child becomes that matters most".... Keep up the GREAT work!

[Priscilla]

Just a thought that someone shared with me about parenting a pandas kid. It makes you a better person. It makes you a better parent, it makes you more humble, more forgiving, more understanding. It makes you a better friend. It just makes you better on so many levels. Although I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, I know I'm better for it, so it one small way it is a gift.

 

You are better than her. She has a long way to go on her parenting journey. And don't worry - as some point in her life her child will give her a challenge that will force her to grow (and probably regret a lot of her past behaviors and comment). They all do in some way. We just get our lesson earlier than others.

 

 

So glad to see this, I was starting to think I was a little crazy because in so many ways this has changed me fo the better. As a parent, as a person. I was just telling my friends this weekend about how I wanted to never go back to the parent I was before all this. I dont' take my dd for granted at all now. I enjoy EVERY pleasant moment with her. I am so much more patient, and all this has actually brought my dh and I closer (there is no time or energy for us to argue:) I have actually seen great strides in my dd trying to express herself over the last couple weeks, it is amazing. I am much more sympathetic to moms with children acting out, I just have the problem of thinking everyone has PANDAS Anyway, in some wierd way I do believe it is a gift. Growing comes from suffering. I do have to say, this new found patience probably wouldn't have withstood that woman and that may have gotten ugly. Good thing you did what you did, you are a better person for it.