EmersonAilidh

Every now & then I have a good week. It's rare, but it does happen. That was the week before last for me. I refrained from posting on here last week when things started to sour because I didn't want to jinx myself. But, with the arrival of a new week, I know jinxing has nothing to do with it. I can't help but to think that Lyme treatment is making my P.A.N.D.A.S./PITAND symptoms stand out more. Does that make any sense? My physical symptoms, with the exception of the Narcolepsy, have been worlds better. But the mental ones have just nosedived. Oh my God. Pandas : You know what I'm talking about. When you're having a good week, & in the back of your mind you're waiting for it. Waiting for whatever will send it all toppling down. & after a few days of basking in the ecstasy of normalcy, you start noticing things. A shirt you liked got stained. A friend said something jokingly but it hit a little too close to home. You have a bad hair day. & for just a second, that feeling comes back. That all-consuming, overwhelming helplessness. Only it's different this time because you can push it down, feeling brave with those few good days on your side. So that twinge of melancholy, that flash of fury, that speck of apathy, they all go away. But after it's paid a visit the first time it makes itself a little too at home & starts coming more often, spending more & more time whenever it does. Sinking deeper into your couch, eating all the food in your fridge, leaving its toothbrush next to yours on the sink... & before you can say something, before you can even figure out what's going on, that stranger has moved in. Only he's not a stranger. He's someone you've known for a long, long time & fought tooth & nail to rid yourself of. Yet, here he is. Leaving the toilet seat up, reorganizing your kitchen, & making a mess of everything. Having him pay a visit was bad enough, but you were able to push him back out the door. Now that he's here, now that he's sunk his grubby toes into your carpet, molded his shape into your sofa cushions, the very fact of it all makes his presence even worse. You got him away the first time. So what's different now? Why am I so weak & stupid & pathetic? What is wrong with me? But you don't have time to hate yourself just yet, because then he starts visiting you at school. Following you when you go out with your friends. Hitching a ride on your shadow anytime you walk out the door. You KNOW you put that paper right here... It's a test grade & it's due today but it's nowhere to be found. & there he is. Rage. You have so much to say but you just can't seem to open your mouth. So you sit, the only silent one, feeling completely alone in a room full of people. Pretending to text the friends you don't have when your phone's dead anyway. &, dependable as always, there he is. Misery. After a few days of these surprises, he's latched onto your back. Digging his teeth & claws into your shoulder. Putting all of his weight on your poor kidneys. & then you go grocery shopping, you sit in Algebra class, or you lie in bed.... & he never leaves. You accidentally touched a doorknob. You missed a problem on the homework. You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror only to realize that you're hideous. & sure enough, there he is. But this time around he's got his friends. Agony. Anger. Desolation. Bitter. Despondence. Enmity. Gloom. Hate. Sorrow. All at once, all the time. (We know what we're given, & pandas are given blacks & whites. I'd love some shades of grey.) Until the weight of them all fighting for space on your back brings you to the floor. & keeps you there. & you don't leave the house anymore because you can't get up, & even if you did they would follow you. Hang onto every limb they could get their hands on. So you stay on the floor where you don't have to be reminded as much. & you sit & sit & sit, all of those volatile feelings getting heavier & heavier every single day until all you can do is scream. Throw a little fit. Dig your nails into your skin. Pull out your own hair. Beat the #### out of yourself like it's nothing. Take a razor to your wrist. Put your toes to the edge of a roof, all the while wondering... Would it stop then? All because you don't know what else to do. When you can't destroy them, when you can't shake those violent emotions, those itching obsessions, those haunting compulsions... You figure that the only way to make it stop is to move onto yourself. Because that burden is all you know, that weight becomes you. My Mom & stepdad went on vacation to Belize last week. I suppose it was Tuesday, but I can't really remember. I was going to go but tickets were three times as expensive for when I was on spring break & me & the sun haven't been friends lately anyway. Stupid sensitive eyes. Anyway, I look weird with a tan. My Mom left her car here, told me that I could use it as long as I didn't go far or do something stupid. She doesn't like it when her car sits around unused, she says it's bad for it. Well, they come back tomorrow & her car is just gathering dust. Not because I'm disrespectful & certainly not because I'm the only sixteen year old on Earth who wouldn't be thrilled at the prospect of being able to have the car to myself for a week. Just because I've had no reason to. On Thursday my friend Victoria came over. I've known her since the fourth grade, which is seven years now, & I love her in a big way. We weren't close before I got sick though, so there's not much of that Emerson she remembers. When she got to my house she told me that our friend Britlyn (who is basically my twin. It's a little freaky.) wanted to go to Braum's for ice cream. I told her that I had no money & she said "Oh, I've got enough, I'll pay for you!". So Britlyn picked us up (I wanted to drive but she was already out & about) & off we were. Only, when we got to Braum's Victoria didn't pay for me. She just ordered her ice cream cone & said "That's all." & this is where it gets panda-y. Because it's ice cream. It is just ####ing ice cream. But nothing "is just" anything to us. When your diet consists of little more than Adderall & Lima beans, ice cream is pretty exciting. Which is why I was so thrilled to sit & watch them eat theirs, while I sat. Wishing I wasn't broke, that I could eat like a normal girl, & that I didn't get trapped in my head so often. & that really is exactly what happens. We get visited by that one unwelcome intruder, that one nasty thought... & it's all over. They just multiply until it feels like there's nothing else in my head. I get so busy, so distracted with all of those thoughts that I basically tune out to the outside world in some vain attempt to focus on the commotion in my head. Sure enough though, you more you concentrate the more you notice. These black splotches of resentment where happiness should be. Traumas where summer memories should be. Night all the time, but never sunshine. Sure enough, a little bad thought turns into a couple bad thoughts turns into one big bad thought turns into turns into turns into until you've got this gigantic, complicated lump of self-loathing where your brain should be. It starts with the reasonable; I was disappointed that I didn't get to have ice cream. I was ticked with Victoria for not following through. I was jealous that my friends got to have ice cream. But then it all just goes downhill... I hate Victoria because I know she offered just to screw with me. Just to make me sad in front of Britlyn so that I would look stupid. Because she hated me & wanted to make sure that I was unhappy. I hated Britlyn because while she may have looked like me, I knew she didn't think like me. For smiling so big, for laughing so loud, for looking so pretty without makeup. For loving herself & being the perfect version of who I could be if I wasn't me. I hate myself for being fat & liking ice cream. For being chubby in all the wrong places. For having to watch every single thing I eat while everyone else can eat whatever they want without having to be scared of getting fat or sick. I hated my parents for going on vacation. Then I might have been able to pay for myself. & that's when it just gets bad... I feel guilty for thinking the way that I do. I know that's not me, but it's the me that I live with everyday. I love Victoria, I love Britlyn, & I love my parents. But I don't love me. Not this one, at least. So I take all of that resentment & flip it inwards. Above all else, I hate myself for hating myself. No one else feels like this, so why do I? Why am I so stupid, so weak & pathetic that I can't live with the things that everyone else does? Why am I so immature that it feels like I'm going through the terrible two's at sixteen years old? What is WRONG with me? & this is when the feelings mix. The blue & the red of sadness & anger come together to create the purple of apathy. When I clench my jaw until it feels as though my teeth might shatter. When I lock my toes, my ankles, & my knees, contort them until it feels as though they might pop. When I jerk my neck as far back as it will go, between my shoulderblades where the Dystonia is the worst. (these have taken years to perfect. Sounds like an odd thing to say, but there are times when you can NOT wait long enough to slip away. It's all wrapped in OCD. You have to do it, & you have to do it NOW. Or you might explode) Where it's the most painful. When people think of self-harm they think of self-hatred. I've got self-hatred to spare, but when I'm doing these things I'm not thinking of that. I'm not thinking of disenchantment. Or heartache. Or hopelessness. I'm thinking of nothing at all. If I just focus on that pain, that sting, that hurt... everything else melts away. Now, I don't mean that things get better, because they don't. It's like being lifted out of a fiery ###### for a minute of Purgatory. For a split second, it's divine. It's ecstasy. But it is NOTHING & nothing is better than the uproar in my head that I'm used to. It hurts like #### & it doesn't hurt a bit all at once. It's like one of those optical illusions, & it does take practice. To be able to feel like your bones are about to break without flinching. To draw blood in your hand using nothing but your nails without so much as blinking. To be able to hold a conversation while putting yourself in as much pain as physically possible at that moment. Self- harm doesn't have to be planned, it doesn't even have to take time out of your day. We know how to multi-task. All too often people think strictly of cutting, burning, starving, & things like that... We don't have to excuse ourselves, go to the bathroom & bang our wrists on the counter. We don't even have to get up from the table. But like all good things, that too must come to an end. It feels like a balloon popping. It starts off with reasonable frustration, grows to irrational fury, gets flatout crazy, until the pressure builds & it pops. I don't know how to put this next part, but anyone who's experienced it will understand. When I get mad, it's normal in the beginning. It's something everyone feels. But unlike everyone else, I can't control my anger. It controls me. When I start hating everyone, hating myself, & hurting myself... That's the panda in me. That's not something everyone feels, has ever felt, or ever will. Those feelings are blind & annihilate anything & everything in their path. Those feelings, those actions, are the crazy. But when that balloon pops, when that numbness expires... it's back to sanity, back to reality. Which is anything but pleasant, but at least I have the reigns. & that's when I cry. Because that is literally all you can do when you come back down to earth. Look through your own eyes again. Look at what you've done to yourself... & sob. Not because you have to, not because something little set you off, but because that's what you're supposed to do. THAT is natural, even though not everyone else knows how it feels. You sink to the floor, crumple in a ball, & cry into your hands. Just cry. You don't scream, nothing is making you cry, it's simple & it's beautiful even if it's sad. You feel hollow & exhausted, all your energy spent on hating yourself. & that's all it is. Pure, unadulterated sadness. Not misery or depression or despair. Just... sadness. I imagine it's like coming to after a long night of drinking. Figuring out what exactly you did. Having to face the choices you made. Praying you don't end up here again. Except, it's not a weekend thing for us. It's an everyday thing for us. We have to apologize for all of the horrible things we said. Fix everything we smashed. Look ourselves over to find the bruises we know are there. Lie in a heap on the bathroom floor, asking myself "What have I done???" until it doesn't mean a thing. Until I can't hear myself sniffling. Until I can't feel my scalding, salty tears. Until I'm ready to wipe my eyes & get up yet again to face another day. Because that's all I can do. People often ask me why I'm depressed. I don't like the word depressed in the first place, but I have a hard time conveying that I'm depressed because I'm depressed. I'm not sad because my boyfriend dumped me, because I'm making bad grades, or any other run-of-the-mill reason. Even more specifically, I'm not unstable because my bestfriend is in boarding school, or because another one killed herself just a few months ago, or because six months isn't enough time for me to fall out of love. I feel the way that I do because I am. There's nothing I or anyone else can do to "fix" something & make it all better. That's just how it is. I'm writing this because I was supposed to go to Braum's today to make up for last week. My friend Becky was going to take me & pick up our friend Lauren on the way. But when I texted Becky asking where to find her after school, she told me she had already left because she wanted to skip Science. I had to ask some random girl in my art class to take me home. In a vain attempt to keep my head up, I offered to pick Lauren up & go just the two of us. But she said she had no money. Which is odd, seeing as how she had enough to make these plans yesterday... & now my Grandma is offering to take me but I don't even want to. I haven't left the house besides for school & my Dad's since that failed ice cream trip, which was the first time I had in two weeks. I don't want to be me anymore. ^"I'm just a normal boy That sank when I fell overboard My ship would leave the country But I'd rather swim ashore Without a life vest I'd be stuck again Wish I was much more masculine Maybe then I could learn to swim Like 'fourteen miles away' Now floating up and down I spin, colliding into sound Like whales beneath me diving down I'm sinking to the bottom of my Everything that freaks me out The lighthouse beam has just run out I'm cold as cold as cold can be I want to swim away but don't know how Sometimes it feels just like I'm fallin' in the ocean Let the waves up take me down Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down Let the rain come down Where is the coastguard I keep looking each direction For a spotlight, give me something I need something for protection Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine The jetsam sunk, I'm left behind I'm treading for my life believe me (How can I keep up this breathing) Not knowing how to think I scream aloud, begin to sink My legs and arms are broken down With envy for the solid ground I'm reaching for the life within me How can one man stop his ending I thought of just your face Relaxed, and floated into space I want to swim away but don't know how Sometimes it feels just like I'm fallin' in the ocean Let the waves up take me down Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down Let the rain come down Now waking to the sun I calculate what I had done Like jumping from the bow, yeah Just to prove that I knew how, yeah It's midnight's late reminder of The loss of her, the one I love My will to quickly end it all Sat front row in my need to fall"

Apparently it's just not a good week to be a panda. I understand all of this. It is important to check for infections & stuff, but I know that's not what you want to hear. I know what it's like to get so angry over something little, or even nothing at all. I know what it's like to feel totally hopeless & empty & alone for no reason, or for one that shouldn't be a big deal. I know how things build up. How I get frustrated because I forgot something downstairs, so I pull some hair out. Then I get mad at myself for being unreasonable so I lock my joints. Then I feel stupid so I hit myself. I know rages better than I would like to. I know how afterwards you get so tired & you feel so horrible (not even angry anymore but I'm sitting there like "What have I done?" & chastising myself for acting like a toddler) that all you can do is sit in a ball & sob until you can't anymore. It sounds like a horrible day to most people. It's everyday for us. I know how sometimes the word optimism can mean as much to me as rhinoceros or apple. Because it feels like nothing is ever ever going to get better because I'm fundamentally broken, just inherently bad & doomed. For me, that's my self-harm/suicide tendencies motive. I feel like damaged goods. I'm screwed up & I can't be fixed. Then I start thinking that if I'm the problem, there's only one way to fix it.. I don't even know you but I love all of my pandas, including you. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'll admit that I'm rarely uplifting but it's been my experience that for whatever reason, sometimes it helps just to hear someone say that they know how you feel. <3

I can't look it up right now (in a rush) but that sounds horrifying! I have MycoP (first thing -along with Lyme- that I tested positive for). Just makes your skin crawl!

Well, I'll tell ya, Wilma. My daughter is nonverbal and has been "diagnosed" with autism since she was 3 years old. Until she was 10 (when we found my current pediatrician) I really couldn't get a doctor to check anything- everything was attributed to autism...illness just didn't exist in autism, I guess. She did, in spite of being sick with URIs almost constantly (was told its probably allergies because autistic kids get those a lot!), develop skills in reading and math, and even had quite a few (a hundred or so) verbal words that she used appropriately. Around 8yo, that was all lost and she degenerated into a mess of misery and self injury. But we were still seeing things through an autism filter and her OCD was called stims, stereotypies, and perseveration, etc. Around age 10, we had an insurance change and had to switch docs and stumbled upon her current pediatrician. At the same time, I was beginning to hear about PANDAS-the research was very new (was it really only 5 years ago?) and asked the new pediatrician to test for strep, even though she had no typical symptoms. She came up positive and we went through a couple of years of courses of abx whenever she tested positive for strep- which was whenever she was not on abx (well, there were a few negatives in there). She improved on abx every time and then when her behavior deteriorated, I'd bring her back in and she'd test positive and then we'd have another go round of abx. Getting the help of specialists locally was impossible. Her tonsils came out when she was 12. We thought that'd take care of the strep, so did not keep up the abx, and nobody wanted to swab a throat that was healing from tonsillectomy anyway. We had one of the worse flares ever after that. Bad, bad photophobia. Things that looked like seizures, but did not show up as seizure activity during the 8 day video eeg. Constant psychotic rages. After she healed the strep was back and she had bad vag. yeast as well. About eating and sleeping...was an issue her whole life- Until age 6 we kept her on bottles of strawberry protein diet shakes just so she'd get enough nutrition to stay alive- she would not eat solids and though she could drink from a cup, she would only drink water from a cup. Finally got rid of all the bottles when she was 6 and wouldn't drink them anymore because she was sick w/ a sore throat and it hurt to swallow. (that's what I think anyway- doctors did not check her throat because autistic kids have eating issues and the endless drooling is supposedly typical of autism as well). So we found a few things that she would eat- not great nutrition, but the best we could do. And between birth and age 10 when she started getting abx, I think she slept through the night maybe 10 times or so. I honestly do not remember much because I was so fricken sleep deprived myself! Anyway, with abx the sleep got better- somewhere in there we gave risperdal and other psych meds several tries. The risperdal did help her sleep...until it didn't anymore- but hey, it was a nice month! Still, when she has a PANDAS flare, sleep becomes an issue again and so does bedwetting. OCD gets in the way of sleep- she'll be just about drifting off then jumps up in a frenzy to perform whatever thing is OCD at that time, and has a terrible time getting it right. She wakes in the middle of the night to do the OCD, as well- could be she dreams OCD! The reason I said I'm not sure about PANDAS is because just recently she's had some extra stuff going on- looked like sydenham's chorea/lupus/hyperthyroid/diabetes insipidus/arthritis all mixed together. Then she tested positive on a rapid strep test while on 2 ABXs. So a course of clindamycin was administered and 2 days later she had a rapid positive again- but a swab was sent in for culturing and sensitivity testing. The culture came back negative for strep. So the "more than PANDAS" symptoms, together with the fact that we no longer know if any of her rapid strep positives were actually strep...I'm feeling sort of lost. Though her "other symptoms" are slowly improving, her PANDAS stuff (or what we thought was?) is definitely getting worse. In fact I had to take a break in the midst of writing this to deal with a twenty minute bout of SIBs and aggression. I can pretty much gauge how poorly she's doing by how beat up I am. I'm sorry this is so long, (and you're probably sorry you asked) but once i started it just all came pouring out. I hate this crap! Peggy, I read your post yesterday and wanted to respond, but couldn't think of how. I'm trying to think of a word that honors your love and devotion to your daughter and the one that keeps coming to mind is holy. Your strength is so admirable; you are an inspiration to all of us here. You frequently enter my thoughts when I am praying, but in those moments of prayer, it is you that is giving to me spiritually. You are an amazing, amazing woman and mother. Let it pour out. I hate this crap too. Jill I second that! You're amazing, Peggy!

Me. Showed Epileptogenesis in November of 2009 but haven't gotten it looked at since. -___-

At the beginning of this week I finally maxed out on the dose of Noni/Samento(TOA-free Cat's Claw), fifteen drops twice a day, one day behind schedule. So I've got a couple weeks of peace where nothing is increasing or changing, phew! Whenever I finish this prescription of Doxycline, though, I've got to add in Omnicef & I'm pretty scared. If the uphill herbal dosage made me herx as bad as it did, what kind of terrors can I anticipate with the addition of the cell-wall inhibitor? & on that note, aren't those the worst kind of Lyme antibiotics since the Borrelia can just go into its cell wall-deficient form? I'm so confused. :/ Also, has anyone found any light sensitivity relief? Besides the obvious sunglasses, of course. I'm just tired of having to wear them everywhere I go. :/

Huh! It said there was still a week or two left when I posted it! No matter, though. If voting is closed then we won! & no, no sign in stuff!

I've gotta say, EEG's are one of the few things I do trust in the neurological community. If they were "typically abnormal" then it wouldn't make sense for people with seizures that aren't petit mal to get diagnosed. I mean, good luck finding someone who has tonic-clonic seizures with a normal EEG. Every doctor I've asked, & there have been QUITE a few, has said that about 2-4% of people without Epilepsy will get an abnormal reading. My EEG in November 2009 was insanely abnormal & I've had a whole #### of a lot of trouble getting someone to duplicate the test specifically because they all say "Well, you're probably in that 2-4%", which is definitely a wide enough margin to refuse to redo a simple-enough test. -_____- (Can you hear my sarcasm?) The paper says that EEGs are typically abnormal within that specific condition. I wouldn't take that as a blanket statement. Epilepsy isn't something like P.A.N.D.A.S. or Lyme. There are certainly still mysteries but I don't think that taking a normal test result as abnormal is a good idea.

http://www.sponsafier.com/#/gallery/page:0/pageSize:12/sort:vote/ Toyota is making a racecar for whichever cause gets the most votes. Being from Texas I'm surrounded by NASCAR waaaay too much & have come to abhor racing, but it's still an awesome opportunity & so far we're number one! Second place has half as many votes as us, but don't get too comfortable & keep voting & posting!

I'm gonna ask my Health Science teacher if we can do something special for it, even if it's just reading an article or something. If she'd let me do a presentation I'd totally be up for it! So far I have come up with no better ideas than a shirt though. I checked out the official events page & the majority of them are things I can't replicate or do on a smaller scale, even. Bleh. So awesome about all of the offers for Autistic families! The only thing I've found around here is that the Dallas Museum of Art is opening a few hours early exclusively for Autistic families. They're gonna have a kid-friendly exhibit, too. Can't imagine many Autistic children liking their usual collection too terribly much, haha. After searching through LOTS of designs online I think I'm gonna do a "Peace, love, Autism" shirt. Some of the ones online were awesome but I'm a cheapskate & have to make everything on my own, hahah. In my experience there have been many times when I've braced myself for people not being understanding when I tell them that my brother is Autistic... only to find out that they don't even know what it is. "Does that mean he's retarded?" "Those are the people who can't talk, right?" So on, so forth. Hopefully this one will be a tad more successful than the Rare Disease Day one. I think that it will be since most people have at least heard of Autism, as opposed to TS-L & P.A.N.D.A.S. I hope everyone's having an awesome day & that we're able to think of something great to do!

Does anyone have plans?! I know this year's theme is "Light it Up Blue", but I don't think anyone in our town would be at all curious, much less enough so to ask, about why our lights were blue. I was figuring I'd just make another t-shirt but wanted to try to do something a little more creative than that! Hmph. If we don't end up doing anything as a family, I might be volunteering at the Special Olympics that day but I was just wondering if anyone had cool ideas for things to do. Let's all brainstorm!

Buster, you are AWESOME!!! I just wanted to add that one reason I don't log on here as much anymore is that I don't get on the computer nearly as much now that I have my iPhone. Sounds dumb, but it's true. I've also gotten in touch with some of the Moms I've gotten closest to on here on FaceBook & through the phone & all that. SarahJane, PixiesMommy, & BrownEyesMom are some examples of that. I definitely haven't forgotten about ACN though!!! Lots of times when I do log on I'm just watching. I've been doing my best to avoid posting "updates" everyday because believe me, I want to. Hahah. Another reason is that I have been doing my best to keep Lyme stuff on the Lyme board. I'll mention it on here if it's relevant, but I try to keep them separate since I know some P.A.N.D.A.S. moms do get frustrated about all that. I think a lot of it ends up on here just because there are so many members & most of us are really active, whereas the Lyme board is just getting up & running. I still think about everyone I've met on this forum every day & I am so thankful to have found ACN when I did! A year ago at this point I had never seen a P.A.N.D.A.S. specialist. Had no idea about the Lyme. Had never even dreamed of starting treatment! I've made more progress in the ten months I've been on ACN then I have in the six or so years that I've been sick, & I owe it all to you guys! This forum is invaluable & while it is sad to see people go, you have to remember that most people wouldn't want to surround themselves with all of this after things got better. Personally, I think I'll only be logging on more once I'm better, but it's totally understandable. I love my cyberfamily!

I always have problems recommending/advising against meds since I was on so many at once but Tenex is one of the few that I'm okay with supporting. My time on it was brief but it saw a noticeable improvement in symptoms. Can't remember the dose though :/

& this SUCKS. Trying my damnedest to keep my head up though. Today, day 8, has been the most difficult yet. The headaches, that I haven't had in MONTHS, are back. My muscles ache so bad I can hardly use my left arm. I am more exhausted than ever. But I just keep reminding myself that worse is actually better. I have another seven days of increasing the Samento & Noni, so I think it should get a little better after that... Let's hope so, at least. The most notable little moment of clarity was when on day 4 I sat to play the piano & played a song that I haven't been able to in 3 years. Made me so happy. So far there have been no huge, dramatic changes to report, but there are definitely smaller ones that still put a smile on my face. I stayed up until 1AM. Sounds like such a lame thing for a sixteen year old to be proud of, but oh well. Wish I had more to relay, but all I've really been doing this past week is getting to know that monster called a Herxheimer, which sucks, sucks, & oh yeah... SUCKS. Ugh. Hopefully I'll be able to post something awesome soon. For now, that's about it.

Even I'm not on nearly as often as I used to be. I think a huge part of it is getting cured or at least making progress & not wanting to focus on the problem by coming on here. As I've been on my way to getting better, I've noticed myself getting on here less & less. It's sad & sometimes it even feels like losing a friend but if I don't see someone on here for a while I take it as a good sign.

Oh yeah! Forgot to ask... Will you be pursuing ART testing if the co-infection tests come back negative? I've heard those are just as 100% reliable as the Borrelia Burgdorferi ones! Yippee! except not really, just kidding, hahaha. Also, antibody screens or PCRs? I was lucky enough to test positive for Lyme & Mycoplasma the first time we ran a blood test, but it missed the Bartonella & Babesia. As far as I'm concerned, ART is the way to go!

I'm still in the worse stage myself, the MUCH much worse stage really, so I can't offer much advice but you & your little one will be in my prayers & thoughts! <3

Melatonin never did a THING for me. So consider yourself lucky! Hahaha. To avoid that groggy feeling I'd suggest trying some Valerian root. After being prescribed practically every benzodiazepine known to modern medicine with literally zero success, Valerian root did the trick the very first night! Definitely worth looking into. So glad to hear about your treatment! It's awesome to have someone starting at almost the exact same time as me, hahaha. Are you doing TOA free Cat's Claw? Mine is called Samento & I can't remember if I told you on FaceBook it not, but, it's a killer. (get it...? Cos it's killing spirochetes..? Hehe. ) I know for me & Linda both it has been... Gnarly. Can't think of a better word, hahaha. So, good luck with that! Are you doing the uphill dosage? So happy for you guys! Best of wishes from Texas. Y'ALL ( ) know you can shoot a message to your Southern treatment buddy whenever!

The tingling/numbness in the extremities is very common & was a huge symptom for me! It got better, not worse, after treatment though. Have you looked into Bartonella? Me & PixiesMommy's daughter both get this weird, spiderweb looking pattern on our skin sometimes. I can't speak for her, but mine is mostly on my legs & is a circulation issue. PixiesMommy found the name of it but I can't remember... Either way, it's associated with Bartonella & since it's a circulatory problem it is related to the tingly/"asleep" feeling.

Can't tell if that says AI3 or AL3. I've heard lots about AL3, which is just a fancy name for Omega 6 fatty acid (I'm ALMOST positive it's 6...). Nothing about AI3, though. Even if these do work I think there are much more reputable, tried & true supplements to look into. That's just me, though.

We were recommended Alka Seltzer, too. Never bought it though. D: so many suggestions, so little time & moolah.

Can't tell if you're referring to me or not! I'm typing on my phone so sorry in advance for any typos. Mine said it was preferrable to take it on an empty stomach, but, like you, it didn't bode well in the queasy department. All of the absorption tips sound awesome! I usually just eat a little snack with it, not a whole meal or anything big/heavy like that.

Haha! Definitely enough microbes over here, too.

Don't have time to read all of the responses but I get this ALL THE TIME!!!!!!! I've had a hard time getting it to show up in photos, though. It mostly happens on my legs & feet. Also, I've got burns on both of my knees & they turn way darker whenever I've got the spiderweb thing going on. I showed it to the nurse practitioner at my last well check & she told me I was cold. I like her but, um. I think I would know if I was cold.

I am so sorry to hear that but also so happy to hear that you're seeing someone as good as Dr. Klinghardt! Best of wishes to you. <3