EmersonAilidh

I'm no pansy when it comes to meds. For Lyme treatment alone I've taken two liquid detoxes, which as you can problably imagine tasted WONDERFUL, & two tinctures that actually weren't all that bad. When I initially got put on antipsychotics I couldn't swallow pills & so I was taking liquid Risperdal multiple times a day. My point being... I'm no baby. I can make myself deal with some foul tasting stuff & have proven so on multiple occasions. Took the Mepron last night, which really wasn't that bad. Just numbed my mouth & made me look like I had lost a fight with Big Bird. It was also really difficult making sure that I took it all since I measured it right but it was so thick that it just sat there when I was trying to take it. Eventually had to scoop it out with my finger, but whatever. Do whatcha gotta do. The Para-A, on the other hand, was a different story entirely. First & foremost, I know better than to smell meds before trying to take them. Don't think that's ever turned out well for anyone. But this stuff looks like oil & reeks the second you open the cap, oh my God. Still, I put a little dropper into a bit of lemonade & tried to grit my teeth, but the second it hit my tongue my body was just like "Oh #### no" & in what has got to be the most automatic gag reflex I've ever seen I spit it out all over myself. Tried it once more with the same results. It's not even so much that I'm thinking "Oh. this tastes bad. I should get this out of my mouth," as it is my mouth just absolutely refusing to swallow it. What has helped you guys with this?

Got taken off of the Doxycycline because of the phototoxic rashes. Added in 500mg Azithromycin a day (such a high dose because I have a resistance to it. It's one of the abx UrgentCare doctors like to throw at you when they say you have an upper respiratory infection without even looking at your throat), 5mL Mepron twice a day, 500mg Alinia twice a day (haven't gotten that one yet though...), 2 tablets Artemisinin a day, 3 capsules Adrecor a day, & 2 "droppers" of Para-A twice a day. We kept the Cefdinir at 300mg twice a day, kept the Samento, & replaced the Noni with Cumanda. In one month I'll be adding 500mg Paromomycin three times a day & replacing the Para-A with ParaComp. Besides that I'm also taking my usual Adderall, vitamins (B Complex, Calcium, Biotin), birth control (not sexually active. have menstruation problems), blood pressure meds, & my not-so-usual antidepressant, which hasn't done much as of yet but I'm still hopeful. We cleared the Mycoplasma! Which means that the current list of offenders is Borrelia Burgdorferi, Bartonella, Blastocystis Hominis.... & of course, the dreaded Babesia. I was supposed to have cleared the Blastocystis as well by now but oh well. As excited as I am that my immune system at least did SOMETHING (which is better than usual for that lazy SOB), I'm mad that it didn't do as well as it was supposed to. Still waiting on the NKC/T cell/EverythingElse workup from Dr. Rao. LLMD also couldn't find any signs of Candida, which I wasn't too terribly concerned about but was definitely nice to hear. I might have already posted this but a couple weeks ago we confirmed that my long QT Syndrome is completely & totally gone. The cardiologist said he could see NOTHING wrong. Yay, no heart problems for me! Also, night before last while laying in bed I rolled over & my neck/back popped so loud that it sounded like a gunshot & seriously scared me. When I sat up... I could look to my sides. The Dystonia is definitely still there but is improving, even if just a little bit, for the first time since I've had it. I'm gearing up for the herx of a lifetime with all of the new stuff... Definitely ready to be hiding in my bed for the next couple weeks, hah. Oh well. It'll be worth it.

Hi! Herxing is different for everyone so I can't really tell you one way or the other how it'll be, if it even happens, for you guys but I can tell you how it happened for me. "Anyways, is it true that my childs behaviors are going to get much worse before they get better?" One of the most common herxing symptoms is fatigue, & in all honesty mine was so bad that I could hardly think enough to act on my OCD. I'm Narcoleptic so my fatigue was worse than most, but I haven't heard much about OCD getting worse in a herx. The two ways I see people most often describe herxing are that it exacerbates the problems you already have or gives you "flu-like symptoms". For me it was more flu-like symptoms than anything else. It is most likely true that they will get worse before they get better, but you'll just have to wait & see to find out what exactly that implies. "Does this happen to everyone?" Herxing is a die-off reaction. When your body's full of bacteria & you introduce a bunch of antibiotics out of nowhere to kill them, the little buggers start flooding your bloodstream all at once, releasing toxins as they go. It's all too easy to forget when you're in the middle of a herx, but feeling worse actually means you're getting better!!! MOST people have noticeable herxes, but not 100%. It also depends on what all you're starting off on, but it's safer to prepare for a herx than to hope you don't have to deal with it. "Does it last a long time?" That also really depends on what exactly she's being prescribed & how resilient her body is. I try to be as honest as possible on here so I can admit that for me, the one week mark was my lowpoint. Those first seven days were Hellish (keeping in mind that my doctor likes to hit infections hard & fast. No easing into it for me) but it started looking up after that. I'd say it took about two to three weeks before the herx symptoms were really abating, & by the time I added Omnicef in the fifth week they were totally gone. I didn't feel perfect by any means, but once you've felt one you can tell a herx from your regular symptoms. Is there anything I can do to help prevent things getting worse? Skipped the drainage one cos I don't know anything about that. Milk thistle made a huge difference in herxing for me. I also have Spirulina tablets that I've been saving for the herx I get to start this week, hooray! But I can't attest to their effectiveness just yet. Epsom salt baths were a lifesaver & a heated blanket was a must-have for me. Some people also swear by teas like Kombucha, organic Peppermint, & Dandelion root, but I didn't drink them as often as I should have so I can't say much. Also, if you can get your hand on a "Comfort Bag", it's like a portable heating pad that didn't leave my side the whole time, haha.

Doxy's a nasty one. It's not a "sunburn", it's called a "Phototoxic rash" & it's a kind of Porphyria. I only clarify cos it makes a difference with how you deal with it. The thing that sucks about them is that once you get one... they just keep on coming. I took my last dose of Doxy yesterday morning because, as my doctor put it, "Unless you plan on never leaving the house, you can't stay out of the sun in Texas". It took over a month for me to become photosensitive but I was EXTREMELY sensitive once it happened. The first rash came when I had been outside, with sunscreen, for only twenty minutes. My last one was on the top of my hand (I think it's scarred...) five minutes after stepping outside. I had forgotten my sunscreen that day though. Melissa recommended Ocean Potion sunscreen after the first one & it has worked like a charm at preventing them. I use the anti-aging one because it's not as heavy as the other kinds, not to mention that it makes you smell like a giant Dreamsicle, but as long as it has the "Solaplex Photostable UV Filter" (mine says it right on the front) it should do the trick. As far as helping the current one... I've mostly used witch-hazel, which can sting a bit, & Vitamin E oil. Somebody told me not to use Aloe Vera on those kinds of burns but I've heard of people having success with it so I don't really know about that. hope that helps at all!

I don't have any advice but I am so sorry that you are in this situation & if there's ANYTHING I can do to help just let me know!

I'm gonna post on the Lyme board about my second LLMD appointment on Tuesday, but for now all I have time for is this. I started therapy something like three weeks ago. Had my second appointment yesterday & he echoed three other doctors by telling me that I was BiPolar. Nope. Nuh uh. No way. Not having that. I've gotten comfortable enough around doctors to know when I need to hold my tongue, & this was not one of those times. I let him know that he was wrong & that I wouldn't be taking Lithium or any other mood stabilizer. I like this doctor because he's very open to my opinion. He took my disagreement in stride & said that if I was opposed to Lithium we could try an antidepressant. We went with Lexapro but for some reason it's causing problems at the pharmacy so we might be switching to Celexa. My question is... I've heard the horror stories about P.A.N.D.A.S. & SSRIs but leave it to me to need to see it for myself. How many kids react badly to the antidepressants & how exactly do they react? Surprisingly enough I haven't covered the whole pharmaceutical rainbow just yet & haven't ever been prescribed an SSRI before. I'm going to try it no matter what, but I just wanted to check in beforehand.

Don't have kidney issues over here but I'm sure there's gotta be someone on here who could relate!

The Omega 3 & Vit D might have helped but they wouldn't have dropped the antibodies. The test does indicate a recent infection though, so I wouldn't worry too much about that. Mostly just reiterating that a lot of, if not MOST P.A.N.D.A.S. kids are asymptomatic for strep. I won't get ANY strep-like symptoms when I get it. I just know to get tested whenever my friends start getting sick. I tested skyhigh for strep (especially a specific kind called GABHs) for the first fourteen years of my life, but only showed symptoms for the first half of that. Quite often when P.A.N.D.A.S. kids get strep our first hint is our behavior/moods/seemingly-unrelated-symptoms. I'll know to check my throat if I'm more irritable than usual, for example. Not trying to scare you, but just saying you never know! It's also worth mentioning that strep isn't exclusive to the throat, although that is definitely its favorite hangout spot. Strep is especially common in the gut for us, but can be found other places too. Also, PITAND (Pediatric Infection Triggered Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders), isn't exclusive to strep either. P.A.N.D.A.S. is just a type of PITAND, but a lot of us react to a whole lot of stuff besides strep.

My Mom sent my information in YEARS ago but never heard anything back as far as I know. So awesome to see them doing things like this!

This is a bad, bad morning. I'm currently sitting up against my bathroom wall, trying to stay near the toilet. I have a fasting bloodwork draw with Rao at 9:45. So, I haven't eaten in something like twelve hours. Dumb me wasn't thinking, got on autopilot as soon as I woke up, & took all of my morning pills anyway. That includes Doxy & Omnicef. I've heard people say it's made them a bit queasy, it even makes me a tad queasy if I haven't eaten enough, but oh my GOD. my body is trying to throw up all of the medication but won't. So I just keep retching & gagging & nothing is happening. What do I do???

Happy for you!

Didn't go to school today. Long story. Basically, I kept trying & it just didn't work out. Anyway, this is TAKS (Texas Assessment of Knowledge & Skills) week. TAKS is a state mandated & issued test that takes nearly all day & is nothing short of mind-numbing. That being said, whenever it comes around the whole school freaks out & tries to act all in tip-top shape. Specifically, they freak out about the bathroom. We've only had one test so far this year (the English one) & the teacher whose room I got put in (it's alphabetical through your entire grade - not a teacher you know) didn't let me use the bathroom for three hours. I've only had to do it once before when a sub told me she wasn't allowing anyone to leave the room, but how exactly do you recommend going about that? I hate saying "Well, I have a 504 Plan," but if they're supposed to let me go to the bathroom... I better be walking my happy self to the bathroom. We have one tomorrow, Thursday, & Friday, so I'm just trying to be prepared since it happens every single year! On another note, how is everyone doing?

I do have Bartonella & I get the same spiderweb rash as Amanda's girls. This isn't from that though. What did you do for it? I did use sunscreen even though I was tanning because I am as white as white gets & really prone to burning. Odd thing was that it popped up while I was lying on my back & not facing the sun.

Wow! Thanks for posting this. Why aren't they?

Was feeling so good today I decided to go tan for the first time ever. Guess how well that went? After posting a FaceBook status about it my phone was blowing up with notifications but I wasn't checking them because I was relaxing. Go figure. Anyway, Linda was freaking out that I was in the sun & eventually my Mom got ahold of me & told me to get out. I looked it up on my phone, saw that it didn't seem to be that risky, & decided to stay out for ten more minutes since that was how much time I wanted anyway. As soon as I went to lay back down though my friend was like "What's on your face?" Oh. Nothing. Just a giant porphyria rash. Called five of my doctors, including my LLMD... Guess what? They're all out for Good Friday. Called Care Now & they don't give medical advice over the phone. There's also zilch about what to do for it on the internet. Do I use aloe vera or leave it alone or what? It burns & I feel really bad... :/ This was less than an hour ago. Picture doesn't do it justice. It's pretty bright.

When my teacher was explaining religion she told us that faith is an umbrella. You've got Islam. & then under that umbrella you've got Sunni, Shi'ia, Sufi, all that... You've got Christianity, & under that you've got Protestantism, Catholicism, Orthodoxy, blah blah. I see P.A.N.D.A.S. & Lyme the same way. You've got P.A.N.D.A.S., & then under that you've got OCD, tic disorders, immune problems... Under Lyme though you just pretty much have everything. Epilepsy, heart problems, & Dystonia definitely aren't uncommon with Lyme. That being said, I have "picked" one. Or two, I guess. The P.A.N.D.A.S. & the Lyme. Those two led to more things though. Good luck finding someone with Lyme who has no other diagnoses. I haven't done IVIG, PEX, or steroids. You can't do steroids with a bacterial infection. They work with P.A.N.D.A.S. by telling your immune system to shutup, so when you need your immune system to be working that's anything but a good idea. We chose to go the antibiotic route before IVIG/PEX but they are still on the table for afterwards. Dr. Rao assured me that I was right when I chose to do antibiotics first, & he's an immunologist. He also agreed with me that seeking specifically P.A.N.D.A.S. treatment would be basically pointless since I'm already on antibiotics anyway. He doubted that throwing Augmentin into the mix of strong ones I'm already on would make much of a difference. I have never had treatment before this March, besides for an RxHappy neurologist who liked to give me experimental meds. I'm not doing individual treatments, I'm on Lyme treatment. I do take Adderall & Nadolol for the fatigue & headaches just to get through the day though. I am on such a low dose of both that they can hardly be called "treatment". The P.A.N.D.A.S. diagnosis came first (technically after the "Tourette's" one) with the OCD & the Lyme diagnosis came after that, even though I had it for years beforehand. The subsequent diagnoses came in between.

As you can Probably tell from the title, these past couple weeks haven't exactly been great. I'm typing this on my phone on a bus, so I apologize in advance for any typos. Memory problems have worsened tenfold. Putting that first because I honestly can't remember what I was going to post... Whatever. Guess I'll start with yesterday. Saw a psychiatrist (FINALLY) & Dr. Rao (Again... FINALLY). Liked both of them. My Mom had to come in for the first psych consult. We mostly just covered the basics but I'm definitely looking forward to being back in therapy. He suggested mood disorders. BiPolar Disorder I, II, Cyclothymia... All that. I don't know when anyone is going to realize that I AM NEVER MANIC. When my head hits the pillow, I'm out for twelve hours & still fighting naps all day. Not exactly restless if you ask me. I go from bad to really bad. Sometimes I even get to touch baseline. He supported my diagnoses & ordered an EKG & bloodwork. EKG because a lot of psych meds are "QT prolonging," which I've had a problem with in the past. He said that once we get the bloodwork he'll schedule me another EEG, but only because he wants to take me off Adderall. You can probably imagine how hard I laughed at that. "Well, if you want me walking into your office & being coherent for my appointments I'd suggest you not go that route." In all seriousness though I know Adderall worsens seizures & that with my EEG I probably shouldn't be on it... But I can't go without it. Not in some crazy amphetamine junkie way, in an I'm a disabled Narcoleptic interested in getting through another day kind of way. Rao was next. LOVED him. Gave him a full history & he's creating a unique immuno workip for me to have drawn in seven days. He knows for a fact that we're doing all of the basics & also T-Cell workups but he's adding more still to that. He doesn't think my immune system is in good shape. Surprise surprise there, haha. he also had no answer for the mystery infection that took four months & three courses of antibiotics to clear but definitely didn't like the sound of it. He also reiterated how badly I need another EEG. After looking at the first report he said it was Epileptogenesis of the Temporal Lobe. That was in November of 2009. Went home & looked up Temporal Lobe Epilepsy & it's admittedly got me pretty scared. Also led to a huge fight between me & my Mom. My stepdad's out of town & we've been at eachother's throats ever since.

On Thursday I did eat lunch at the scheduled time & I ate fine today, too. Neither of them helped. :/ Thursday I had waffle fries from Chick-Fil-A (you could probably guess that there's a story behind that, haha) & for whatever reason my friend made mashed potatoes, corn, hashbrowns, & mac n' cheese for lunch/breakfast at 11:30 today. Didn't do a thing to curb it.

As most of you probably know I refrain from posting anything until I'm sure it's necessary. Don't wanna post about what I think could be a symptom/herx & then just find out it's some one day fluke. For the past week or two, I have felt horrible. Well. More horrible than usual. The weirdest part about it though is that it starts at the same time everyday... Around 1PM. like clockwork. Some days it's gone away quickly, others (like last night) I go to bed still feeling like it. My school starts at 7AM, we have lunch at 10:30AM on A days & 1:00PM on B days. & we get out at 2:30PM. I don't eat lunch there since they have literally zero options for me & I'm not hungry for lunch at 10:30AM anyway. Besides a few exceptions, like the beginning of this year & TAKS days, that's always been the case. Earlier this week I started feeling HORRIBLE at one PM. it starts off with a headache. Not a painful, normal headache. One of the foggy disorienting Lyme ones where everything just feels... Wrong. Except ten times worse than usual. Sometimes I can't even walk. Just stumble around until I inevitably fall over. Then my stomach starts hurting. Sharp, stabbing pains even when I've been super careful & more dilligent with my probiotics than ever. Once I'm hunched over with my head between my knees, trying to make everything stop whirling & my stomach calm down, the nausea sets in. & THAT is weird. I don't get nauseous. Gluten, meat, you name it... Doesn't make me nauseous. I haven't vomited in eight years. & it's not the kind of nausea that's content with being exclusive to your stomach. I feel nauseous in my bones, muscles. My heart & my brain. I just feel NAUSEOUS all over. It sounds odd but that's really the only word. I feel bone-weary & more exhausted than ever. I can't sit up or keep my eyes open. It's horrible. I thought it might have been because I was menstruating, but that stopped two days ago & the feeling hasn't left. I also even went so for as to make myself eat earlier than usual today (I HATE getting off schedule...) & it didn't make a bit of difference. None of my meds are increasing & I've added nothing new since the Cefdinir, which I tolerated fabulously. I have no idea why I would be feeling like this... Does anyone have any advice or suggestions?

Besides sunglasses, obviously. As awesome as looking like a mysterious secret spy sounds, I'd rather not have to wear shades ALL the time. Besides, lately I've had troubles finding any dark enough! Are there ANY other options?! This is the only symptoms that has just gotten insane with treatment. Oddly enough, it wasn't even a symptom before! Ugh.

Thank you! How are you guys?

Added Omnicef (100 mg BID) on Thursday (or something like that). Was supposed to have finished Yodoxin but I still have some left. :/ Thought it was twice daily in the beginning when it's really three times daily. Oops. Whatever. Had a pretty good weekend. Even got out of the house three times. Hung out with my old friends Danielle, Dane, & Lyndze (how she wants me to spell it -___-) on Friday. Spent the night & made bracelets with my friend Lindsey same night. Hung out with my friend Victoria (yes, the Braum's one) Saturday & spent the night with her that night. The first two went over well. Third one not so much. I'll spare you the boring details because if you know one petty, catty sixteen year old you know them all. Went to my Dad's on Sunday as usual & like always that was good. I didn't have much faith in the Omnicef at all. Using a cell wall inhibitor for MycoP, which has no cell wall, & Lyme, which can make itself cell-wall deficient? Hmph. Bah, humbug. After the first two doses though... I felt awesome. I was talking in class, laughing, didn't have to try to think about what to say. How to hold my hands, how to stand. Sounds odd but when you've got OCD everything is a thought out process. No such thing as spontaneous for us. I quickly noticed something though... I would wake up feeling as exhausted & just generally horrible as ever. Go downstairs, eat a balanced breakfast of Corn Flakes & pills. I would start feeling alright while getting ready for school. I found myself having extra time because I wasn't struggling with my shoulders to do my makeup. I could choose an outfit without having a meltdown. &, perhaps most importantly, I could get out the door without forgetting 1309238048397398243 things. In first period, Pre-AP English II, I was nearly downright cheery. But uncomfortable with it... "What the #### is this??? Do I want to talk to people...?" so even though I was happy I still kept to myself a bit, but my classmates seemed pretty surprised to learn that I wasn't a mute after all. I was FaceBooking Denise telling her that I felt better that I had in years. I chose my wording carefully to avoid saying "I haven't felt like this in years," because, quite simply... I've never felt like that. I felt light. Not in some weird, supernatural, lifted kind of way. It didn't feel like someone had completely removed that burden from my previous post, but it was like they just lifted up a side of it. It was nice. By third period, though, it was over. Sitting in Business Computer Information Systems, this one kid kept honking & snorting & doing whatever it took to keep from just getting up & walking a whole four feet to blow his nose. That would be annoying to anyone, but to a panda that's torture. Sitting in a silent room with someone repeatedly making the same irritating noise? Oh my God. He wasn't the kind of guy I wanted to mess with so I tried to just grin & bear it, but it was even worse than usual. Almost uncontainable. I did all of my little tricks but still had to grit my teeth just to keep from sobbing. Or lashing out, for that matter. On Saturday night I did start crying when Victoria thought it was funny to smack her gum. I hate people. As far as I can tell the Omnicef has made the difference. How much I'm liking that difference, however, is another story... I wake up feeling so bright, & as the day goes on it just gets cloudier & cloudier. It seems like for every inch I feel better I have to pay a foot. I am SO happy to be feeling hopeful & happier, but I am more easily annoyed & quicker to anger than ever. Which is saying QUITE a bit. On that note, I have been angry. But I haven't been sad. It's really weird. I've had an odd habit of crying at church (literally every Sunday of 2011), but I didn't do it this week. I haven't been getting depressed. Just furious. Sounds like a strange thing to be happy about but I am. Having to fight to keep one crazy emotion at bay is a full-time job, but two is even worse. So, if nothing else, I guess there's that silver lining. Was SUPPOSED to be having my first therapy session in something like three or four years on Monday but as those of you have me added on FaceBook already know... that was fruitless. Got there on time for a 4PM appointment. Sat around & filled out paperwork. Started wondering what was going on when four other patients joined me in the waiting room.... That was only suspect because there's a single doctor in this building. Uno. One. & now five patients? So after an hour of waiting around I walked up to the front, asked what the problem was (Mom did her best to be respectful. We understand doctors can't predict how long appointments will take), & she told me the doctor was running about two hours behind schedule. Um. Well. That would have been nice to know when I got here an hour ago........ Left there sullen & not-talking. Now they're trying to charge us a cancellation fee because they rescheduled for the same time as my 504 meeting? UGHHHH. How do you sit through four years of university, four years of medical school, & four years of residency just to act like that to your own patients...? The people relying on you? ESPECIALLY the mentally ill & ESPECIALLY a first time patient! I mean, if he was a podiatrist or something it would be different. But when you're a psychiatrist, specifically an adolescent one no less... How can you just basically abandon a patient you've never even met before? Not only does it feel like they were just assuming that I had nothing better to be doing with my time, but the doctor didn't even come & say anything. Like I should be willing to go into a 4PM appointment at 6PM with no warning. Um, excuse me? You don't know this since you never even saw me, but I've got self-harm problems. Extreme emotional lability & OCD. Thank God this was already at the angry-stage, but I just do NOT understand any of that...

Okay. Finally have time for a proper response. Denise ~ I'm SO SORRY I haven't responded to your FaceBook message. When it gets sent to my phone it automatically gets marked as "read" so I never see it when I get on the actual computer... Promise I will do that though. Thanks for being awesome. Vickie ~ That definitely means something! Knowing y'all are here helps a lot. Emily ~ You are an angel. & FaceBook did the same thing to your message that it did to Denise's. D: so you get an apology too. I completely & totally understand what you're saying. Being pissed off sounds like a weird thing to hope for, but it sounds awesome to me!!! Haha. FixIt ~ I do have people to reach out to, & I have. Don't worry about that. I know that girls are catty & stupid, haha. I think it'd be difficult to be in high school & not notice that everyone around you is a snarky ##### 24/7, haha. I also know that I'll come out strongest in the end, & I can't wait for my ten year high school reunion when I get to tell everyone "Hey. I'm a psychiatrist now," while they get to tell me about what it's like to still be working at the mall. Sometimes I see that silver lining & it's nice. Dabel ~ I have stuck to my treatment plan to the T! I honestly don't care about how b ad the herxing gets. It's just of no concern to me. It's time to knock this out. Pathfinder ~ William added me on FaceBook! Dunno if he told you. Thank you. DCMom ~ & when I get to have that wonderful life you bet I'll have ACN & all of my cybermoms to thank. Kbossman1 ~ I've been writing about being a sick kid for quite a while now. I hope to make a memoir one day, if it's interesting enough. Haha. I love writing. Sheila ~ Thank you for your PM & responses. Your concern is heartwarming. Eljomom ~ I promise that if I'm on the forum, I'm not in "imminent danger". I know that's hardly a reliable sounding promise, but it's true.

Hiya! I'm still lurking around. Just trying not to get on here so much in an attempt to not focus TOO much on treatment, if that makes sense. I have been doing alright! Definitely herxing, hahah. Added Omnicef last night & I felt pretty good today. I doubt it would make a difference that quickly but hey. A girl can hope. So far, treatment is going well!

I don't have time to respond to everyone but I just wanted to say that I'm doing better today. Not on-top-of-the-world better, but better nonetheless. I think just putting that all down made a huge difference. Thank you all. <333 Once I finish writing this all down tonight I'm going to edit it. As usual, I feel like I said a bit too much & I'm always worried of offending people. So just in case I'll probably be removing some of the darker parts.