I am getting tired. I feel more and more like a salmon loosing the battle to get upstream. The rushing constant river of Pandas has been pushing me further and further down. I have been trying to go against the tide for years now. Pandas is winning. We have tried everything everyone has suggested, antibiotics, ssri's, steroids, surgery, dietary supplements, nutritional changes, and a year of cbt. Now the final step after many failures and partial successes, is IVIG (per Dr. K. and Dr. B.). I got the letter from the BCBS appeals today refusing coverage again. I have not yet been able to speak to Dr. B.'s office (closed today). I just want to cry. At 17 years old (18 next month), we may need more than one dose with some suggestion of limited likelyhood of cure/remission. We repeated her pneumotiter titers and she only passed 4 of the 23 serotypes yet because she has only had chronic asthma, allergies, throat infections and respiratory infections, there is not enough efidence to cover IVIG. They were very clear that IVIG is not approved for PANDAS as there is no proof of effectiveness. So now, where to go. I have 2 kids struggling right now. My heart is broken. My spirit is spent. My fight is weak. I am tired.......Can I afford maybe as much at $30,000 for 2 rounds of IVIG for only one of my 2 struggling kids.....I don't have the answer right now.
I know I am not alone. There are so many of us in the same place. I am jealous for those families like Sammy's where it was as simple as antibiotics. Two years ago I was so hopeful. I am now loosing hope that I will ever have a normal family again, that my kids will feel good again and be able to live a normal young adult life. The stress on my 28 year marriage is hard. The burdon of being the only adult to hold the torch for these kids has become overwhelming.
Sorry for the downer words, but there was no more room for these feelings inside, I needed to let them out.
memom