i cant live with this anymore

[Zarathustra]

im opening my heart to you cause most of you suffer from this terrible condition

 

its been three years since i suffer from OCD

it all started with repetitive checking and hand washing cause im terribly scared of catching aids and in a couple of months my rituals had taken five or six hours of my life

i was in college but i couldnt leave my house cause i was afraid of any contact with anyone

i droped my studies and now i live with my parents

i barely leave my house and have lost all my friends and my girlfriend

my days are spent repetitive checking everything in my house for blood stains

my hands are mess and i have several wounds and burns from all the alchool i use to disinfect them

i also change my clothes very often and if someone touches my clothes i imediatly wash them

before i sit down on a chair i have to confirm that the chair doesnt have any blood stains

after i shake someones hand i spend the next five minutes checking for any blood traces on my hand and imediatly disinfect my hands

i spend a good part of my day disinfecting my room with alchool and my furniture is all ruined do to the amount of alchool i use

before i go to sleep i always check my bed sheets for blood stains which lasts at least one hour

ive been in a mental institution but i went insane and had to get back home cause i couldnt bear to be that exposed

 

i cant study and i cant have a job how im i suposed to live questionmark

 

im twenty three years old and my life is completly ruined

 

i want to know if theres someone with similar symptoms that defeated this terrible condition and i want to know how do i get my life back

 

lately ive been having some suicidal tendencies which is almost like a paradox since all these rituals are to prevent me from catching aids and deep inside all i want is to die

[Sheila]

Dear Zarathustra, I'm so sorry to read all that you have gone through and are still experiencing. Where do you live? Sheila

[Zarathustra]

unfortunatly i live in portugal a country that lacks good mental institutions

 

all i have to somehow help me bear with all my rituals is my medication which is zyprexa pazolam and seroxat

 

thanks for caring Sheila

[Mustang Carole]

HI,

I am so sorry that you are having your problems. At least you can recognize that you need help and are searching for answers.

For some self help try some other internet connections:

http://www.stuckinadoorway.co.uk/

 

Yaahoo Groups has OCD and Parenting Group that is very active,

 

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ocdan...yguid=148333625

 

Dr Chansky wrote, Helping Your Child woth OCD and she is on this list for answer any questions, and communicate . and other docs are there, too.

 

Hope this is a door for you to open and find some help.

 

God Bless,

Mustang Carole

[Guest someone]

Hi there,

 

I was wondering if what I suffer is considered OCD. Every morning, as a rule, I begin playing a song on a CD player, but then repeat the same song over and over again for 2-3 hours. This greatly affects my ability to leave the house. After listening to the music, the same song plays over and over again in my mind for most of the day. Although I find this most unsual, it doesn't necessarily cause much anxiety, since I often enjoy this song. While the repetitive loop is playing in my mind, I continuously snap my fingers....Once again, am I weird or do I have OCD???

[Guest Angel]

Hi Zarathustra,

 

Just like you, I also suffer from OCD. I also attempted committing suicide. I thought I could not bear it any longer.

 

You see, I lived a normal life four years ago. I was always on top my class, I graduated from the best university here in our country (I'm asian, by the way).

I was immediately hired by one of the biggest banks here. My career was going well since I get a promotion almost every year. I was outgoing, adventurous, cheerful and full of life. I married the man I love and hoped to start a family. The prospect of a good life was just right in front of me. I lost all of these except for my loving husband since my OCD started in 2002. Can you just imagine how devastated I was!

 

If you are afraid of getting AIDS, I am afraid of being contaminated by rats, especially dead ones. And the bank where I was working had rats. So I was forced to resign. I had two instances of seeing dead rats on the streets. I had panic attack and tried to commit suicide by jumping out of the car in the middle of a highway. Thank God, my mom caught my hand and saved me from death! I wash my hands almost twenty times a day. They are very dry now so I use a soap with moisturizer. I just confined myself inside my room where I watch tv, surf the net, sleep and eat. I am afraid that I will be contaminated once I get outside the house. I hate germs and rats! Whenever we go to the mall or church, I always check the streets if there are dead rats lying around. People are already looking at me when I check the streets or grounds. Even oil stains on the grounds freak me out because I thought they are dead rats. Sometimes I think I'm better off dead than being contaminated by germs and rats.

 

I have been seeing a psychiatrist (for my medication) and a psychologist (for my behavior therapy). I have been taking SSRI for three years now and I still don't have an improvement. I get so depressed because of this. I was losing hope.

 

Recently, my psychologist had acquired a machine for neurotherapy. Because we are in a country with a stigma with regards to mental health, she is the first one who has acquired this machine here. I already had two sessions and I am feeling a little bit better now. I am now looking forward to finishing my 40 sessions. Just like you, I want my life back! And I am positive, I will get my life back! I hope my story has helped you even in a little way. I am sure you will also get your life back. I am not guaranteeing you that neurotherapy is the answer, but who knows? It might help you the way it is helping me now. I wish you all the best! I will be praying for your recovery. God bless!