Extracurricular activities

[tantrums]

My DS6 just started Tball this year. He was diagnosed this past fall with PANDAS and we're doing just okay, not great. He has really good baseball skills so we figured we'd start Tball. The coach wanted to move him up right away but said no - he'd never been in an organized sport and is NOT a good loser. I wanted to make sure he got the basic concepts and sportsmanship down. That said - he is enjoying it very much and doing much better than expected.

 

My question is though how do you know when too much is too much? Can one sport be enough? My son is in after school care until after 5. So on Tball nights, he is picked up, changed quickly, food shoved down his throat and out the door. We don't get home until after 7. He still needs to do homework, which is AWFUL when it's done later, shower and his 2 hour bedime route. this leads for no other things he wants to do. And of course, he can't seem to get that concept - "why can't I ride my bike, color, play a game..." Because these activities are part ritual for him. I actually one time, wrote a note to the teacher that sorry - homework was just NOT happening that night! Late game and he was totally shut off when we attemped to do it.

 

He still needs swimming lessons and wants to try karate. I'm trying to hold off the swimming until Tball is over. I even under the best circumstances wouldn't want him in multiple sports/activities at once. Katate scares me bc I can't find a place that lets you just come once a week. I'm not looking to sign a contract for my 6 year old!!

 

Do you find they "get used" to the schedule eventually with sports/activities? Is it worth the upset when the event is over to continue? And if I even consider NOT signing him up for anything so he can complete rituals, am I just giving in to the rituals?

 

And a side note - I CANNOT find a psychologist to help us! I'm totally against a brick wall here. No availability, never heard of PANDAS, etc...

[7upMom]

We struggle with this with our non-Pandas boys - My 16 y/o has track until 5:30 then straight to baseball practice then homework, part-time job and church3 times a week. He has a very big social life also and chores at home. When is too much pushing it? well personally I think it depends on each child and what they can handle- I have a 17 y/o that can't handle a job,sports or she can't keep up with homework, so she is in church, and house chores. Then my 9 y/o Pandas guy- we absolutely 100% only do what he can handle- maybe thats enabling but I call it adjusting.

[dcmom]

We struggle with this as well- and really pared down any afterschool activities since pandas hit- even errands, dr appts etc.

 

I have also adjusted my expectations/priority around school.

 

We do minimal afterschool activities- maybe one thing at a time. But, for me, for my kids, those activities are just as important right now as school. They need to be able to have other interests in my opinion.

 

So for example- one does piano, one horseback riding. The older one, piano, she can handle her homework no problem. The younger one has a hard time being rushed- so if horseback riding (which is 1.5 hrs BTW) night is a tough one- we don't do homework that night, and make it up later in the week, if we can. We do swimming lessons during the summer. I try to do one playdate per week, on Fridays. I just try to be so careful about scheduling- and I do think it helps

[MomWithOCDSon]

My DS6 just started Tball this year. He was diagnosed this past fall with PANDAS and we're doing just okay, not great. He has really good baseball skills so we figured we'd start Tball. The coach wanted to move him up right away but said no - he'd never been in an organized sport and is NOT a good loser. I wanted to make sure he got the basic concepts and sportsmanship down. That said - he is enjoying it very much and doing much better than expected.

 

My question is though how do you know when too much is too much? Can one sport be enough? My son is in after school care until after 5. So on Tball nights, he is picked up, changed quickly, food shoved down his throat and out the door. We don't get home until after 7. He still needs to do homework, which is AWFUL when it's done later, shower and his 2 hour bedime route. this leads for no other things he wants to do. And of course, he can't seem to get that concept - "why can't I ride my bike, color, play a game..." Because these activities are part ritual for him. I actually one time, wrote a note to the teacher that sorry - homework was just NOT happening that night! Late game and he was totally shut off when we attemped to do it.

 

He still needs swimming lessons and wants to try karate. I'm trying to hold off the swimming until Tball is over. I even under the best circumstances wouldn't want him in multiple sports/activities at once. Katate scares me bc I can't find a place that lets you just come once a week. I'm not looking to sign a contract for my 6 year old!!

 

Do you find they "get used" to the schedule eventually with sports/activities? Is it worth the upset when the event is over to continue? And if I even consider NOT signing him up for anything so he can complete rituals, am I just giving in to the rituals?

 

And a side note - I CANNOT find a psychologist to help us! I'm totally against a brick wall here. No availability, never heard of PANDAS, etc...

That's a tough one because it seems as though your DS really WANTS to do all these things . . . he just can't handle everything if he tries, and it seems as though homework/academics (probably because they're harder for him) wind up getting the short end of the stick.

 

We face this with our DS13, even though he's not the athlete your boy appears to be. But just fitting in all the academics and homework, plus some sort of physical activity (our DS is a swimmer) for exercise, doctors' and therapy appointments, and some truly necessary "down time" so that the stress doesn't turn into volcanic proportions . . . . that's a very tall order!

 

I marvel at some of DS's classmates who, in addition to school, are in every club imaginable, every sport offered, plus other extracirriculars like music/band/orchestra, martial arts, etc.! I do not know how these over-scheduled kids do it, but some of them really seem to thrive on it! Not my kid! If he doesn't get his sleep and his downtime, it is literally heck to pay!

 

I'm thinking maybe your DS is too young to be expected to prioritize appropriately, so there's nothing left but for you to do it for him. And maybe, just like any other kid, PANDAS or not, he's going to have to get used to the idea that he can do everything he wants, but he can't do them all at the same time! Sacrificing homework now and again because he has a late game or whatever seems like a fair call, but he needs to know it can't happen all the time, and there may be nothing but for putting it plainly on the table that if he wants to play sports while he's in school, etc., there just may not be time to play a game or ride his bike, certainly not every day. Because school, and everything that comes with school (like homework) is a priority.

 

I know what you mean about karate, too; we explored that because I thought the whole mental side of martial arts would be really appealing to DS. But it seems most of the studios are pretty serious places, and kids are in there 2 to 3 times each week. Plus, in our case, DS cannot tolerate feeling as though he is at all "behind the curve" when it comes to learning something new, so he would've had to be practicing even more than that to stay at the top of the class, and that was a non-starter for us!

 

Finally, as for a psychologist that understands or knows about PANDAS, I'm not sure that's a necessity. A psychologist isn't going to prescribe medications or anything, anyway; he's just helping you with the behaviors and the feelings that dealing with PANDAS are generating. So I wouldn't get too hung up on finding anyone who "buys into" the PANDAS scope of medical treatment, but focus more on finding someone who 1) is well-versed in your DS's primary behavior type (OCD, ADHD, etc.) and 2) has a good rapport with your DS, since trust and a desire to work toward goals the therapist sets are key, especially for younger kids.

[Stephanie2]

We tried Tball with my 5 yo this year and it just wasn't happening b/c he was still in exacerbation at the time. My son has had pandas for 4 years so I am at the point that I just don't have the energy for anything that is going to create a headache in our lives. So for now he is involved in no sports. However, now that he is doing better I am considering doing swimming over the summer.

 

Personally, I wouldn't do it if my son were still doing rituals. But you have to decide that based on what is on your plate and how much you (and he) can handle...

 

Good luck and I hope you can find a psych!

Stephanie

 

My DS6 just started Tball this year. He was diagnosed this past fall with PANDAS and we're doing just okay, not great. He has really good baseball skills so we figured we'd start Tball. The coach wanted to move him up right away but said no - he'd never been in an organized sport and is NOT a good loser. I wanted to make sure he got the basic concepts and sportsmanship down. That said - he is enjoying it very much and doing much better than expected.

 

My question is though how do you know when too much is too much? Can one sport be enough? My son is in after school care until after 5. So on Tball nights, he is picked up, changed quickly, food shoved down his throat and out the door. We don't get home until after 7. He still needs to do homework, which is AWFUL when it's done later, shower and his 2 hour bedime route. this leads for no other things he wants to do. And of course, he can't seem to get that concept - "why can't I ride my bike, color, play a game..." Because these activities are part ritual for him. I actually one time, wrote a note to the teacher that sorry - homework was just NOT happening that night! Late game and he was totally shut off when we attemped to do it.

 

He still needs swimming lessons and wants to try karate. I'm trying to hold off the swimming until Tball is over. I even under the best circumstances wouldn't want him in multiple sports/activities at once. Katate scares me bc I can't find a place that lets you just come once a week. I'm not looking to sign a contract for my 6 year old!!

 

Do you find they "get used" to the schedule eventually with sports/activities? Is it worth the upset when the event is over to continue? And if I even consider NOT signing him up for anything so he can complete rituals, am I just giving in to the rituals?

 

And a side note - I CANNOT find a psychologist to help us! I'm totally against a brick wall here. No availability, never heard of PANDAS, etc...

[matis_mom]

I think it's a judgement call but just my two cents: it's always better to err on the side of caution. I think one sport is more than enough. I believe stress is not good for the child or the parents. And, I would stay away from indoor sports (just another chance to catch something).

This is just from my personal experience. Our PANDAS ds12 has kept up with his soccer (had a rough time with concentration during certain periods, couldn't really keep his mind on the game, plus he was tired and his joints hurt), but I pulled him out of wrestling... way too much contact, all cooped up in the gym... NO THANKS!

He has been asking to do wrestling again, I'll have to think long and hard about it.

 

Isabel

[T_Mom]

We have chosen to "down size" the activities-- certainly when my d was at her worst she could not do anything--as she got better, we were very cautious so she would not be overloaded.

 

She no longer takes piano or swimming, nor does she watch tv or computer games during the week (well almost never -- we found these to be, in the end, counter-productive to real rest.

 

She did one sport in the fall and one in the spring (took the winter season off) --

youth group at church --

and horseback riding once every two weeks. Enough.

 

We try to eat dinner together essentially every night--and read before bed. A full day.