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MartinStoryKapusta

Stimulation vs. Relaxation

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Hi all,

Name is Martin, 28 years old and currently seeing a neurological naturopath & recieving some therapy (fingers crossed).

In the meantime, I’m finding a challenge with something. Things have gotten progressively more difficult over the last several years, lots of stresses too like moving back home, ending a relationship, etc. However for the longest time during my experience of these TS symptoms, I have had this battle within between two polar opposites within me.

On one hand there is this little-boy like energy that wants to play and express and stimulate with things like electronics and socializing and travel (all which aggravate my symptomns). They bring my joy. Then on the other hand I feel like my nervous system is crazily over-stimulated and needs rest and soothing, and so the old man in me thinks it best to relax and meditate and breathe and calm the nerves. What I find is I’ll usually have these bursts of expression where I get so tired of just isolating myself and relaxing and sitting with the uncomfortable sensations, and then afterwards my nerves feel worse for it because unfortunately it seems like a lot of what brings me joy aggravates me now. And so back and forth I isolate. 

Ive been struggling for so long about if I should just throw it all to the wind and enjoy myself no matter the pain/discomfort (is that even possible?) and just live, or be more cautious and relax and soothe my over stimulated system because that is what it may need. Obviously one way cannot be right every time, but not sure what is the road to healing here. Frustration builds when I don’t get to do all that I wish to, but then discomfort seems to grow when I let myself go too loose (like use screens or socialize). What a predicament!

I’m a firm believer in the powers of the mind and think that these kind of attitudes can really shift things and open up the body for healing and change. Sometimes it feels like the controlling part of me that wants to calm and soothe and ‘get rid of it’ is the problem and part of the OCD-like behaviour that strengthens the condition. Other times it seems so obvious that my body just needs the relaxation. Or perhaps it is all just a paradox and there is no right way, only what seems to be needed in the moment and doing the best I can...

Has anyone had any similar experiences? I feel like I’m in my own little world around this but surely I can’t be.

Many thanks and looking forward to your responses.

Oh yes to clarify this is a pretty adult experience.

Martin

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