Holiday Diet Struggles & Family

[Guest]

Hi Everyone,

 

I'm in need of some suggestions. My diet is back on track from when I was having all those food cravings. I've worked hard to make sure I have alternative food options for the holidays. I've made my own pie, brownies, and bread to take for Thanksgiving Dinner. I really want to get through the holidays without a bunch of cheating on food items.

 

My dad is being very accepting and is having turkey, potatoes, his own pie & ice cream, and my own pie and brownies. If I get my chocolate in, I'll make some chocolate chip cookies. He doesn't badger me on what I eat or my weight.

 

I am also eating with my mom and just spending a couple hours with her because that's all I can handle with her considering our history. My mom knows I'm avoiding certain foods and we had talked about it before. However, she always seems to refuse to accept it. I've wrote her a letter telling her that even though she may not eat the way I do, I expect her to respect my ways of eating. She said she was planning on fixing chicken casserole, green beans, and rolls. I told her, "mom, you know I can't have the chicken casserole." We ended up settling with her leaving some chicken out for me. I said, "I can't have the green beans. Can you fix broccoli instead of or in addition to the green beans?" She said, "the broccoli had cheese in it." I asked her, "why does it have to have cheese in it?" She said, "because that's how I buy it in the package." I think I'll probably bring my own broccoli in this case too. I'm bringing my own rolls because that's asking a lot of her to make me rolls, but I didn't think the choice of veggie would be an issue.

 

My mom will badger me the whole time. She'll badger me because of my weight, what I eat, etc. I truly am not looking forward to visiting her, but I never do anyways. She brings about so much stress in my life. I'm already stressing about it as you can tell.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can tell my mother when she badgers me? She's someone that's going to think the carpet's brown even though it's really blue. She's never going to agree with you. However, her comments have great affect on me even if I know they're not true. I'm not trying to talk bad about my mom, but instead just including the details because I really need suggestions on how to respond when she starts this with me. I really want to accomplish my goal stated above without her interfering.

 

Thanks,

Carolyn

[Claire]

Hi Carolyn,

 

I am glad that your diet is more under control...good luck with that! Remember to try the hot cocoa recipe if the chocolate doesn't come in time. I bet it would go very well with your rice milk.

 

Parents always affect us, even when we know that we are 'right'. We can be so sensitive to getting their approval...I am the same way. You would think that she would notice the improvement in tics.

 

Perhaps have your own foods as much as possible (as you are doing) and trying to change the topic when her criticism of your food choices and weight come up. Also complimenting her on whatever she DID do to accommodate you. 'That was so nice of you, I really appreciate it.'

 

By the way, it really is nice to see your picture. I like Kim's china doll comment, that fits you well! You are so young, too!

 

 

Claire

[Guest]

Hi Claire,

 

Thanks for the suggestions. I'll try that. The irritating thing is that she does notice the difference in tics. She's even told me. However, she's never supported me in any of this. Then again all she seems to care about is medication.

 

Yep, I finally was able to get my picture on here. Yes, I look a lot younger than I really am. I'm 21, and I always get told that I look like I'm 14-16. I guess looking young will be nice when I get old.

 

Carolyn

[patty]

Caroyn,

 

I understand your frustration about lack of family support in your diet. I am in a similiar situation with my mom, but is not about diet. I have come to learn that if my mom can't be supportive in what I am doing, i don't discuss it with her to avoid disagreement. I have also distancing myself with her. Not to say that you do the same thing. This is what works for me. Life is stressful enough, i don't want my mom to create more stress for me.

 

I am also frustrated with the lack of support from my in-laws regarding my son's diet. They continue to make food that he can't eat. I dread Thanksgiving dinner at my in-law's house, because everything is full of wheat, dairy, food coloring and perservatives. I am not sure if i am making a big deal out of this, but i almost want to cancel dinner. At our last get together, i bought desert for my son but there were so many cakes & pies, i ended up giving my son some because he wanted it so bad. How can i say no when everyone around him is eating it?!

 

Sorry Carolyn, i don't mean to rabble on but what you are saying is hitting a sore spot with me.

 

BTW, i like your picture. It is nice to put a face to a name. I am glad that you are back on track with your diet. Keep up the good work.

 

Patty

[Guest]

Hi Patty,

 

Yes, I set boundaries with her. I struggle with setting boundaries, but my acupuncturist has worked with me a lot on learning to do this. I didn't go back home at all last year for the holidays. However, this year I'm really homesick as I haven't been back since the 4th of July. I miss my highschool friends a lot and look forward to hanging out with them. That's where my mind will be focused because my dad's not even staying as he's leaving to spend the time with his girlfriend. I don't stay with my mom, just as I didn't live with her. I've certainlly thought about changing my contact info and not giving it to my mom because she creates so much stress for me. However, for the safety and well being of my younger sibling I won't do that to my mom until she is on her own.

 

I don't think your making a big deal out of it. It's one thing to avoid food when no one else is eating it, but it's really hard when everyone around you is eating it. I hope your Thanksgiving goes well for you and your family. Let me know how it goes. Thanks about my picture.

 

Carolyn

[Guest]

I just wanted to share my experience with this Thanksgiving. I had a great Thanksgiving with my friends and one of my siblings. I never experinced much peer pressure in highschool, but am starting to see it now during college. I was asked to drink two nights, but turned that down. I'm far from my diet, but will work on getting back on track tomorrow after I get back. My family made fun of me and gave me crap the whole time I was back about my special diet. When I stay in a house that is full of Tony's pizzas, ice cream, ice cream sandwich bars, chips, chocolate chip cookies, etc. none of the food I brought along looks a bit good. I also wanted to go out to eat with my friends. So I'm far from my diet, but will try to get back on track quickly.

 

Most of you know that a lot of my allergies are immediate and not delayed sensitivities. I had an ice cream sandwich bar as the first cheat food item while here. Shortly after I ate the ice cream sandwich bar I got one of my tics or maybe ocd combo. I'm not for sure how to explain it. Anyways this one is where I will say okay to my younger sister when she says something to me and she'll have to repeat the word "okay" until it sounds right. This is always with my younger sister and never anyone else. It's really annoying, but we became pretty skilled and can hide it in front of others because a couple years ago it was really bad. My sister is also very understanding. Anyways, the first thing my sister said to me was, "Carolyn, you shouldn't have eaten that ice cream sandwich bar!" I came here pretty much tic free, but with so much off food I notice a difference. It's also very dusty here because things rarely get cleaned anymore. Dust is a big tic trigger for me.

 

Chemar-if you read this, do you think what I describe above is a tic, tic/ocd combo, ocd?

 

Carolyn

[Giselle]

Hi Carolyn, until about 6 years ago being around my parents reduced me to at best a 12 year old. I'm 42. It took a long time for me to stop struggling for their approval, understanding and acceptance. I really don't know what changed other than all of a sudden it really didn't matter what they thought of me - it just happened. The last time I saw them I totally saw them as real people and not my high and mighty parents - it was weird and a little sad because they are getting old and their foibles are so transparent and I can't believe that some of the stuff they were saying would have had such an effect on me - what they say kinda makes me chuckle now. I think that part of the reason your Mom fights your remedies is because she feels guilty. Guilty that perhaps she didn't do all she could for you. Or she feels defensive because she thinks that you think that she didn't do all she could for you. Your finding these remedies/allergies/metals, and them helping, points a finger at her that she didn't do all she could, hence her insistance on what she thought worked - the meds. Perhaps you can asuage her guilt by explaining that you are so glad that there is so much more out there now than when she was first looking for solutions - that you know she did the best she could given what most doctors knew about TS. Because deep down she did do the best she could do - she didn't go out of her way to try to find the least likely thing to help - she thought she was doing what was right because that's what the doctors thought (and unfortunately still do). And believe it or not it isn't until relatively recently people even questioned doctors - they saw them as highly educated and Godlike. Well actually you have encountered the vestiges of that era - that psychiatrist who gets his back up with all your questions - no one questioned him and he doesn't like loosing his diety status - the dinosaurs are still around, the newer docs are much better with this type of thing.

 

I had a similar situation with my mother-in-law who fought tooth and nail about me breast feeding my son for so long (thank God I did, I can't imagine where he'd be allergy wise had I not!). It turns out the doctors told her she didn't have enough milk to feed her baby and to stop (there are certain periods of time when all the baby does is suckle and doesn't stop, like they aren't getting enough milk when in fact the demand - the suckling- increases the milk flow, but you have to go through that period of time, usually a few days at each juncture). But they know that now, they didn't then. At first I totally had my back up - gosh she made me so MAD!!! But I used this tactic about her failure - explaining that she'd only done what the doctors told her, that they didn't know and now they do. It totally diffused the situation and she layed off (at least about that! HA) and started to tell me of how she wished she could have nursed them and that she envied me the closeness. It was an amazing trasformation - I guess she thought I was judging HER for NOT nursing.

 

Anyway, stick to your guns (I know you will) and think of all of us who KNOW you are right. When you walk into a room with her know we are all standing beside you! Good luck!

 

Giselle

[Guest]

Thanks Giselle for sharing your experience with me and for your kind encouraging words. I'll remember all of you when I'm with her. I hope my family one day will lay off on the issue about the way I eat. During Thanksgiving that seemed to be a couple of my siblings dinner highlight (to make fun of what I ate, my rolls looked weird because they didn't look like store bought ones, my pie would automatically be gross because it didn't contain cane sugar, etc.) Holiday dinners make me so nervous because of this. When I was a child, it was always you need to stop being so picky and eat this. Now it's just the opposite, what I eat is gross to them. I hope one day they'll become used to the way I eat and won't bother me about it anymore.

 

Carolyn