OCD and my husband

[oceangazer1]

Hi Everyone!

 

I'm glad I found this forum, because I need advise badly. I've been married to my husband for almost 10 yrs and for the first 4 yrs or so he didn't seem to have emotional problems. For the last several yrs, although granted we have had a lot of stresses in our marriage, like most others, he has become too unstable to live with. Now before you get down on me, please understand that I Know how emotional problems can effect someone, as I have depression, anxiety and panic.

 

That said, lately he has become so obessed with an actress and is doing anything he can to meet her, writes to her, gave her his cell phone #....ect....This hurts me even though I know this will never happen for him. He goes from one actress to another, But this time is really bad. It's all he talks about and I mean all. He can't concentrate on work, home, our marriage or even going to my parents for Easter dinner. He says he's not living in reality right now and he WILL meet her. He is on several meds for many problems, but I'm going to call his Dr tomorrow and see if he can help. My husband will not go to therapy on a weekly basis, just gets meds from a dr every 6 weeks. I don't think this is right and I told the dr this several weeks ago.

 

I feel so badly for him, but I'm living on a thread, literally. He is very emotionally abusive to me. I can't leave because I don't have anywhere to go, but even if I did, I don't know how to leave someone this sick. I wait on him hand and foot and if I don't, he lays a huge guilt trip on me and makes life so much harder. I'm asking anyone here for advise. Please help me to stick this out. Is there any hope for us? It's been like this for yrs.

 

Edited to add that I feel that someday I will be in danger, maybe I am already. As a rule he doesn't get angry alot, but when he does he looks at me like he is crazy and it really scares me. He sleeps from early morning into the afternoon and during the work week he goes to sleep from about 5 am until 8:30, goes to work, comes home for lunch, sleeps, comes home for dinner, sleeps and then maybe goes out at night between 10 and 11 for a coffee. He never sleeps with me, always in the familyroom which he calls his bedroom. He always asks me what I am doing even though I am right in front of him...he wants to know what I am doing on the computer, in the kitchen, bedroom, ect. I work parttime in a high school and now he is constantly telling me the custodians want me, as my ex is a custodian, but does not work in my school. He is completely convinced my exc wants me back. My ex just went through another divorce and he kkeps saying I'm going back to live with him that's why he got divorced. I have No intention of that and never implied it! He hates my two kids, yet tried to tolerate them. They are 23 and 16. 16 yr old is with us and is a very good son. He is afraid of my husabnd, hardly says boo to him, stays in his room most of the time. I feel so bad. I don't know what to do. I don't have money for therapy as he has total control of it. So sorry to vent, I'm just scared. Oh and also, he and I belonged to a gym a few yrs ago. He named the guys that worked out in the gym "frogs". I guess because they were so big on top, and they looked like frogs to him. Anyway, every since then, that has been my name, "frog". That is all he calls me. I always hated it, but he says it's a term of endearment? I don't get it. I'm so upset all the time, please help me.

[galen]

You want a good advice? RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, and I mean, your life, before you get sick because of this crazy bastard. Don't sacrifice yourself for his sake. Don't make the same mistake my mother did. She couldn't leave me with my OCD (a beloved, only child), and now she's dead from the cancer she got at that time. Mind you, for me it started just the same - obsession with a soap opera and its actors. Those crazy, sick XXXX like your husband and I, who are afraid of reality and hide in fantasies like cowards, live to a 100, while their most loving, amazing people die. I'm a waste anyway, but my mother could have lighted up the world for another 50 yrs.

 

Moreover, he seems to have a MUCH BIGGER ISSUE than I did. If, for me, those were childish fantasies, he sounds like he might have schizophrenia or something of that kind, which requires his hospitalization for his own safety, not mentioning you and your kids. The best way for you to get rid of him without pangs of remorse afterwards - lock him away in an institution - he'll be fully waited on hand and foot there, and finally get into that wonderful, cozy coccoon he's striving towards. Maybe then you'd have a final chance for a good life.

 

P.S. Please tell me if you get cancer someday - it will finally settle my doubts "did I or didn't I" drive my mom to her grave, and serve as a lesson to other poor families, who never know what they might have done to deserve that grief. (Sorry, I need to vent too - it's only been a month since I lost my mother, I'm very young and taking it really hard)

[oceangazer1]

You want a good advice? RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, and I mean, your life, before you get sick because of this crazy bastard. Don't sacrifice yourself for his sake. Don't make the same mistake my mother did. She couldn't leave me with my OCD (a beloved, only child), and now she's dead from the cancer she got at that time. Mind you, for me it started just the same - obsession with a soap opera and its actors. Those crazy, sick xxxxx like your husband and I, who are afraid of reality and hide in fantasies like cowards, live to a 100, while their most loving, amazing people die. I'm a waste anyway, but my mother could have lighted up the world for another 50 yrs.

 

Moreover, he seems to have a MUCH BIGGER ISSUE than I did. If, for me, those were childish fantasies, he sounds like he might have schizophrenia or something of that kind, which requires his hospitalization for his own safety, not mentioning you and your kids. The best way for you to get rid of him without pangs of remorse afterwards - lock him away in an institution - he'll be fully waited on hand and foot there, and finally get into that wonderful, cozy coccoon he's striving towards. Maybe then you'd have a final chance for a good life.

 

P.S. Please tell me if you get cancer someday - it will finally settle my doubts "did I or didn't I" drive my mom to her grave, and serve as a lesson to other poor families, who never know what they might have done to deserve that grief. (Sorry, I need to vent too - it's only been a month since I lost my mother, I'm very young and taking it really hard)

 

 

Hi,

 

I don't believe for a minute that your OCD killed your Mom. People get sick and it was just her time. Some of us are mean't to live a long time and some of us aren't. That is just the way it is. I am so very sorry you feel like you killed her. It was just bad timing. My husband will be 50 in Sept. His Mom died when he was 2 months old. He never knew her. He is convinced his birth killed her. I don't think so. She was only in her twenties, but it was her time.

 

I won't get cancer because of this, hun. If God forbid I did get it someday it is because that is what is mean't to be. Let's hope not okay. lol. But it wouldn't be because of this. I have been through so much in my life and have survived okay. I was just hoping there was some advise to help me cope, but this forum is quite slow. I'm going to call a women's help center today and see if they can help me. I have to do something. But I just can't up and leave as I have a life here too.

 

I look at him and just hate him. I feel like our entire marriage was a lie and most likely it's looking that way to me now. So far he has purchased every dvd he can find on this actress. Watches her movies every night and is spending more money on direct tv to watch a soap opera she used to be on...it continues to worsen. I do wish I could leave. I'm very tired of all of this crap, but he says he's doing nothing wrong yet continues to try and sneak all of this stuff, so he knows it's wrong. Anyway, write anytime. I don't have alot of computer access and I go back to work tomorrow from spring break. I hope you post again and feel better soon.

[Chemar]

Hi oceangazer

 

if you feel that you are your children may be in danger I would strongly recommend that you should talk to your husband's doctor and see if he can arrange possibly having intervention to help your husband, and protect you and the kids. In addition to your husband's diagnosed condition, it is important to note that sometimes a "cocktail" of medications can interact in a way as to bring out even more severe psychosis etc

 

Do you have someone you can go to for help...a family member, pastor,social worker etc.

Where your husband's situation is alarming, yet he is SICK and clearly needs more help than he is receiving. However, if his illness is endangering you or your children, you need to make this known to someone who can actively intervene.

 

I hope you will do this, for your sake, for your children and also for your husband