Advice?

[Sydsmom]

I have been having some issues with my daughter's Girl Scout leader. Sydnie always forgets things at her meetings and leaves them behind. Sydnie actually forgets everything - she has lost 5 sweatshirts/jackets since Aug. Thankfully we live in So. Ca so it's not too cold and I'm not buying anymore. (she has 1 left)

 

Anyway, yesterday the leader called and told Sydnie she left a poster at the meeting and she is sick and tired of picking up after her. She said she has to be more responsible and remember her things. I agree with the last statement but was unhappy with her approach and tone with Syd. So, I emailed her asking her to please have some consideration with my daughter - she does have a diagnosis from 2 doctors etc... She basically replied and said I have to just treat her normal and not "use" her disability and let Sydnie pout and get her own way. I mentioned she suffered from depression (it IS much better than it used to be but still here along with high anxiety). She said Sydnie has a choice and needs to choose to see the glass half full not half empty. How do you guys handle people who just don't understand and don't even want to understand? I questioned myself all day and have been going back and forth. I know I'm not crazy, I know my daughter just doesn't hit the mark on certain things and no matter what we do - rewards or restrictions - it just doesn't affect her. So how do you handle the outside people? Thanks so much - I know this lady won't be the last so I'd like some advice on how to handle the next one cause I know she/he is around the corner.

 

Lisa

[Chemar]

Hi Lisa

 

I really feel for you as I have encountered those types of people too ( I guess we probably all do from time to time)

 

This lady is a girl scout leader, and as such she has no qualifications to make medical or psychiatric or psychological evaluations on your daughter. It is all very well for her to sermonate at you....but frankly, she clearly doesnt have a clue!

 

Yes, we do walk a fine line between making allowences for our children because of their specific diagnoses and symptoms, and making excuses for them. I agree that part of our duty as parents is to empower our kids, and to teach them responsibility etc etc etc........BUT.......when a behaviour or characteristic or limitation is as a direct result of the diagnosed disorder, then I become a real mommy lioness when a teacher or anyone tries to impose or enforce that which my son struggles with.

 

I did girl guides under the British system so am not familiar with the set up here, but I believe it to be similar where this lady would be accountable to someone within the organization. I would try to politely educate her about the diagnosis and if tshe remains unyielding, I would get as much documentation as possible as back up and take it to her supervisor.

 

Our kids have quite enough to deal with in life, without having insensitive adults making it harder for them!

 

(((hugs))) to you and Sydnie

[mmazz]

I agree with Cheri, but I will go the extra mile and say that to push a child so that they do not remain the typical "in the box" person is a great thing if done correctly. My husband is an out of the box thinker and has enpowered my sons to excel in areas this mother hen would never have let them. But along with this enpowerment came self-esteem, self-respect and a want and love for what they do and not a struggle and a have to mentality because outside forces want them to act or do a way that others do.

Maturity and helpful tools to use as a focus to remember will be what your child will develope if given the love and guidance from you. Not this "leader" choke choke. I would repectfully write her a letter thanking her for her views and that you will take it into consideration. However, before doing so you would like her list of references i.e., education, seminars or otherwise, before you take her advise and copy her pack leader. I am sure that a nicely structured letter would raise eyebrows and she will then be disciplined by her superiors. Always remember that you are a good mother and a great role model. Organizational skills are a learned behavior that becomes stregthened through maturity. She will do fine but the less pressure on her the better.

 

Be Well;

 

Marie

[Sydsmom]

Chemar and Marie,

 

Thank you so much for your replies. It's the next day and of course I feel better - "His mercies are new every morning."

 

I really appreciate the advice you gave to me. I told my husband last night how much I value this message board. Thanks to all who post what works, what doesn't etc....I don't post often but I'm always "peeking" and gleaning info.

 

Lisa