Friends don't matter

[Wilma Jenks]

Kids keep pushing my child away, and have no interest in her, because she is slow, or too aggressive. It never seems to make her sad. She just keeps going back. Is anyones child like this?

[thereishope]

Yes. My son was called a loser, yet it didn't phase him and still wanted to play with the boy that said that. But,boy, did it make me mad!

[Wilma Jenks]

It has happened so many times here, that at times I think I am just numb. After ten long years of watching her make/lose friends has been so depressing.

[thereishope]

Yep. My son has his fair share of insults along the way. He also has a speech disorder which was very severe until about 6 years old (unintelligible to strangers). So, I have heard numerous time kids say they don't understand him, ask if he's speaking Spanish, just walk away since they didn't understand him or repeat it back in the exactly, incorrect way he spoke. Kids can be cruel. I've bit my tongue many a times. In those instances, luckily I don't think my son ever realized what those kids actually meant nor did it ever hurt his feelings. He really is one of the strongest people I know.

[Wilma Jenks]

I know whatcha mean. Thank God he does not realize what their doing.

[Phasmid]

Perhaps the saddest impact of this dumb disorder. If it made the child shy, or quiet, or something else easier for others to handle it wouldn't be as bad. My son's friends couldn't take that he could never stop talking, could never stop moving, was aggressive, impulsive, and lastly, had coprolalia! He made and lost friends faster than I could keep track. I would just try to keep modelling good behavior for your child, and reinforcing the times he shows "likeable" characteristics and behavior. I also found that I had to supervise every minute of his play dates so that I could read his body language and intervene when necessary. At school I couldn't do that, of course, so he just ended up getting in trouble when he was having exacerbations, and had just one or two friends who COULD tolerate him!

[Megs_Mom]

Kids keep pushing my child away, and have no interest in her, because she is slow, or too aggressive. It never seems to make her sad. She just keeps going back. Is anyones child like this?

Hi Wilma - we did have many challenges with friendships during an exacerbation. We are fortunate, and do have a sudden onset situation, so I can't really speak to a child with continuing challenges. I do believe that this illness can make a child seem like they have a variety of diagnosis, even as extreme as bi-polar, autism or aspergers. And that medical treatment for PANDAS can help those children quite dramatically. However, if they have had challenges for a long time, then I also like to give them tools to relearn better ways to interact. Our daughter did a lot of sensory integration and OT therapy along the way.

 

I wonder if your daughter would benefit from some therapies such as OT - maybe some of the same tools that a child with Aspergers might learn. If she heals completely, you may not need these tools later, but they might help a lot along the way. I would be concerned that she is not only having challenges with other children, but that she also does not seem to be effected by this, and goes back. That can certainly be a strength, but it can also cause her some issues. You do see this with a child with Aspergers sometimes. I don't mean to suggest another diagnosis (and I am just a mom!), I just like to brainstorm on what tools a child may need to learn to interact appropriately in her world.

 

I found our local autism society to be a very good resource when I was looking for help during exacerbations. (Our daughter is PITAND, now 9 years old).

[EmersonAilidh]

Fifteen with practically no friends. Even in the first ten years of P.A.N.D.A.S./four years of Lyme, I kept my social life up to the best of my ability. It took a nosedive with the Narcoleptic symptoms, as I'm sure I've whined about before. No one wants to hang out with a girl who has to nap three times a day. Or who talks about Cure Unknown & doctor's appointments like other girls talk about Twilight & Gossip Girl.

 

The one thing I can recommend is that if someone makes your kiddo anxious, although forcing himself to hang out with them might seem like "progress" or an "accomplishment", I've come to realize that if I'm not comfortable around someone, hanging out with them will really make me feel nothing but bad. Even if I am proud of myself for getting out of the house. Which is not to say that holing up in your room (or, the "AilidhCave" as my stepdad calls it) is beneficial, because it certainly isn't. I'm just saying that going out (or just to someone else's house or something, since your son is younger) can sometimes do more harm than good. I talk myself into hanging out with a friend that doesn't take my needs into consideration, I need to nap/have a twitch/won't touch a doorhandle or some OCD thing, I feel stupid, then I go home feeling worse than before. This might not be the case with your kid, but I just had to throw my little tidbit out there just in case his anxiety or other symptoms are playing a factor in his lack of friends.

 

Depending on his age, it's also a comfort to know that it would be untrue to say that kids get kinder as a whole as they get into high school, the ones that DO mature & get kinder start to stand out more. Sixth grade was the worst year for me, when my tics were the