DS doesn't want to go to school

[cobbiemommy]

DS, 11, doesn't want to go to school. He wants to stay home and be close to Mom, watch tv, and play with his toys. He begs me every day to let him stay home or at least pick him up early. He keeps saying that school is torture and they are just trying to stuff knowledge down his brain. DH says he needs to go to school and that he is just trying to get his way. We both recognize that son is very sick, but want to keep him in school. For those of you not familiar with our case, DS has lyme, bartonella, rocky mountain spotted fever, babesia, mycoplasma and positive for Epstein Barr. He is on second week of meds targeting the rmsf.

 

My question is this: What would you do? I feel torn between husband and son, common sense and this crazy disease called Lyme. We have IEP in place that he can miss school.

 

Thanks,

Cobbie

[NancyD]

This is a tough one, Cobbie. Since my DD14 loves going to school I know something is really wrong when she doesn't want to go. A couple of weeks ago she was having a lot of diarrhea from the Tindamax and was just not feeling very well. But, at the same time, her anxiety was really high and I didn't want her to start calling the shots. It was difficult to tell which issue was driving her desire to stay home. But my general rule of thumb is if she is not well she can stay home BUT that means she must also stay home from any after-school activities, like horseback riding. I let her stay home from school one day a couple of weeks ago but during the day I realized it was more her anxiety/OCD driving her wanting to stay home so I made her go to school the next day.

 

'Course, this wouldn't work if she didn't have an after-school activity that she really wanted to do. But I would probably give her lots of chores to do while she is home so the desire to stay home and be on her computer all day and watch TV would be much less!

 

Perhaps your son is feeling really overwhelmed at school right now. Are there any modifications that can be made during times like this? Place fewer demands on him? Shorten his day a bit? Can you try to find out what specifically is bothering him at school?

 

I have much greater appreciation and sympathy for our kids now that I too have LD and am on medication for it. It really wipes me out and I now have a much lower tolerance for things that never bothered me before.

 

Nancy

[smartyjones]

We both recognize that son is very sick, but want to keep him in school. Cobbie

 

 

yes - that is a conundrum! the more you allow him out, the more that builds and makes it troublesome to get back yet, he is also sick and school is troublesome.

 

my ds, now 6, presented with severe school phobia at age 4.5. it was troublesome the rest of that year and some of the following. of course, he is younger than your son, so academically things are different but many of the emotional/social issues for him and for you are similar.

 

the most successful for us was when we made deals and plans -- kind of along the lines of ERP or phobia therapy. one day, we had a drs appt in the am, he refused school b/c it was different from normal. that day, we drove through the parking lot with the plan that the next time we were late, we'd walk into school but not stay, the next, he'd stay. of course, i never scheduled another am appt. for ERP, it probably would have been best to, but school was such a hotspot, i let it go.

both of us felt good that we had a plan in place and weren't wildly having to cave to anxiety and refusal, rather than me being frustrated and him being upset and digging heels in stronger.

 

but for us, the plans were very helpful. if he was involved in designing the plan, he'd usually abide by it.

 

i think it sounds like you are going to have to take a step back from insisting on full-day normal school. can you discuss with him what he is willing to do? then perhaps, that's day one. the next day is one step beyond and then continue with a baby-step each day.

 

anxietybc.com has some good worksheets to design these types of plans.

Edited November 29, 2010 by smartyjones

[KeithandElizabeth]

Hi Cobbie:

 

After his first successful week back at public chool, my son developed a new mycoplasma infection and we definitely saw some regression! Getting him into the classroom was a nightmare this morning and all of my memories from 2 years ago came flooding back because this was one of our first PANDAS symptoms

 

It is all just heartbreaking. Anyway, he was supposed to go full time this week and I am just going to send him back part-time until after Christmas.

 

So, I think part-time is a nice compromise for these sick little kids.

 

Elizabeth

[philamom]

Cobbie-

This is a tough one. When my dd doesn't want to attend school, I usually see what she can tolerate. I start by taking an hour off of the end of the day. If she still is refusing, I move it up 2 hours or pick her up after lunch. I try and make staying home as boring as possible. It's so tough when they're not feeling right, especially with the meds.

[philamom]

Hi Cobbie:

 

After his first successful week back at public chool, my son developed a new mycoplasma infection and we definitely saw some regression! Getting him into the classroom was a nightmare this morning and all of my memories from 2 years ago came flooding back because this was one of our first PANDAS symptoms

 

It is all just heartbreaking. Anyway, he was supposed to go full time this week and I am just going to send him back part-time until after Christmas.

 

So, I think part-time is a nice compromise for these sick little kids.

 

Elizabeth

Elizabeth-

So sorry to hear this! Did your son present physical symptoms of the infection or just behavioral symptoms?