Siblings

[trademein]

How do I help my non PANDAS d (12) deal with her PANDAS sister? I know she is going through something. She doesn't get the one on one attention she wants. I try to do special things with just her but it doesent seem to be enough. She was diagnosed with Lyme in 3/10 and has made a nice recovery from it so I don't think that is the problem. She seems withdrawn alot. any suggestions

[JuliaFaith]

It just so happens that I did some training on this yesterday (just a bit) and spending one-on-one time is really a great idea. Also, when you do have that time, see if you can get her to open up and tell you how she is feeling, if possible. My brother and I had the best conversations while doing the dishes when were younger. Teens are sometimes difficult to talk to in the best of times. Hope this helps somewhat.

[KaraM]

Not sure I have great suggestions - but I can relate, completely.

My dd8 has PANDAS. My ds11 does not. Last year, when she was going through everything, he was impacted greately. Her rages would scare him enough that he would hide under the covers. Sometimes they were directed at him, because he would "contaminate" things (like all the food in the fridge just by walking by).

I have to give him credit. He was pretty patient with her. But as the months went by, his temper would started getting short and he would end up screaming at his cousins or pushing a friend (very uncharacteristic). He got much less attention from us and we were able to do much less as a family. During Feb. vacation last year, we left the house once.

 

Eventually, I just tried to get him away from her/the house as much as possible so he wouldn't have to be subject to everything. He would sleep at my parents every now and then or hang out with cousins or friend for the day. I also tried to get him involved in some other activities. Logistics were difficult, but we pulled it off.

 

I had him read Up and Down the Worry Hill and some other OCD publications geared toward children. I also tried to explain what is happening in her body so he could see it's out of her control. I also tried to compare it to his allergies and asthma or times when he's had pneumonia and ended up in the hosptial. He could not control any of those things and at those times, he got a lot more attention from us than she did.

 

I know a parent is best, but maybe you can find another special adult to spend some extra time with your other child while your family is in this crisis.

 

One other thing, he did end up talking with Erin's OCD therapist a few times, too.

 

Kara

 

 

How do I help my non PANDAS d (12) deal with her PANDAS sister? I know she is going through something. She doesn't get the one on one attention she wants. I try to do special things with just her but it doesent seem to be enough. She was diagnosed with Lyme in 3/10 and has made a nice recovery from it so I don't think that is the problem. She seems withdrawn alot. any suggestions