Severe School Refusal

[philamom]

edit

Edited March 29, 2012 by philamom

[MomWithOCDSon]

Having been there ourselves last year, I can totally empathize with your situation! We had very similar issues and symptoms of refusal. But, in the end, it all boiled down to anxiety. And, unfortunately, the more we let him stay home, the worse things got. I do believe that he almost literally made himself "sick" with the anxiety of being expected to go to school: the churning stomach, the high-alert "fight or flight" reflexes all kicked into high gear. Of course he genuinely felt horrible!

 

And, in our case, it didn't seem to matter that he liked some of his teachers, enjoyed the subjects, had some friends he wouldn't be seeing at all if not for school; the anxiety of contending with school itself was negative enough in his mind to outweigh all of those positives. We home-schooled for about 6 weeks while we got him on abx and finished an IEP process at the school, and he willingly kept up with classwork and homework at home. He just didn't want to attend school.

 

In our case, I'm convinced the abx made it possible for us to get him back into school, but it was still tough going. Yes, I think an IEP would be very helpful for you, as being classified legally under the Special Education department covers your child for excessive absences (as in, no negative repercussions there) and could also provide you with home-based schooling, though that's typically limited to, I think, one hour per day, provided by the school and its usually after hours by a teacher who's available to provide the service on a daily basis.

 

You might also try getting her back into school gradually. Our DS is older, so he has specific class periods and changes of classes. We started returning him to school one class at a time, beginning with his favorite class in the afternoon, after lunch. Then we gradually (every 10 days to 2 weeks) added another class and another until he was there all afternoon. Then we began adding to the other end of the day until he was in school all day again; it took up about 3 months and LOTS of help via his IEP and school caseworker, but it worked.

 

Good luck! I know how horrible it feels (we still have an occassional day where DS will start angling for a day out because his "stomach hurts" or something along those lines), but now he knows 1) school is a "non-negotiable," and 2) he has a sytem and people in place at school to help him if he needs a breather or a safe haven, other than his house.

[NancyD]

We were in the same boat four years ago. However, DD was already on an IEP because of her ASD diagnosis and I knew that our local public school could not meet her needs. She was being bullied by a girl in her class and the school handled it really poorly. Her PANDAS symptoms were excalating and our lives were miserable. DD refused to go back to school and I did not force her because I knew how fragile she was. The school gave us a tutor for 2 hours each afternoon for almost a year (unfortunately during the time she wanted to go outside and play with friends) while I fought for and won an out-of-district placement to a fabulous private school for children with social/emotional needs. She is still at the same school and the district pays for it. I did hire an excellent attorney who always settles and never goes to litigation and I did most of the leg work so I kept his costs to a minimum. It was the BEST move I ever made!

 

While you are getting the medical treatment you need for your son you may want to get your ducks in a row in case there is no quick fix for his anxiety and you want to seek alternative options (i.e., home schooling, specialized program, outside placement, etc.).

 

PA (like MA) is a great state for getting the services you need. I suggest you pick up a copy of The Complete IEP Guide by Nolo. I always recommend this book to parents who have children with special needs.

 

You will also need letters and documentation from doctors that will support an IEP. May want to find a good outside neuropsychologist who will test and observe your child. I would also contact your local SPED director about creating an IEP for your child.

 

Nancy

[smartyjones]

our experiences are very similar to OCDmom. however, my son is younger, now 6 -- school anxiety last 2 years, age 4.5 in preschool and 5 in kindergarten. the first year, with onset of pandas, was out of the blue. he loved school, had many friends -- he just started refusing. one of his major onset behaviors. first year, he missed the last 5 weeks of school in may. second year, seemed tied to some event -- getting in trouble; when he stayed for the whole day instead of being picked up 1/2 hr earlier. i believe it's all the same pandas mechanism that gets it in place, and then 'normal' anxiety weighs in also.

at times of severe refusal, he would have gladly walked into a burning forest rather than go into the school building. i think it's important to understand the degree of terror that can be involved. not to accomodate it, just to understand for them, it is extrememly real. confounding that, the more you allow the staying home, the more that snowballs. it's a really tough situation.

 

i believe the root is helped with abx or whatever treatment you are pursuing. we wrote a personal story based on the book Brave Ben about a boy who is fearful of everything. ds was 5 so that may not be helpful for you. but older son who was 7 at the time also enjoyed it.

 

for my ds, during the second year, we made deals -- we'd allow one day and he had to go the next. this is very dangerous, however, he abided. for him, if he agrees, he'll usually follow through -- depending on where he is in an exacerbation -- not always easy to tell.

once when he had an appt in the morning and then refused b/c arrival was 'different' we did steps as if overcoming phobia. that day -- we drove through the lot and didn't get out. he went fine the next day when back on schedule but we'd had devised that the next time arrrival was different, we'd go into the school but then leave. the 3rd time, he'd stay for the day. ds works well with these type of steps.

 

our psych had suggested when doing shortened days, to make it late arrival and leave with the other kids rather than start on time and leave early. we never had to do that. i can't exactly remember the logic. i think it to not be too set out as different b/c you leave with everyone else.

 

perhaps you can use the repeating technique from the Explosive Child to gain insight into what your child sees as the problem and then devise a plan from there.

 

good luck!

[dcmom]

We have had school refusal during exacerbation for both daughters. We made different decisions for each- and if I had to do over, would do the same.

 

Younger dd, in K and 1st at the time, had VERY hard mornings, and a VERY hard time seperating. We accomodated a lot of stuff, but MADE her attend school because she enjoyed it and did well once she was there. We accomodated the morning routing by only requiring the minimum at home (let go of mathcing outfits, brushing teeth and hair, etc). All she had to do was eat breakfast and get dressed, if she did this, as we left the house, she got a small prize. I walked her in to class, and waited to leave until she put away her stuff, one of her friends and the teacher came, and we did a nice hug. If it was a particularly hard morning, I would offer to come see her at recess, and if she wanted to come home then she could. This worked well with her, because it got her to stay, and she loved recess (and school) so she never wanted to come home (plus I was available to do this). This was a suggestion from our psychologist, and it saved our year! Her biggest problem was in the separating from me.

 

My older dd got pandas the following year. Joy. She started with major school refusal (among other issues). We initially forced her to go- but one day I was in the classroom- and saw a different child. My former outgoing, happy, school loving kid, sat there stiff, pale, quiet, non social, and staring out the window. I could see this was not in her best interest at all. We made the decision to keep her home after that- while awaiting PEX. She did better in the comfort of her own home, and when she was "healthier" post pex, actually begged me to let her back to school sooner- and went back with NO issue, and picked right up where she was pre pandas (socially and academically).

 

I think it would be helpful to determine if once your daughter gets to school- if things are good for her. IF that is the case- I would force it as much as reasonable possible- and reward attendance of course. If she is all out miserable while in school- you may want to look at your options.

[philamom]

edit,

Edited March 29, 2012 by philamom