Ugh. Big hugs. I'm so sorry, I really feel you. I was where you are just last month, emailing and calling our doctor in tears asking if this is how our lives will be forever now. I still wake at all hours of the night with a hundred questions and thoughts etc, waiting for the night time wake ups of screaming etc. It feels neverending. PTSD for parents with PANS/PANDAS is SO real. The caregivers need help too. This is a lonely wild ride. If you're able to find a support group I know a lot of parents find just venting to people who understand therapeutic. Xxo