New School

[mama2alex]

DS10 started 4th grade at a private school on Wednesday and did GREAT the first two days (a few blips at home, but no problem going or staying at school), but today was a disaster. I don't know if he was exposed to something, exhausted from the new schedule and all the new input, or it's just hard being the new kid, but he REFUSED to go today. I finally got him there at 8:30 (they start at 8) and the good news was how brilliant the principal is in working with him! I could have kissed the man. He used humor, was very relaxed, and even when it was clear he wouldn't be able to get ds out of the car, he was very laid back about it. And he told me quietly on the side that he was going to help us get through this. I did finally get ds to go in for 2 hours this afternoon, but that was after making him listen to classical music all day, telling him no tv/ds until he's back in school for 3 days straight, and no playdate with the neighbor boy today unless he goes in this afternoon. And even then, he had a hard time once he got there, and we needed lots of help from the principal. The school seems wonderful, and I do think it's the right place for him, but I'm so worried we're not going to be able to get him there - he's so anxious.

 

We are 3 weeks post IVIG (2nd one) today, so I'm hoping things will improve over the coming weeks.

[thereishope]

I'm sorry he wouldn't go to school, but I am happy you will have support. It makes it "easier" to at least try to get your child to school and overcome their fears and anxieties. Even if he went for 2 hours, at least he's going! That's a big deal.

[LNN]

I agree with Vickie - given how hard this was, 2 hours is a very big deal. If you can, squash the part of you that wants to yell, or even show disappointment. Celebrate all weekend how proud you are of his being able to fight and accomplish getting in the door. See if you can be detectives and talk about triggers. Why was today different? What can you both do to make Monday better? Set a goal of 2.5 hours for Monday, not the whole day. Shoot for the morning, since starting the day with everyone may be easier than walking in in the middle when everyone else in a rhythm. Tell him you'll pick him in 2.5 hours if he can start the day on time. Maybe promise he can go to the principal if he gets overwhelmed. And try to drive home the point that this is temporary - that you will beat this thing together.

 

We never had to deal with full school refusal. Just lots of anxiety getting there. One thing that helped was to get there early, before anyone else. Then as people slowly started to come in, my son could gradually adjust to the crescendo of noise, activity and energy. He was already in the stream, instead of having to jump in when it was already full bore. This let his anxiety rise slowly and he could adjust instead of having to jump into things cold. You may also want to work out a "safe" signal or "safe" phrase - something he can tell an adult that translates into "I'm about to lose it, get me out of here NOW" without having to actually say that.

 

Your principal sounds like an angel. I wouldn't be surprised if he has something like this in his past - either other students or a family member. It is a rare find - hopefully he can form a bond with your son and be an anchor for those parts of the day when you're not there.

[saidie10]

DS10 started 4th grade at a private school on Wednesday and did GREAT the first two days (a few blips at home, but no problem going or staying at school), but today was a disaster. I don't know if he was exposed to something, exhausted from the new schedule and all the new input, or it's just hard being the new kid, but he REFUSED to go today. I finally got him there at 8:30 (they start at 8) and the good news was how brilliant the principal is in working with him! I could have kissed the man. He used humor, was very relaxed, and even when it was clear he wouldn't be able to get ds out of the car, he was very laid back about it. And he told me quietly on the side that he was going to help us get through this. I did finally get ds to go in for 2 hours this afternoon, but that was after making him listen to classical music all day, telling him no tv/ds until he's back in school for 3 days straight, and no playdate with the neighbor boy today unless he goes in this afternoon. And even then, he had a hard time once he got there, and we needed lots of help from the principal. The school seems wonderful, and I do think it's the right place for him, but I'm so worried we're not going to be able to get him there - he's so anxious.

 

We are 3 weeks post IVIG (2nd one) today, so I'm hoping things will improve over the coming weeks.

 

So glad you have such an understanding and caring Principal! Sounds like you are in the right place. Praying things will continue to improve. Maybe today was just a blip!

[mama2alex]

For those who replied and anyone else who's interested, I just wanted to give a (happy!) update. He was back in the saddle on Monday and has gone every day this week. Monday was slightly rough when he woke up, but he was good by the time we got there. The principal continues to be really supportive and the teacher was unruffled by the fact that I'm taking him out 10 minutes early every Monday for therapy.

 

Thanks for the supportive responses - Friday was a scary day for me, and I really needed those kind words. LLM, thanks for the great advice - I am incorporating many of your suggestions.

[EAMom]

yay! good to hear that news.

[kimballot]

Congrats to you! And thanks to the folks who posted with suggestions. My son starts in a couple of weeks and I am starting to get a little nervous myself. My son has done very well this summer but I am starting to have flashbacks of the end of the school year last year when he was horribly sick and could barely go to school for even part of the day. I am hoping MY anxiety doesn't rub off on him!

 

So glad to hear that you were able to turn things around this week. I will keep my fingers crossed for you that it stays that way!