Should I have my DS visit me in the hospital?

[tantrums]

I'm having surgery next week - a lumbar spinal fusion. One of DS' biggest obsessions/fears is that either he will die or I will die. He seems to be getting very stressed over me being in the hospital and "will you survive Mommy? What will they do to you? Why won't you be home?" etc... The hospital recently lifted the visitor restriction that they had when H1N1 was more prevelent so kids are again able to visit. But I can't decide if it will help or hurt to have him come see me there? I'm leaning towards playing it by ear so to speak and seeing how I feel and how long I'm actually there. They can't give me an exact time frame - could just be 3 days, could be a week. I think if it's a week, he will totally freak out! If it's just over the weekend, he can go stay with my parents, have a great time and probably not care at all

 

What would you do? Overall, he is "better" after 4 weeks of ABX. Tics are down, rages are down. But he's still just "odd" IMO. More like depressive if anything and very hyperactive at the same time. Nothing seems to make him happy, nothing is good enough. VERY difficult to be around him anymore, which is hard on everyone!

[peglem]

I'm having surgery next week - a lumbar spinal fusion. One of DS' biggest obsessions/fears is that either he will die or I will die. He seems to be getting very stressed over me being in the hospital and "will you survive Mommy? What will they do to you? Why won't you be home?" etc... The hospital recently lifted the visitor restriction that they had when H1N1 was more prevelent so kids are again able to visit. But I can't decide if it will help or hurt to have him come see me there? I'm leaning towards playing it by ear so to speak and seeing how I feel and how long I'm actually there. They can't give me an exact time frame - could just be 3 days, could be a week. I think if it's a week, he will totally freak out! If it's just over the weekend, he can go stay with my parents, have a great time and probably not care at all

 

What would you do? Overall, he is "better" after 4 weeks of ABX. Tics are down, rages are down. But he's still just "odd" IMO. More like depressive if anything and very hyperactive at the same time. Nothing seems to make him happy, nothing is good enough. VERY difficult to be around him anymore, which is hard on everyone!

That is such a judgement call. You do not want him exposed to germs at the hospital, but you also want him manageable for whoever is in charge while you're at the hospital. Anyway this could be handled with just phone calls? Or with video cams?

[ajcire]

I don't have any good advice but wanted to wish you a successful surgery and speedy recovery! I know that you have been waiting for this for a long time!

[T_Mom]

All the best on the surgery--You may be able to tell once the time arrives...perhaps a phone call would be enough, you'll know--

Best to you --

[tantrums]

Thanks I think you're right - I'll have to pretty much play it by ear and see how he and I are doing. The hospital does have all private rooms, so his access to anything scary should be limited if he comes. I think maybe we'll wait and see if HE is asking while I'm there. We can try the phone call first - I actually hadn't even thought of that.

 

The surgery has been discussed in a very positive light in this house. The doctor is going to fix my back so I feel better. So I dont' think there is a major anxiety just over the surgery. I'm not anxious about it. I'm very positive about it. Too much pain for too long to go without so it's not like a shocking thing that I'm fearing and passing the fear to him. We've also been through it before so he has some idea what to expect.

 

If I am only there 3 days, he will be with my parents most of that time and probably having too much fun to care. Grandparents take him everywhere he wants to go and he has SOOO much fun with them he never wants to come home.

[thereishope]

Honestly, I would not have him visit. When I broke my toe, for the next month or so, I had to hear over and over, "is my bone broken? am I going to be okay, mom?". That association is common with OCD. You may think you are assuring him that you are okay, but may be setting him up for worrying about his own life and safety. You cannot control what else he may see at the hopsital. There are a lot of machines and not to mention virus and bacteria.

 

Also, if he is prone to tantrums and meltdowns, you may get one when it's time for him to leave.

 

You can call him numerous times, write him a note, or have someone bring a digital camera and take your pic at the hospital to show him and prove you are fine.

[tantrums]

WOW! My DS does the same thing!! Anytime he hears of someone being hurt it's "is that going to happen to me?" "why won't it happen to me" "how do you know it won't happen to me". He only asked once if his back would break luckily.

 

I can imagine my luck. They would walk into the hospital just as some massive trauma arrived. I do think we are going to most likely NOT have him visit. I honestly hadn't even thought of the germ exposure. Being new to this, my brain isn't wired that way yet. Although - I probably seem OCD in doctors offices - LOL! I can't STAND the way he has to touch everything in there and climb around on everything! That's the one place in the world I'm totally germ phobic!

 

I love the camera idea! I'll have my DH bring the camera and take pictures of me waving to him. He can even email them to my mom if DS stays with my parents over the weekend so he can see I'm okay

[mama2alex]

Good luck with your surgery! I don't have any advice as far as what to do for his peace of mind, but wanted to mention that my son's first exacerbation seems to have occurred when he was hospitalized. It's not the best place for a kid who has a bad reaction to bacteria/viruses. Best of luck with everything!