Not eating at school due to fears

[mama2alex]

My son has stopped eating at school due to his fear of bees. He's afraid if he gets any food out, they will be attracted to him and sting him. The kids eat outdoors in a covered picnic area, so the bee problem is real and I guess several kids have been stung. At first I tried to talk to him about it, but of course this is pointless. Now I'm just trying to feed him a lot after school, but today he wasn't interested in eating until 4:30, even though he said he was hungry.

 

We talked to the principal about PANDAS the night before school started, and emailed her twice about sitting down to map out a 504 plan (which she had suggested), but she is not responding. I've never had anything like a 504 plan for him, so I'm not sure how it works. I'm not sure what they can or are willing to do about this problem in particular, but I'm starting to get worried about it. He's lost a little weight already. Has anyone else here had a problem like this? Any advice on working with the principal/teacher on something like this?

 

Thanks!

[ShaesMom]

My son has stopped eating at school due to his fear of bees. He's afraid if he gets any food out, they will be attracted to him and sting him. The kids eat outdoors in a covered picnic area, so the bee problem is real and I guess several kids have been stung. At first I tried to talk to him about it, but of course this is pointless. Now I'm just trying to feed him a lot after school, but today he wasn't interested in eating until 4:30, even though he said he was hungry.

 

We talked to the principal about PANDAS the night before school started, and emailed her twice about sitting down to map out a 504 plan (which she had suggested), but she is not responding. I've never had anything like a 504 plan for him, so I'm not sure how it works. I'm not sure what they can or are willing to do about this problem in particular, but I'm starting to get worried about it. He's lost a little weight already. Has anyone else here had a problem like this? Any advice on working with the principal/teacher on something like this?

 

Thanks!

 

No bees but we did have eating issues--

 

Last year during her worst exacerbation, Shae completely stopped eating breakfast and lunch at school. After we started the abx, she started eating 5 pretzels every day for lunch. She did this for two months.

 

This year she has been able to eat breakfast before school but was again not eating lunch. I went to the school during the second week to see what was going on at lunch. She wasn't showing any signs of anxiety but was eating so slowly that she was only able to eat a few crackers or cookies. I started packing less in her lunch in the hopes that she would eat her sandwich. Still didn't work. When asked she always told me that she didn't have enough time. After her third IVIG treatment--she started eating all of her lunch and started asking me to pack more. I asked her what had and changed and she still told me that she didn't have enough time BUT she also finally told me she was afraid of choking if she ate to fast. Classic Pandas symptom but it took her months to tell me the underlying reason as to why she refused to eat at school.

 

I know I'm not really helping any but just thought I'd share that despite consistently being told by her that it was a time issue it was really an issue of a fear of choking.

[EAMom]

Living in beautiful Northern Ca is both a blessing and a curse with the covered picnic benches/no real cafeteria. Having your psychiatrist write a letter will likely be helpful (it helped our IEP). I would also call or stop by in person if your principal isn't responding. I'm not that up on all the legal issues...but I believe the school has to respond??

 

BTW, a pandas child can get an IEP (not sure about a 504, I think one of those too) under "Other Health Imparied" or OHI. We had to do an IEP since we already had one in place for speech therapy (you can't have both an IEP and a 504).

[thereishope]

My son had an eating probelm that filtered into school. That's when I was thankful it was just half day preschool!

 

When he was finally willing to bring his lunch tote again, he made his lunch. It was the same thing everyday. At first he'd only eat an applesauce, then he graduated to cream cheese and jelly roll ups and an applesauce. How old is you son? Is he young enough that you can try to have a silly conversation with him about things bees might hate. And that can lead to things he might be willing to take. I have a fear of bees and I cannot eat outside. I feel for him.

 

I don't know if this is an option, but are you allowed to visit them at lunchtime? My kids' elementary school allows parents to visit and eat lunch with their child. If that's a posibility, perhaps that might help the situation.

 

Would a movie like "Bee Movie" make him more scared or show bees in a more funny light?

[EAMom]

After my dd was hospitalized for anorexia/malnutriiton (from PANDAS) in March 08, when she was eventually allowed to go back to school to I drove everyday (for about 2mo.) to pick her up for lunch (to make sure she ate). Sometimes we went to a close park. Other times we drove home and then I drove her back to school after lunch.

 

The other option is to visit and eat with your child (as Vickie suggested)....my dd didn't want me to do that. I think she was too embarassed.

[peglem]

Well, the bee thing is a reasonable fear, I think. Shouldn't the school be doing something to protect ALL the kids from bee stings? I mean, after the 1st time a kid got stung, they knew they had a bee problem. So, why don't they either have the bees removed and let your guy eat lunch indoors? Should it take a 504 plan to solve this problem? Seems like common sense to me.

[sf_mom]

I just got stung by a bee last week and it still itches!! It was inside a sweat shirt when I put it on.

 

I feel for Alex but I'll ad that my son was plucking his hair to look at the roots (sound familiar to anyone). Thankfully, I don't think he was eating it but he stopped once he felt better. All he said about it was that he stopped because he didn't want to lose his hair.

[smartyjones]

I asked her what had and changed and she still told me that she didn't have enough time BUT she also finally told me she was afraid of choking if she ate to fast. Classic Pandas symptom but it took her months to tell me the underlying reason as to why she refused to eat at school.

 

I know I'm not really helping any but just thought I'd share that despite consistently being told by her that it was a time issue it was really an issue of a fear of choking.

 

My son refused to go to school the last 5 weeks last year. There was an incident that he got in trouble. The teacher could have over-reacted a little; I had warned her I was seeing a ramp-up in symptoms so I still feel bad I put her on hyper-alert. At any rate, he got in trouble and I think due to pandas exacerbation, it took on a life of it's own. He would just say he "was scared of everything" or didn't like it or the work was too hard. He really loves school.

 

(Interestingly, I don't really think it was the fact that he got in trouble that caused the school phobia. He was getting a cold and symptoms so I kept him out the next day. The third day, he had bloodwork and couldn't eat breakfast - it was late and he only goes 1/2 day, so I kept him out. The next two days, another local school was closed due to H1N1 and I kept him out b/c there are siblings at our school and that school and I was paranoid and unsure what the bloodwork would show. I don't think it was the trouble at school as much as not returning after getting in trouble. In his chain of thoughts, not going = he's too troublesome to be there or something)

 

During the summer, just by chance, we had gotten a book called Brave Ben by Mathilde Stein from the library. Very cute book about a boy who is afraid of everything and calls the "Magic Tree" for help. Danny is 5 but my 7 year old liked it too.

 

Closer to school approaching, we wrote a story almost page for page about Brave Dan who really does want to go to school but needs help b/c he's afraid. We wrote the line, "Sometimes he would feel very scared to go to school. His mama didn't know why, his papa didn't know why, even his teacher didn't know why." I was going to write, "Even Dan didn't know why" b/c I believed he didn't know why, that it was just a visceral reaction. Danny quietly whispered, "I do know why." He then told me that he was scared he would always be in trouble b/c of that incident. He's such a black & white thinker that for him, that incident = he's always that kid in trouble from that day.

 

We wrote out the story and it was helpful to get him back into school. He loved it but was careful to make sure it was a story about another Brave Dan - not him. He wanted all the pictures cartoons so there was enough distance.

 

The first couple days of school we talked about the things book Brave Dan encounters as we were walking into the school. I think it was helpful for him to have something else to focus on and be able to put it outside of himself.

 

I think maybe the most helpful thing was for me to get a handle on the real issue. He is doing well now and I think his biggest pandas symptom is inappropriate fright or flight. He doesn't so much have a problem articulating what's wrong - it's more separating his intense emotion from it to be able to state it and look for a solution. For the school phobia, putting it in the form of a book and having the distance from him to the character of the book helped. And I gained some insight into the root cause.

 

The bee fear is certainly valid. When another kid got stung, a teacher or kid could have said the bees are attracted to the food. If he's a black & white thinker, he may believe one bee attracted to food = any food will always bring on bees; someone once got stung = someone will always get stung if bees are around. I certainly would try to work with the school to make sure they are appropriately dealing with the bee issue. Also, I'd try to work with him to conquer his thoughts about it.

[Megs_Mom]

I asked her what had and changed and she still told me that she didn't have enough time BUT she also finally told me she was afraid of choking if she ate to fast. Classic Pandas symptom but it took her months to tell me the underlying reason as to why she refused to eat at school.

 

I know I'm not really helping any but just thought I'd share that despite consistently being told by her that it was a time issue it was really an issue of a fear of choking.

 

Also, I'd try to work with him to conquer his thoughts about it.

 

I just want to agree with the above 2 posts - this is very classic OCD, to find one thing to be afraid of, and then make other critical things depend on that one thing. It starts rational, and then becomes irrational. We find ERP therapy to be very effective with this kind of fear, and it puts the control back in your child's hands. It may mean working with the school or going yourself to lunch while you slowly ramp up, but it will work. As an example, it may mean listing all foods and drinks & figuring out what may be the easiest one to try - and then doing a reward plan to reward his efforts. PM me if you want to work on an ERP plan - I'd be happy to brainstorm one.

[EAMom]

I also wonder if any other kids are not eating b/c of the bees. If that is so, then the principal really needs to address that issue for everyone.

[mama2alex]

Thanks to all for sharing your stories and ideas. Alex said he would eat something for lunch today, but if I don't see a change I'm going to stop in and ask the principal for her suggestions. It will also be a good excuse to nail down a date for our 504 plan meeting.

 

Thanks again - you are all tremendously smart, helpful and supportive!