nurturing interests or feeding obsessions?

[bronxmom2]

My son is obsessed-- or, um, passionately interested-- in one thing after another. Last year it was ships, he learned everything he could about ships and everything he touched turned into a ship-- legos, sticks, if you gave him a stack of paper and asked him to write something you'd come back to find an enormous mound of finely constructed paper ships. At the end of each day his backpack was stuffed full of paper ships. Now, this seemed like an harmless or even constructive interest, so I got him books and kits and we watched ship movies and I took him to ship museums, etc.

 

Now he is obsessed with something called Games Workshop, which is this strange line of fantasy games, you paint these intricate little figurines and play elaborate, chess-like battle games with them. There are Workshops in most cities where you can paint your figures, play the game, hang out with other gamers. My son just turned 7, the others are all teenagers or even adults. I like these people, they are nice to my son and he is able to interact without the constant conflict he generates with his agemates. He will sit for hours painting these things-- this child who otherwise bounces all the time-- and at home he sits pouring over the Rule Book. It's very useful for managing him, but of course he is obsessed. He literally can't talk about anything but Games Workshop and/or Lord of the Rings figures.

 

I know I need to get him off this stuff, but... sigh.

 

Is it OK to use these obsessions to manage our children, or do we need to fight them?

[dcmom]

Bronxmom 2-

 

(I am hanging out too much on this forum)

 

My daughter hasn't had any obsessions like you describe, but... What you are describing sounds somewhat "normal", if a little over the edge kid behavoir. What I mean is, kids seem to get really interested in things they discover, talk and think about it all the time, and then eventually peter out. My pandas dd is totally horse crazy right now. She is happy on a horse, and lives for her lesson. I look at it as almost therapy for her. What you describe sounds similar for your son- so I would encourage it. Painting, creativity all sound great!

 

I guess I would just be sure to teach/enforce boundaries (we have to do this with non pandas dd). Like for example, at dinner, okay one conversation about the game- then on to other topics. Maybe a time limit daily- one hour on the activity, then to other stuff: play outside, music lesson, etc.

 

Also, my dd has some separation issues with school. Mondays are hardest for her. I now put her riding lessons on Mondays afterschool and it gets her through Monday morning. So you can use this interest as a motivator (or bargaining tool).

[smartyjones]

where is that obsession line? i am crazily checking this forum the past few weeks. i'm almost late to pick up my son from school - but had to see what was happening here! i loved that post a few weeks ago about obsession with our pandas kids.

 

i know what you're asking about your son - but we all do have our bouts of obsession.

my kids go to a montessori school and in the elementary program they call it "exhausting a subject". i think the true test if it impedes functioning and to what degree. dcmom's guidelines sound great - maybe if he unreasonable balks at all other activities too often?

 

dcmom - if you have horse interests - have you heard of the book "the horse boy"? it's a father's story of his way to reach his autistic son. includes going to mongolia! great read, fabulous story and such the connection of what we do for the love of our kids! they filmed the trip coming out as a documentary this fall.

[bronxmom2]

hey guys-- I hang out on this forum too much too!

 

I always thought the obsessive interest thing was "normal" too, actually I was a little proud of it, my son was always different from other kids and this was one of the cool ways... he's passionate! Now I'm beginning to see everything in a different light... it's obviously a "symptom" of OCD and it does impede his social functioning, but on some level I don't care... as long as, as dcmom said, boundaries are enforced... though the boundaries take a lot of energy to enforce... once you give him a little he'll always push for more. I guess I wonder if OCD gets "worse" if you give in to your obsessions.

[peglem]

My daughter has this problem as well....in a different way, she's developmentally delayed and cannot speak, but we'll see that she's interested in, or enjoying something (one year it was care bear figures) and we'll "encourage" it by supplying her with materials...and then it turns ugly...it takes over her life and she can't not engage, even when she doesn't want to and ends up kind of enslaved by it, and not enjoying it at all. So, I take it away, deal with a burst of incredible anxiety, and move on.

 

But, my daughter's obsessions do not sound as sophisticated as your son's. I think you need to weigh how much it interferes w/ life vs how much it enhances life. If he isn't upset by it, I'd just work on containing it so that he still has life outside the obsession. And if it helps to "manage" him, well....you do need that as well.

[thereishope]

I would consider it an obsession if he can never leave it behind. Example...you call him to dinner and he screams and and becomes physical because he NEEDS to continue to play. If he does this even with a 5 minute warning that dinner is almost ready. Another is he refuses to eat dinner because his figure isn't sitting on the table. At 7, he should be able to "let go" for that amount of time.

 

My son is very into Legos right now. He looks at them at every store we go to. He spends hours every day building. He talks about all the time. Do I consider it an obsession? no. I think he inherited the geek gene from my husband who at 40 still owns all his Star Wars toys and Dungeons and Dragons books.

[bronxmom2]

I would say he's somewhere between getting dragged to the table and getting lost in his legos. Closer to getting dragged to the table, though.

 

I played with my legos until I was 18!

[thereishope]

I've found with my 5 year old son when he was recovering from residual OCD, it got to the point I couldn't allow him to play Legos if dinner was in an hour or less.Otherwise, I got the screaming and dragging. Eventually, he was able to play them whenever he wanted if he agreed to come to the table when told. I'd gave him a 10 minute warning, then a 5 minute warning, he'd come to the table willingly. Now, even though most of the time he comes in a heartbeat, I still give a 5 minute warning to ward off "I didn't get a chance to play yet" or emergency last minute bathroom stops. If he says calmly he needs to finish one more thing, I now trust him to do so and I'll say fine. I know what it's like to have to do something but I want to finish typing out my thought on the computer or I'll forget what I wanted to say. So I try to respect that he is feeling the same thing. I am happy to say dragging, screaming and chasing him back to the table no longer occurs in my house.

 

 

ps..OCD does get worse if you give into obessions. Giving in is the big "no no". But it's complicated when it involves a child and toys. There's so much gray area. If he has other OCD issues, perhaps tackle those first.