Performance, sports, and boys (a bit OT)

[ilovedogs]

My son is a high achiever in sports. He could care less about school. I'm trying to figure out if his crying and emotions about his sports performance are related to his anxiety and low stress threshold or if it's just his age. For those who don't know, my son has GAD(generalized anxiety disorder, OCD tendencies, and tics...mostly facial). Anyway, he just played in a tennis tournament this weekend and made it to the finals in the boys singles, he won the boys doubles with his friend and I didn't see him stressed out at all. Not even a tear when he lost the final!!!!

 

So, we go to tennis clinic this AM and he comes home and cries for almost 2 hours afterwards b/c he thinks he should have played better and that he played people who were 'not as good as him(in his opinion of course)' and so therefore, he should have been playing better. He was critical of his form and was just ready to quit the sport...OVER CLINIC???? I just don't get it. Is this an age thing, a boy thing, or a combination of many things? I'm used to him getting weepy over stuff like his fear of germs/disease or his separation anxiety, etc but this sports stuff is very new to me. I grew up with all girls so I don't understand boys at all!!!

 

Bonnie

[MichaelTampa]

I'll give you my thoughts as an adult with no kids, but who played competitive tennis as a child, including going to tennis camps and lessons, and then in high school and college. Reacting in that way to playing poorly during a lesson or clinic is definitely not something that would normally happen. I have seen crying after matches and tournaments and the like. While that is uncommon, it happens enough that I've seen it a number of times here and there. I have seen this crying at various ages, and one of my high school teammates was someone I saw crying many times out of a disappointing loss.

 

To take a wild guess, I wonder if he was really disappointed he lost in the finals, and then wanted to learn and improve so he could win next time, and so he felt like he had a lot riding on the lessons, and then they went poorly, and he concluded he wasn't going to be able to improve the way he wanted to?

[ilovedogs]

I'll give you my thoughts as an adult with no kids, but who played competitive tennis as a child, including going to tennis camps and lessons, and then in high school and college. Reacting in that way to playing poorly during a lesson or clinic is definitely not something that would normally happen. I have seen crying after matches and tournaments and the like. While that is uncommon, it happens enough that I've seen it a number of times here and there. I have seen this crying at various ages, and one of my high school teammates was someone I saw crying many times out of a disappointing loss.

 

To take a wild guess, I wonder if he was really disappointed he lost in the finals, and then wanted to learn and improve so he could win next time, and so he felt like he had a lot riding on the lessons, and then they went poorly, and he concluded he wasn't going to be able to improve the way he wanted to?

You know, what it came down to was him being too hard on himself. He was crying b/c he was totally messing up his forehand over and over again and the coach made him run a lap b/c he had too many miss hits, which all the kids were put under this warning(not just him). It could have been from his loss in the final, but we asked him and he said no. He just said he was mad at himself that he couldn't fix his forehand. He has so much passion but he also has emotional issues and anxiety along with the tics. So, when you combine that altogether you get quite a mess sometimes!

 

So, did you enjoy playing tennis all those years? Do you still play?

[CSP]

Hi Bonnie,

 

My son does a lot of what you say your guy does, only he does not cry just gets very upset. I find it in sports he is playing and also pro teams that lose or play poorly. I feel it is an obsession with my son that the only outcome should be a win.

 

He was so upset at the first two games pitts lost in hockey that I shaved a "P" to the back of his head and told him Pittsburgh would win now. Thank goodness they did or I would be in the doghouse all summer.

 

CP