Obsessive thoughts about other people.

[Guest]

Sometimes I think obsessively about my friends, more so worried that I won't be able to talk on the phone with them or respond to emails b/c of how sick I am.

 

But lately, if I meet someone I'm attracted to (emotionally, physically, interests), even though they are strangers, I find myself thinking about them obsessively. Perhaps this stems from being single for 8 years and in that time completely alone with a desire to have a companion. The thoughts are not sexual.

 

I realize that it's completely crazy! But the thoughts will not stop. They turn into almost day dreams of what I'd say to them or going to a park, etc. It is almost fantasies even though I realize I don't know this person, they are a stranger to me!!!! It's so bizarre that I am embarrassed to talk to anyone about it. I did not have this issue until the ocd started.

 

I would never find them, I'm actually too sick to even leave my house, but I don't understand these thoughts about complete strangers I met somewhere randomly, I don't know how to stop it, it's keeping me from sleeping, and they are very unwanted.

 

I think deep down, one of my biggest fears is not only that I won't get better, but that nobody will ever want me even if I do improve. I am so damaged and have so many issues, who would possibly want to deal with this? But any young woman wants to be in love and married some-day, that desire has not changed.

 

Also, around other people I just stare at the ground and can't make eye contact. No self esteem what so ever, and constant negative thoughts about my appearance. My friends say they can see who I am inside though, very kind, very empathetic, very talented and funny, very compassionate and a loving soul.

 

 

[MomWithOCDSon]

Sorry, Ophelia. On top of all the other medical stuff you're going through that is exhausting, having such worrisome thoughts all day must also be quite an exhausting strain.

 

My DS has suffered from obsessive thoughts from time to time and, honestly, these thoughts become more intrusive and more of an issue when he's not compelled to use his mind for other, more constructive purposes. As I recall, you are suffering from chronic fatigue and house- and/or bed-ridden much of the time, so that probably creates quite a "playground" for your OCD mind to go to town on!

 

Obsessive thinking has been one of the hardest manifestations of OCD we've had to face with our DS as so many exposure exercises (ERP) fail to root it out successfully. What does finally seem to break the chain . . . the hold that these thoughts can have over him . . . is to dedicate his mind to other constructive endeavors. Even if you're physically not up to much, have you tried crosswords, Words with Friends, Sudoku, word hunts, reading, etc., even if only for brief periods?

 

I also wonder if, given your "ability" to fixate on certain thoughts and worries, if maybe you couldn't channel that talent for "good" and take up meditation? Or even some sort of visualization exercises and affirmations to help you improve your feelings of self-worth, mental and emotional control, etc. I might suggest some books and/or workbook series by authors such as Shakti Gawain or Sonia Choquette. Each of these "spiritual" authors focus on providing you with tools to enhance your inherent skills of intuition, mindfulness, focus, etc., and the workbooks I've used from time to time include brief "thinking" exercises that put your brain to good uses, visualizing strengths, opportunities, etc.

 

Hang in there. I'm sorry everything is such a struggle right now, but it can and will get better. You're not giving up, and that alone is commendable. You just need some more support and an ability to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

[tenyearswithpans]

I have that problem to with the add part of me my bain is wondering from one thing to another and sometimes we All have weird day dreams or thoughts then the ocd immediately wants to stick to it. The only approach that works good for me. If you look it up we have no control over all of our thoughts nobody does. We can concentrate our minds to think about different things but not one person has full control so with this I like to take the mindfulness approach. You can't control everything that goes on especially when we have a problem so with that. Go into situations that cause these thoughts let them go crazy and just keep telling yourself it's not me it's no big deal because they don't change me and if I could I would think about something else. As you start gradually and the more you accept them (because they are not yours ) the less they will keep bothering you eventually but it does take time.

[Guest]

I have that problem to with the add part of me my bain is wondering from one thing to another and sometimes we All have weird day dreams or thoughts then the ocd immediately wants to stick to it. The only approach that works good for me. If you look it up we have no control over all of our thoughts nobody does. We can concentrate our minds to think about different things but not one person has full control so with this I like to take the mindfulness approach. You can't control everything that goes on especially when we have a problem so with that. Go into situations that cause these thoughts let them go crazy and just keep telling yourself it's not me it's no big deal because they don't change me and if I could I would think about something else. As you start gradually and the more you accept them (because they are not yours ) the less they will keep bothering you eventually but it does take time.

Thanks. I do try to combat the thoughts ALL THE TIME, and it ends up being WWIII in my brain every single ding dang day. It's maddening.

 

Do you have any suggestions for learning mindfulness?