parenting q -- tablet or no tablet?

[pr40]

in general we are averse to children on computers but screen is one of the things that makes our ds5 engrossed. now, if he did not have PANS, I would have no problem of getting an I-pad for him in hope that he would leave it in two and a half weeks. Unfortunately, I don't think we can expect that given his OCD tendencies.

So, I want to ask about your experiences with electronic gadgets. do your kids benefit from them? and if so, what are your rules?

Edited March 24, 2013 by pr40

[nicklemama]

Benefits? Well, it certainly helps keep him occupied and calm when he's in a bad flare. The downside, the OCD part of it. It can be difficult to get him off it. When he's doing really well, its not a problem. When he's flaring, it can be problematic. When he's exacerbating, its a help and a problem. He has an iPod touch, not a tablet but its the same thing, only smaller.

 

Rules are no ipod at the table at home. We let him use it at restaurants. We monitor the time but we have a home "screen time" policy rather than a specific iPod policy.

 

I sometimes wish we didn't have it and I am sometimes very grateful we do. I know this is of absolutely no help.

[MomWithOCDSon]

Screens have always been a part of our DS' life. DH and I do our work on computers, so they've always been around him, and he's developed some mad skills where they're concerned. He doesn't have a tablet of his own, but he borrows mine from time to time, and he has a desktop computer of his own along with a laptop (Netbook) issued by and intended for school.

 

Our house rules are pretty simple and common. No screens for play until/unless school work is done. If he's out of sorts or struggling with some OCD, screens are among the mix for those privileges which may be restricted until he gains better control. And no screens at the dinner table, none a half hour before bedtime, and none after "lights out".

[Missmom]

I see them as a tool to help my ds focus and concentrate. The only difficult part for me is to deny the violent / mature rated games. Most of the boys at school have these games and this is what they all get on the x-box live and Internet and play. My son already feels insecure with all that he has going on that he just wants to be like all the other boys. If I deny him these violent games then he just feels even more different. But as far as just regular games or monitored Internet usage, I encourage it except for dinner time or other family activities.

[airial95]

My 5 year old is video game obsessed - particularly play-station. We have used it as a tool rather than a crutch. We have also had numerous discussions with our ped about the pros and cons, and he's indicated that more and more studies are saying that kids with autism like symptoms can actually BENEFIT from video games. Here were some of the things we came up with:

 

Pros - it has DRASTICALLY improved his fine motor skills. This was a kid who refused to color because he was so far behind, now he's on par with his age.

Cons - it does wholly engross him and is a fixation. Tough to get him to go do something else.

Pros - it wholly engrosses - when in a bad flare, this can be a lifesaver!!! It can keep him from rages and fixations on things he can't control.

Pros - we use it as an incentive. For example - getting dressed in the morning is always a big deal for us (sensory), he is not allowed to play video games in the AM until he is COMPLETELY ready for school - that means, dressed, socks and shoes (BIG deal), breakfast eaten, teeth brushed and all meds taken (even BIGGER deal). Some days it's not much of an incentive (when things are bad) - but we hold fast, have even put him on the bus kicking and screaming becuase he didn't get everything done in time to earn any VG time. This works for other high anxiety times of the day as well (ie meal times) - VG's get turned off until he does whatever task is at hand. So rather than restrict it (which I think would work for older kids) - we make him earn time.

Pros - we used earning a handheld as an incentive for taking meds when this was at the height of anxiety for him (he would vomit at the thought - literally). He would earn a star for each med/supplement he had to take throughout the day. When he earned 200 stars, he could get his PS Vita. He was so proud of himself every day for overcoming his anxiety to earn his stars - it really was a good incentive.

Pros - we have adapted "themes" from his favorite video games into everyday life to help with tasks. For example - every one of his supplements/meds are named after a weapon in his favorite game "Ratchet and Clank", it was a great learning excercise too, because we named each one based on what the medicine does for his PANDAS. For eample - rifampin = RYNO, the RYNO is the mega weapon that wipes out everything with one shot - the rifampin is the big guns hoping to wipe out his strep. The melatonin = cryotizer (freeze gun), because it "freezes" his brain to help him sleep. Motrin = Mr. Zurkon, the friendly robot that follows you killing bad guys as the pop up - but only if you need him to.

Pros - he's learning, even when they're not educational games. It's helped alot with his reading and problem solving skills too. You should see him figure out a challenging level. He has even thought to ask us to google for tips to find things around the game (gold bolts, hidden items, etc...) And on a multiplayer game recently, he figured out a plan, splitting up tasks among the two of us to achieve the goal - and it was complex - something I wouldn't have expected out of a 5 year old (heck, I couldn't really figure it out myself!). And many of the games have a lot of text to read - far beyond 5 year old reading skills and comprehension - yet he does it no problem.

 

For us - the video game fixations come and go. It's really only an issue when he's in a flare. We can tell things are starting to get better when he asks me or his sister to play with him, or offers her a turn entirely. When he's not in a flare, he'd rather be outside or playing something else - will go days/weeks without any video games. So we don't worry too much about it when he's in a bad place. It's a coping mechanism, and we allow it as best we can. We do try to force him to take turns on the TV with is sister, so she can watch some regular TV here or there (otherwise it's nothing but VG's) and that's a good CBT/ERP thing when he's bad, he has to wait til the timer dings before it's his turn again - live with the anxiety of it.

 

It's tough - because it goes against everything we (DH and I) believe as parents, but we're not dealing with normal kids, so we have to abandon some of our ideas of how the world should work! Hope this helps.

Edited March 25, 2013 by airial95

[dcmom]

PR40- IMHO five years old is WAY TOO young for a tablet of his own- if that is what you mean. Now, if you mean to say you want to purchase a "family" tablet and let him have time on it- that is different.

 

I am lucky in the sense that having two girls, the whole video game and electronic thing has not been an issue (so far). We did not get video games until a few months ago (at husband's whim) and my girls are 9 and 12. In my opinion if they are not asking for them (which mine didn't) it is best not to get them. OCD or no, I have seen many (mostly) boys get totally sucked into electronic games. My twelve year old got an ipad for her birthday this year. It has worked well- our rules are similar Nancy's: no ipad until homework is done, and no ipad in her room at night- I also don't allow ipad marathons (if you know what I mean). Instagram is the "facebook" for her age, a little is fun- too much is not healthy.

 

I do think, however, that computers will be a huge part of their future- and that means embracing them early on. We have always had a "family" computer, and they have been allowed time on it daily if/when they wanted- in the family room/ kitchen, for limited time. It can be a good behavior tool in that way- your son is young, but I would think it would be a "no computer until homework and chore is done" kinda thing. For a five year old- maybe it is a "clean up your toys" and then you can use the computer for 20 minutes (while you cook dinner).

 

I think teaching your child to have a healthy relationship with electronics is a lifelong gift to them (of course it may all go to pot if their child contracts a rare chronic disorder)- it is a balance- not totally forbidding it- but allowing reasonable amounts.

 

and oy- I am TOTALLY against those violent video games and really wish our culture/ society would have the strength and conviction (not to outlaw them) to not buy them. I think the old saying or thought- if you wouldn't share this with your grandma- maybe it is wrong (or whatever). BUT- I don't have boys, so I totally get how hard it is to go against society.

[Hopeny]

Though I think 5 may be a bit young, we bought DD (8 at the time) an IPAD for Chanukah. After everything she had been through I wanted to get her something really special, she is very into making movies especially imovie and that wouldn't run on her ipod touch. She was over the moon about it but does use it way too much. I had it inscribed with "Don't worry, be happy"

[EmilyK]

Similar to airial95 we see pros and cons and it goes against my original parenting inclination of strict screen time limits. My son definitely gets obsessed over them but they can really help manage a flare and expected anxiety-provoking event. We do limit time on phone games, the kindle, the xbox but we also encourage learning games and typing work. It's a great incentive too. For example, I always bring the kindle to dr visits where we will have a long wait since that would surely provoke an anxiety meltdown if not managed.

[4Nikki]

Computer technologies are tools. They happen to be a big part of my professional life and as a result I have many around the home. There are appropriate ways to use them and inappropriate ways to use them. Just as Knives are also tools. My daughter started having PANS symtoms 5 months ago. She threw her tablet many times and how it survived so many viloent throws a mystery until one time it didn't. My inclination was not to replace it knowing that the replament would end up in the same state but because of other technologies around the home, I felt the need to replaced it.

 

There are many cases that will protect them, just do a search for ipad cases for kids. I went with seperate insurance because I didn't want to mix the home insurance.

 

One unintend result, In trying to help my daughter self manage her seemably uncontrollable episodes. She has learned to try not to keep anything in her hands when an epesode is comming. Most of the time now she lies down in her bed until the feeling pass.

[T_Anna]

My DS is much older at 14 (almost 15) VG are a huge part if his social world, especially since he is in such a bad shape. His buddies come over on weekends and days off and play as well as his younger brother's friends. I must admit that we are struggling with limits on the ipad at night. But that he can also go days without playing VG. His phone he explained is his link to his friends so we generally leave that one alone.

 

T.Anna

[smartyjones]

found it!! when you posted this, i wanted to respond b/c i went to a fabulous lecture last fall sponsored by a local school. it was called "new generations of high-tech youth: how we teach them and parent them" -- but b/c my notes are on paper, i didn't know where they were. couldn't even find a quick link of the speaker's name until i came across the brochure (paper ) today.

 

though more general to kids, not specifically concerning kids with special needs, the sponsoring school is a private school that caters to kids with learning differences.

 

the speaker was great -- great insights from his professional life and personal life concerning today's technology, the generational differences and social impacts -- the good, the bad and the ugly. he also had some really cool research about the effects of screens on the brain -- again, more in a 'normal' brain but you can kind of understand those effects and extrapolate to what we think is going on in a pans brain

 

he is a professor and you can find info at http://drlarryrosen.com/. though not specifically addressing your question about pans and screens, you may find some good advice.

Edited April 2, 2013 by smartyjones