Fingers in my ears, singing "La, la, la!"

[MomWithOCDSon]

So, week 1 of sophomore year of high school went well for DS; he's got great classes, from what we can tell really good teachers, a case manager he knows, likes and trusts, and a terrific, "can do" attitude. There were a couple of bumps, one being that he has a lunch period in which he doesn't really have any good friends, but we're encouraging him to rise to the challenge, strike out a bit and maybe make a new friend or two. Socially he's pretty shy, but he's working on extending himself more and more. He made it through the whole week without any major drama or trauma, and he even invited a friend to come over Friday night and hang out, which was a first (for the first half of last year, Friday night was "meltdown night," in which he'd lose it after holding it together at school all week).

 

But tonight, man, it was all I could do to not send him to the basement and then turn the key on the lock for a bit. Oh, the reasssurance questions! Mom, are you sure I did enough homework. Mom, I think I might've forgotten to write down some assignments. Mom, I feel like I should read that one handout again. Mom, I feel like I'm forgetting something.

 

I finally told him, after working hard on his homework assignments for the past two days, he deserved some downtime to recharge and prepare for the coming week. But he wanted me to repeat those instructions again and again. At which point I told him I wasn't going to repeat it and feed the OCD monster 'cause it just made the monster hungrier, so stop asking me. But he kept asking until I threatened to send him to shower and bed immediately, and that'd be the end of his downtime.

 

All's quiet now . . . he's downstairs on his computer, working on some computer graphic designs. Not a peep from him since the Big Threat. But geez! I'm trying to hang on to my gratitude for the continual growth and improvement he's demonstrating, but it gets hard when the OCD Monster kidnaps my son from time to time, still.

[dcmom]

Can so relate

 

But you know, both you and he are up for this! I find with my kids that sometimes they can "revert" a little to old behaviors in times of stress. For us, it doesn't really mean full-blown ocd, or a pandas episode- but more like what you described- a night of anxiety or worry.

 

Our psych told us that ocd is a lot about anxiety about "handling" things that happen. Like in other words- let him know he can "handle" it if he goes to school next week and it wasn't enough homework?

 

We had this last week with soccer camp. DD was loving it all week, until they got to shooting (which she says she is no good at). She was so anxious about going on the last day, because apparently the soccer instructors liked to announce winners and losers of the game (lovely!). She was SURE she would be the "loser". (fear of embarrassment is a big ocd trigger for her) So instead of trying to reassure her that she wouldn't be the loser- I told her she most likely would be the loser (if she was not able to shoot as she said)- but that she could handle it- she could handle the embarrassment.

 

She is about 100%, and has no ocd or anxiety now (thinks she has outgrown pandas, from her lips to god's ears). But- this "loser" thing at soccer really touched some deep nerve, that brought back some of this anxiety. The difference is, she went to soccer the next day, she didn't avoid it. And you know what- she was like one goal short of being the "winner" and the coach told her she was a great shooter.

 

I'm thinking he'll even out on his own..... Hang in there!

[Missmom]

Ha,ha,ha..... I know the feeling, I just seem to wonder which side of the bed my ds will wake up on each day. His tics have been pretty bad this past week but attitude has been excellent.... Just don't understand, he has OFFERED to mop my floors, vacuumed the carpets, sweep inside and out, clean my windows, and cook several meals himself...... Who is this boy? Then he goes on to tell my husband. " dad, mom really does work hard". WOW! If only those darn tics would stop it would be perfection......

[LNN]

As you've said, old habit die hard. I'm hoping he was ok this morning. Look at the bright side - I can't imagine my DS ever worrying about whether he did enough school work. His is more of "Did I do enough to get by?" approach. So at least your DSs bad habit is a productive one, even if it does drive you nuts! I do like E's approach - remind him he'll never be able to do enough and he's doomed to fail every class. Maybe that will put a smile back on his face

[MomWithOCDSon]

Thanks, guys! Well, DS is nothing if not resilient. Left for school this morning with a big smile on his face again! Thank goodness he truly LOVES school!

 

E, you're so right! I have told him many times that he'll NEVER feel as though he's done enough because that's a part of who he is . . . conscientious to a fault. But your "you'll handle it" language, in particular, resonates, and DH and I need to remember to use that specific terminology with him more. We all went as a family to a talk Dr. Patrick McGrath of Alexian Brothers Center for Anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder gave at the IOCDF conference this year, and he used that exact term. He reminded us to never tell a person with OCD that "You'll be fine, " or "It'll be okay," because, for that anxious person, if things don't, in their mind, go "fine" or "okay," it'll just feed the anxiety. Rather, the mantra should be: "You can handle it."

 

He also had some memorable things to say about the word "should," as in: Stop "shoulding" all over my office!, i.e., take the word "should" out of your vocabulary. So now, when DS comes into the living room to ask DH or me if he "should" do something, we tell him we don't appreciate him "shoulding" all over our couch!

[LaurenK]

does he go to CBT? That could help with the residual stuff, but he needs to realize that he's having a problem and he needs to take the step and say that he needs to go. (not you pushing him) or it might not be as effective.

[MomWithOCDSon]

does he go to CBT? That could help with the residual stuff, but he needs to realize that he's having a problem and he needs to take the step and say that he needs to go. (not you pushing him) or it might not be as effective.

 

Oh yes, he goes to therapy. But old habits do die hard, as LLM has said, and he was contending with his OCD for 6 years before we discovered PANDAS and got the medical interventions he rightfully should've had initially. So we've got a little more of a hill to climb in our house. We're getting there, it's just a steep route!