Impulse control issues?

[lmkmip67]

I know my son, Ian, is very highly functioning even with PANDAS. But sometimes it is hard to pick out what is PANDAS and what is IAN or just an 8 year old boy. Does anyone else deal with their child having impulse control issues? Ian will just say things without thinking sometimes. He is also a comedian, by nature. I know that is all Ian. He likes to make other kids laugh. Sometimes he gets hyper and will just say things without thinking. he hurt the feelings of one of his friend's on his hockey team tonight when the told him, "Oh yeah, well Cole is a better goalie than you!" And I know Ian, he didn't mean to hurt his friend's feelings. It just comes out sometimes. We talked about it and he felt really bad, will apologize at the next game. But I do wonder if it is the age, or the PANDAS sometimes. He will also do things if he thinks it will get a rise out of his friends. He is a good kid though,and a very good friend. He just doesn't always think....

 

Lisa

[ptcgirl]

Interestingly, my DD12 lost her "filter" when she got PANDAS (at 7). That was one of the first things we noticed. It was like her common sense went out the window! She started saying exactly what she thought of friends, family, teachers, etc to our faces. No tactful filter anymore. Just all came out. Even though she is much older now and has dealt with this for over 4 years (can't believe it has been going on this long...), she still struggles with it. I think it must have a lot to do with just so much going on in her head that she just doesn't have any more room for thinking about what she thinks before she speaks.

[911RN]

Ditto for us--he thinks it, he says it- particularly with a flare. Can sound like he has no filter, almost rude at times although, those that know him well knows it is not being rude at all. Yes, it is not the best trait for socialization skills:(

Just impulsive, compulsive in nature. Share your pain!

[lmkmip67]

Interesting. That is it exactly. he thinks it, he says it. Amazingly Ian has more friends than he has time for now. He is more social than anyone I know, so far it doesn't seem to be affecting his ability to make friends. he can be very rude with us. I have friends that tell me their child of the same is is like that too, but I just think it is different. I have worked with kids my whole like and I just feel some of his behavior is not as it would normally be, if you know what I mean.

[mar]

This sounds like dd who is 7. She is very impulsive. There were several times were I told her to not go into the neighbors house and play outside. Ds would say that when they invited her in she says my mom does not want me to go in b/c she thinks you guys are sick. How embarrassing! Even ds was really embarrassed. Just the other day she wants to go outside ok. Can I go by neighbors yes I say but play outside b/c it's nice out. So neighbor says do you want to come in and she says my mom won't let me!! Really you tell me in the house that you want to ride your bike and then you sneak over there and make he look crazy. Ds says she does this all the time. She is a comedian also. She messes around to make people laugh. She has many friends and is a pretty and bright girl but does things that infuriate me or make me wonder. There is a 4 yr old she plays with on the block which she specifically knows is afraid of the dark. So they go in the Basement and dd will run up and turn the lights off on her. Of course the girl is screaming and I ask dd why. She says I thought she was behind me but I know she is lying. She has done this several times to this little girl and when I ask why she looks at me like I didn't do anything., so I played her game the other day when she is upstairs getting dressed and screams saying she heard something. I say really there is nothing up there and you are 7 and not 4 like your friend. I say wow i guess that's how your friend feels like when you turn the lights out on her. She looks at me and doesn't know what to say. I feel like I have to tell her to stop touching or doing something several tomes before she stops. She always has tk touch it or do it one more time.

Mar.

[lmkmip67]

This sounds like dd who is 7. She is very impulsive. There were several times were I told her to not go into the neighbors house and play outside. Ds would say that when they invited her in she says my mom does not want me to go in b/c she thinks you guys are sick. How embarrassing! Even ds was really embarrassed. Just the other day she wants to go outside ok. Can I go by neighbors yes I say but play outside b/c it's nice out. So neighbor says do you want to come in and she says my mom won't let me!! Really you tell me in the house that you want to ride your bike and then you sneak over there and make he look crazy. Ds says she does this all the time. She is a comedian also. She messes around to make people laugh. She has many friends and is a pretty and bright girl but does things that infuriate me or make me wonder. There is a 4 yr old she plays with on the block which she specifically knows is afraid of the dark. So they go in the Basement and dd will run up and turn the lights off on her. Of course the girl is screaming and I ask dd why. She says I thought she was behind me but I know she is lying. She has done this several times to this little girl and when I ask why she looks at me like I didn't do anything., so I played her game the other day when she is upstairs getting dressed and screams saying she heard something. I say really there is nothing up there and you are 7 and not 4 like your friend. I say wow i guess that's how your friend feels like when you turn the lights out on her. She looks at me and doesn't know what to say. I feel like I have to tell her to stop touching or doing something several tomes before she stops. She always has tk touch it or do it one more time.

Mar.

 

She sounds so much like Ian! lol Ian does the thing too when he has to do something one more time or I have to tell him a million times before he will stop. Drives me batty!

[airial95]

I have impulse control problems with both of my PANDAS kids, and it is hard to tell what is my son being a typical 4 year old boy, and what is PANDAS. With my daughter, it's more clear, when she's having a flare, her teacher reports that she can't stop just calling out in class - often answers or things that are lesson related, but also completely random and unrelated thoughts - again, like she's missing the filter.

 

I think the thing to remember is that the basal ganglia does play a role in impulse control - and that's the area of the brain that is basically under attack in our kids. So it makes some sense to me that impulse control goes hand in hand with our PANDAS kids.

[thenmama]

Yes! I see this with both of my kids. "Think before you speak/act" has become a mantra around here... And we really emphasize "the golden rule" in our home (which we alternately refer to as "Do unto Otters" b/c we have a picture book with that title). I'll sometimes just use the word "otter" as a prompt, or like a secret code in the presence of others, if I notice a kid needs to be reminded.

 

I think the impulsivity and compulsivity manifest in multiple flavors. Some of it really is a simple filter loss-- like the "you probably shouldn't say/do that" screen has come off and there's just open flow for the cringe-worthy. That filter loss is also sometimes paired, quite unfortunately, with social anxiety and a tendency toward nervous chatter. Yikes!

 

We've tried implementing guidelines to follow for speaking-- like take 3 deep breaths or count to 5 (or 10) before saying anything-- with mixed results. We've also tried talking about both specific and general social situations in advance and setting some parameters for speech and behavior in those situations. For example: limit your responses to others' questions to 2-3 sentences, apply a similar limit to a particular topic (like the one the child defaults to talking about when nervous), only talk about X topic a certain number of times, if someone is too close to you reposition yourself and how you're facing them and stand with your hips shifted back a little and one leg out to maintain the distance you need, etc. Oh, and of course we need to (re-)state the obvious, for example, never comment on how a person smells! I also emphasize the "if you can't say something nice" principle.

 

Sometimes, though, it is more OCD driven and in those cases the questionable/inappropriate thing that is blurted out is really either an OCD-driven compulsion to say/do that particular thing, or part of that fight or flight/strong reaction to the fear or stimulus. Another variation of this can be when the child has an OCD issue, say fears around doing something "wrong" or "bad" or about truthfulness, precision, or lying (one of mine used to worry about responses she gave, fearing she may not be totally accurate, or might accidentally lie). When the child with that type of OCD fear is in a situation that would require him or her to answer questions that would require a bit of diplomacy, s/he may not be able to pull it off because the OCD is driving the response. Any fallout caused by the lapse of manners/tact is not as frightening as whatever the OCD is threatening them with. In that case, we treat it like OCD and practice ERP.

 

Still other times, I notice this sort of thing as an expression of heightened sensory sensitivities (which I think can elicit a similar fight or flight type response). My little guy is hypersensitive to smells right now and he's constantly letting rude, obnoxious comments fly because of it. "Ewww! What's that stinky smell? Is it you?" or "X [insert person, place, thing] smells sooo bad!" Pair this with the boy's volume control issues (lately he can't get below a five on his "volume dial" and typically he's upwards of 7-- it goes to ten) and we've just got walking, blaring rudeness...

 

When I am trying to address a behavior with my kids I first try to step back and look at the big picture and for any patterns that may be present, and/or I'll talk to my child to see if I can get at what's driving the behavior. Then I can address the underlying issue instead of its symptoms (the individual incidents).

 

HTH

Edited June 7, 2012 by thenmama

[mar]

I understand what you saying. I have dd who is very impulsive and will basically lie to my face. It's interesting b/c I can tell now when she is lieing but oh my she is good! Here is a good example, I made homemade pancakes the other day she wants another throughout the day I say okay take one and safe the rest for breakfast. She has had several throughout the day. So I folding laundry while she pops in into the microwave and as I go to get it she says " did I accidentally put two in there". I say you put two in there and she says really how did I do that. I did not notice that. Really she lies straight to my face. I say you didn't know that? She says no I didn't realize it!!!! She is completely lieing to me. And then I have ds who is the complete opposite and never lies. He feels happy when he is telling the truth. He is bothered if he lies to me.