Hi,
This is for gypsykingthing and xcherithx. I have asperger's syndrome. I am a female. What I can affirm for you, is that for most people with asperger's syndrome emotions of other people are like an invisible obstacle course that we just have a hard time seeing (obviously) and therefore navigating. I am not trying to be harsh when I say this, but if you can't accept your signifigant other whose brain is wired like this, you should seek a relationship with someone who is neurotypical. All of your attempting to fix, and fuss over someone who cannot help that their brain processes information differently, is exhausting to people with Asperger's syndrome.
Relationships for me are difficult with me having AS by default, as I cannot seem to intuitively get them, or find meaning in some of the rituals associated with them. Neurotypical women are ESPECIALLY difficult to interact with as they are typically more emotional than males and like to gather to comfort each other about their feelings, which is very forgien and bizzare to me. Seeing that I am a female with Aspergers and feel this way, I can't even imagine what it must be like for a guy with Asperger's Syndrome in terms of the emotions of females. If you are interested in staying in your respective relationships, I recommend a book to you called: 22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome. Link here: http://www.amazon.com/Things-Woman-Must-Know-Aspergers/dp/1849058032
People with Asperger's Syndrome become very overwhelmed mentally with people who in their good intentions, are attempting to "help" us. It is not that we think we don't need the help; it's that it becomes more information added to the mix of everything else we are trying to process. We process information in pieces. For me anyway, the more peices that are added, the more everything overall starts to not make sense. I therefore become very frusterated with the person trying to "help" and at my inability to process all the pieces of information swirling around me. I cannot help this. It is the way my brain opperates, as is the case for most people with Asperger's Syndrome. I see that you are frusterated at being involved with someone who has Asperger's Syndrome. However, even though we may look normal; we have a neuro-developmental DISABILITY. I think most neurotypical people forget that, or they seem not to be willing to accept that. This causes much pain for us because somethings we just cannot do like neurotypicals can. It can really suck being on the other end, having Asperger's Syndrome and having a neurotypical who is so "grieved" and "stressed out" as a result of being around us. That feels like a dagger in my heart, because I cannot help the way my brain opperates, and that I have Asperger's Syndrome. I am just trying to get everything else that is going on around me, and other people, and me, and I just can't ever seem to arrive at "getting" life things the way a neurotypical does. Added to that, the stress of knowing that no matter how hard I try to understand others and what's going on, me and my disability are "stressing" specific people out, though that never ever is my intention. It's just another burden on our shoulders. Believe me, we are affected in a bad way by people who articulate that they are stressed out by us, even though we are not trying to do that. It hurts; because we will never be like you are. We may not be able to articulate our pain to you the way you would explain your pain to us; but it does affect us. It's not like wearing an outfit that I can change to better please people around me, it's like the color of my skin in the sense that I cannot change it. My disability is intertwined with who I am. I think it is wise, that if you cannot accept or tolerate with compassion the disability of the person you are with, and the person, it is better that you look for someone who will act and think more like you. It may be tough to be around someone who has Asperger's Syndrome, but it is also tough to have Asperger's Syndrome, miss a lot of things and know that it is "tough" for you to be around us, because of how our disability causes us to be.