nell

Hi, im a 17 and a girl and i feel i have very similar problems to you, it was nice to read what you had writen it didnt make me feel so alone and wierd! Ive had OCD since i was about 13/14 I always have to wash my hands, touch walls, turn lights switches on and off.. theres loads of things. I also get unwanted thoughts of girls in my head, and i worry all the time that people might think im a lesbian or i may say something by mistake that people could think i am or fancy a girl. Thr truth is though im beginging to think i am Bi, i dont want to be but i think i just feel more comfortable with girls. Im pretty sure i also have body dismorphic disorder - it sounds wierd but it depends on the kind of lighting im in, it can either make me feel really pretty and better than everyone else, or really really ugly and discusting. I used to love going shopping but over the last year vie dreaded it more and more i hate the lighting in the changing rooms! All the the girls at the cashier are always so pretty, and i also dont like paying because i think they will think im ugly. I hate my face and my overbite - ive been told i will ned an operation on my jaw, so i figuered it must be really bad!! I also hate my nose its too big and also im only a tiny size (UK) 6 i dont like my body, its actualy to skinny and i look like a 12 year ol, although i do feel my hips are far to big and not in proportiton. People tell me im pretty and could be a model but i dont believe them i jsut feel there saying that to make me feel better and shut up. I also find it hard to leave the house unless i feel as happy as i can be about the way i look, and my make-up, clothes look perfect, or else ill spent the day worrying aobut the way i look. Ive thought quite a few times too about killing myself, i hate living like this i jsut wish i could be normal. Would be realy great to hear back from you