My mother is very ill - DS is VERY close to her

[tantrums]

My DS is 6. He is VERY close to my parents. Part of his OCD is fear of people being sick and dying. My mother is currently in ICU with a brain hemmorage and blood clots in her lungs. He was supposed to go to their house this weekend. His birthday is in two weeks. Also, Tball will be ending and due to her being ill, she hasn't made it to any games and won't. She should be okay. Honestly, I can't even think of the alternative myself right now. It's not good for sure, but she is only 68. Not really in good health overall, but receiving good care. She should be in the hospital at least 2 weeks and then going to rehab for a couple of months they are projecting.

 

Carter is going to notice her missing from all of these events. He luckily forgot he was supposed to got there this weekend as we told him he was going with us to a concert on Saturday and he is excited. But my dad is going to come to Tball alone - he will notice. And to not have her at his birthday, he will know something is wrong.

 

My mother said today we need to "make up a story" to tell him. Granted, she is a little foggy right now. But then, I wonder - is she NOT that far off base? I don't know what to say, so I have not told him anything. I can't exactly just not tell him anything for months or he is likely to assume she is dead in his mind. He has done that with other, various relatives and had major freak outs over it. I hope to get away with "grandma isn't feeling well right now" and leave it at that. But he's a persistent little bugger

 

Any suggestions? Has anyone been in a situation anything like this? Oh and she also has MRSA so even if I thought it might be a good idea, I dont' think visiting her would be feasible.

[matis_mom]

My DS is 6. He is VERY close to my parents. Part of his OCD is fear of people being sick and dying. My mother is currently in ICU with a brain hemmorage and blood clots in her lungs. He was supposed to go to their house this weekend. His birthday is in two weeks. Also, Tball will be ending and due to her being ill, she hasn't made it to any games and won't. She should be okay. Honestly, I can't even think of the alternative myself right now. It's not good for sure, but she is only 68. Not really in good health overall, but receiving good care. She should be in the hospital at least 2 weeks and then going to rehab for a couple of months they are projecting.

 

Carter is going to notice her missing from all of these events. He luckily forgot he was supposed to got there this weekend as we told him he was going with us to a concert on Saturday and he is excited. But my dad is going to come to Tball alone - he will notice. And to not have her at his birthday, he will know something is wrong.

 

My mother said today we need to "make up a story" to tell him. Granted, she is a little foggy right now. But then, I wonder - is she NOT that far off base? I don't know what to say, so I have not told him anything. I can't exactly just not tell him anything for months or he is likely to assume she is dead in his mind. He has done that with other, various relatives and had major freak outs over it. I hope to get away with "grandma isn't feeling well right now" and leave it at that. But he's a persistent little bugger

 

Any suggestions? Has anyone been in a situation anything like this? Oh and she also has MRSA so even if I thought it might be a good idea, I dont' think visiting her would be feasible.

I am so sorry to hear your situation. Hoping your mom will bounce right back!

Just two thoughts:

1) Yes, you are right, not a good idea to be visit while she has MRSA. Staph can definitely be a trigger.

2) How about bringing a laptop to the hospital so she can "talk" to him over the computer? When she is able to, of course.

I don't know that I would make up a story (like a trip to Hawaii or something), at six he is probably picking up more than you know and I think it is important to keep his trust. If, let's say, you make up something and then he discovers it was a not true, he might have a hard time trusting you when you are trying to reassure him about other things. He might just start worrying any time anyone goes on a trip, who knows!

Anyway, it is a hard decision, and probably the last thing you need when you are worried about your mom. Hope everything goes well and your mom recovers quickly!

 

Isabel

[tantrums]

Yes, I'm afraid that if I'm caught in a lie, it will only make it worse. He IS very smart (although he did just qualify for special ed this week based on his medical needs/TS) and he knows more than we give him credit for. I wouldn't say she was on a trip, but she said we should tell him her knees are bothering her. He knows she has bad knees. I think I will just stick with a vague "not feeling well" and hope that's enough.

 

Thanks for the idea! We will try the computer once she is at rehab and feeling a bit better. That will surely help him a lot. Even a phone call actually, which I hadn't thought of. Before she was in the hospital, she had a very altered mental status and I was uneasy with him talking to her. Hopefully that will remain stable now and we can at least do that once she can speak more clearly.

[kimballot]

I think we all do best when we think we have some control over the situation or we can help in some way. Can he make grandma cards, gifts, little movies to watch? That way he can be helping her to feel better while she is sick.

 

The idea of the bringing the laptop and having them talk to each other is great - never thought of that!

 

I would avoid making up a little story. I think it will come back to bite you in the end.

[Suzan]

I am very sorry about what your mom is going through. I hope she will improve. I would have the same issues with my girls. I like the suggestions so far. Just wanted to give you some cyber hugs.

 

Susan