Parent's Behavior (alcohol mentioned)

[Suzan]

Anyone else feel they can't enjoy a glass of wine or a beer without having to hide if from your pandas kid(s)?

 

dd8 is so worried about breaking the rules or being around any drugs or alcohol that she seems to watch my every move. At a young age she was watching my speed on the road and would ask me if I was speeding. She questions if I buy beer or wine as if she was the parent and I'm the under age teenager. She told her classroom I drank TWO whole bottles of wine on the plane. I did, each bottle was one glass and I was on vacation.

 

I struggle between wanting to be a good role model and not drink anything at all and wanting to be the grownup and being allowed to drink some wine or beer without "mom" checking up on me. Then I feel like I must have a problem if I feel like I need to hide it from her. But she is uncomfortable around this and can I blame her for that? Thank goodness I quit smoking years before she was born!!

 

Susan

[simplygina]

Anyone else feel they can't enjoy a glass of wine or a beer without having to hide if from your pandas kid(s)?

 

dd8 is so worried about breaking the rules or being around any drugs or alcohol that she seems to watch my every move. At a young age she was watching my speed on the road and would ask me if I was speeding. She questions if I buy beer or wine as if she was the parent and I'm the under age teenager. She told her classroom I drank TWO whole bottles of wine on the plane. I did, each bottle was one glass and I was on vacation.

 

I struggle between wanting to be a good role model and not drink anything at all and wanting to be the grownup and being allowed to drink some wine or beer without "mom" checking up on me. Then I feel like I must have a problem if I feel like I need to hide it from her. But she is uncomfortable around this and can I blame her for that? Thank goodness I quit smoking years before she was born!!

 

Susan

 

Oh yes, my 10 year old son is a rule follower and plans to NEVER drink alcohol! Which is fine by me and I plan to remind him of that every day he is in college! I remind him that alcohol is legal at 21 years of age and is VERY bad for growing bodies. I also showed him a study or two that indicates 1-2 drinks is actually good for an adult. Now if I could get him to realize that soda is far worse for him that a glass or two of wine is for me, I'd be all set!

 

I'm not really a big drinker, half the time I open a beer and leave it sitting somewhere after taking a few sips, but I am a proud member of the Facebook group "OMG I so need a glass of wine or I'm gonna sell my kids" There is something stress relieving to me about pouring the drink, even if I don't end up drinking it and more so if I do! A symbolic act that says, "OK, I'm officially done stressing out!" that helps me get through the rest of the evening. I don't open a drink every night, but there are those days that would drive anyone to drink.

 

He does know that being healthy is really important to me. I work out pretty much every day, work part time at a gym and eat really healthy 90% of the time. I also read a lot of books about healthy living, so I'm often quoting health facts and teaching him about healthy foods and habits. So he doesn't give me too hard of a time these days. Luckily he hasn't asked about the things I did as a teenager yet! I haven't been really "wasted" in years because I can't handle the resulting hang-over, which got so much worse once I hit 30! But if I do think there will be much drinking going on at any given event I find a sitter for the kids. I don't feel having a drink with dinner is a bad example, but I don't want them to see adults "partying" in front of them either.

[MomWithOCDSon]

Our DS13 is a bit of a "policeman," too, and it makes us chuckle most of the time. But sometimes, when you try to explain the subtleties of why what one person is chosing to do at this particular time is okay, while what another person might chose to do another is not, it feels a little shady as a parent, doesn't it? Like you're splitting hairs or equivocating, sending a mixed message.

 

In our case, though, I really see this as an extension of DS's OCD scrupulosity. He can be so guilt-ridden himself at times, it makes him the ultimate rule-follower, and then he expects that of all the people around him that he looks up to and admires.

 

He had a serious crisis of conscience one evening watching a talk show and realizing that the lead singer of his favorite band has (and, quite frankly, probably does still) smoke(d) pot. We were doing some fancy footwork over that one, I can tell you; "You don't have to admire EVERYTHING about a person in order to enjoy certain aspects of them. Maybe you don't want to be like him in all ways, but you can admire his ability to make great music."

 

DH and I will share the better part of a bottle of wine about once a week with dinner, and I think, maybe because of his age, he's able to distinguish the difference between drinking and drinking in excess. I'm sure it's harder at younger ages, but you're still entitled to a glass of wine (or even a martini ) now and again. And I don't think I'd hide it because that might actually inadvertently validate her concern that it's wrong. I think, as you demonstrate that it is just a beverage for you, that you are not altering your behavior dramatically or failing to address her needs by virtue of having a glass or two, she will relax more about it. JMHO!

[thereishope]

My son would "police" speed in the car and the use of seatbelts. As for alcohol, I don't like wine and hard liquor goes in a regular glass. So he never knows anyway!

[simplygina]

My son would "police" speed in the car and the use of seatbelts. As for alcohol, I don't like wine and hard liquor goes in a regular glass. So he never knows anyway!

 

 

I was thinking last night in bed that my son is more of a traffic cop than health monitor! He is always asking me how fast I'm going and commenting if other vehicles speed past us. His brother likes to fool around with the un-used middle seat belt to make him think he's un-done his to watch the freak-out. I used to not allow the Gameboy in the car because I hoped we could have some nice conversation (I've read way too many parenting books I think because it just doesn't happen!) but realized he would just spend the whole ride a nervous wreck so I quickly reversed my ruling on that one!

 

On the up side, I may be delusional, but I don't worry too much about him doing drugs or being much of a party boy. He would never get past the worry and since he confesses EVERYTHING I would know about it right away! He'd probably call me right then to let me know he had a drink and to make sure he was going to be OK! My 7 year old on the other hand is already such a little "dude" I'm going to have to watch him.

 

I do however worry about his driving. I let him drive an ATV at our cabin each summer and I have to say, the kid has NO FEAR when he is the one in control. He's nutso on his bike, scooter and skateboard, but actually has some skill. He is a horrible driver on the ATV. Totally out to lunch and unaware of what else is going on around him. Luckily we have miles of empty soft sand beach for him to ride and practice on. And true to everything else about my kids, his brother is the opposite and a really really good driver!

[Suzan]

Thanks for the responses!

 

I agree about the policeman role. My dd's are bothered by alcohol, drugs, smoking, speeding or other traffic violations, crime of any kind, abuse, unfairness, guys who sag their pants (she thinks they must all be up to no good).... She's also bothered by people who are walking on the street who don't seem like they are going anywhere (??!)

 

I don't worry about her right now as far as getting into things she should not but since she's only 8, who knows by the time she's a teenager!

 

Susan