Is this OCD?

[Guest Argyle]

Hi There.

 

I know I have OCD/TS because i've been diagnosed with it several years ago. Recently though I think its on a rampage (mine is brought on by certain things, sometimes im symptom free, or just its minimal) But my current issue is with my girlfriend. When we werent serious I flirted/lead another girl on over a chatline, nothing ever happened, she tried to kiss me once but I backed away from the kiss. But I find myself constantly worrying the worst will happen that she will somehow find out what I said, and im always thinking the worst case scenario. And i'm always second guessing myself, like replaying the night the girl tried to kiss me, I get these images of me kissing back even though I didn't, and it will never go away, I find myself looking at strangers i've never met before and because they are attractive my head automatically starts thinking hmmm do I recognize her, and then goes to thinking maybe I kissed her or did something with her??? And I find myself uncontrolling thinking back making sure I didnt kiss anyone even though I know that I didn't in my head I keep getting these disturbing images of me kissing someone or even worse! And the really sad thing is that its gotten so bad, these thoughts seem to be taking over, im starting to beileive them as the truth or reality, even though I know im crazy and that I didnt! I also find myself almost asking certain girls , have we ever kissed? even though I know I would remember something like a kiss. Please tell me im crazy and that these images and thoughts are not real and are OCD related. From morning till night I think of nothing except these thoughts.

[smilemona]

(Please tell me im crazy and that these images and thoughts are not real and are OCD related. From morning till night I think of nothing except these thoughts. )

 

Hi Argyle~

 

The thoughts seem very real because you're believing them, that's all. That's what we do with a lot of thoughts that we have. We base our lives on what we believe and it's very innocent.

 

Our thoughts, as you've noticed, can be powerful enough to create an experience that we really think happened, even when we're not sure that it actually did. Then we react according to those thoughts.

 

I would love to recommend a book for you -- called Loving What Is by Byron Katie. It gives instructions for a process that can be very helpful when you find yourself believing thoughts that create stress in your life.

 

If you have been diagnosed with OCD previously, have you brought up this recent thought pattern about kissing with your doctor? It might be helpful to share that information with him/her.

 

All the best,

 

~Mona