Tips for the sensory hypersensitive types?

[momto2pandas]

We are getting to our wits' ends with the clothing/sensory hypersensitivity issues. For my ds6, those issues are there even when he's at his best in terms of other symptoms. Every little seam, wrinkle, hair, etc. gets to him. He has tons of clothes, but only 1 shirt and two pairs of pants that he is comfortable in, and socks are a constant battle. Getting dressed in time for school is a heartache every morning. He needed new shoes a while back because he completely busted through the toes of his old ones, and we shopped for 20 hours - not including the travel over a 50-mile radius - to find the most acceptable pair, and even after that and much crying, he wasn't happy with the pair he chose once he brought it home and refused to wear it, leaving him with no shoes whatsoever. We went skiing on Sunday, which he loves, but it took until 2 pm for us to get him suited up even to his partial satisfaction (needed to try all all of the helmets at three different places, fussed about the boots [which are his own], could not find one single pair of acceptable gloves or mittens, etc etc....). I try to keep patient and reassuring because I know it's not his fault, but he knows that his dress consumes an inordinate amount of the family's time, energy, and patience, and he feels very guilty and sad about it.

 

Has anyone had any success in alleviating this symptom? Or does anyone have any good clothing tips, brands/styles of shoes, etc? Sometimes he seems nearly 100% well except for this symptom - but then I'm not sure if this symptom means that his PANDAS is still active and undertreated, and that we should pursue more aggressive treatment. Maybe we think he's "well" because we're used to how he is, but he's actually still affected?

 

Any thoughts/experience/tips?

[dut]

Hello

 

Before we were aware of her PANDAS and way before her 1st "exacerbation" our dd had the sock thing and then on the back of that we had "the naked except her diaper thing" at home.. it was fun and quirky at the time as she was only 3... little did we know. I keep saying she is symptom free... but she is still somewhat fussy over clothes.

 

The only battle I ever seemed to win was on socks... not at the worst times but all other times I could get her to wear socks if I bought the ones for diabetic kids.. they're seemless. Therawear sells them. So do some shoe shops. I also found pjs that look like real clothes could work 'cos they're so soft and easy to wear...

 

Sorry I can't offer more... can I just say, though, how heartening it is to read your history of having PANDAS and feeling like there is a bright future for these kids.. it always felt like a bit of an abyss with no adult stories...

 

Thanks.....

[momto2pandas]

Ok, I'm getting online to buy some seamless socks... to add to the 50 pairs of socks he already has in his drawer from our many trials and errors! Based on his impoverished and well-worn wardrobe, I think that the world believes that we are poor. We even got offered clothing for him at church one day a couple of years ago. Little do people know that he has an extensive and expensive wardrobe, thanks to all of our failed trials and errors and our willingness to buy whatever the heck he says that he will wear, no questions asked - he just won't wear any of it!

 

To make matters worse, we are getting to the age of "coolness" concerns. He had one Star Wars shirt that he would wear until a classmate pointed out that it looked like Anakin Skywalker was wearing pink lipstick. Unfortunately, when I looked at the shirt carefully, the kid was right and I couldn't deny it. Another shirt bites the dust.

 

Thank you for what you said in the last paragraph. I do believe that there is a bright future for these kids. For me, the challenge is parenting them in such a way -- with the right combination of patience with things they can't control, and not tolerating bad behavior too leniently - that they will hopefully become well-adjusted adults once the worst part of the biochemical stuff is behind them. Such a difficult balance, especially when one is already stressed out.

 

 

Hello

 

Before we were aware of her PANDAS and way before her 1st "exacerbation" our dd had the sock thing and then on the back of that we had "the naked except her diaper thing" at home.. it was fun and quirky at the time as she was only 3... little did we know. I keep saying she is symptom free... but she is still somewhat fussy over clothes.

 

The only battle I ever seemed to win was on socks... not at the worst times but all other times I could get her to wear socks if I bought the ones for diabetic kids.. they're seemless. Therawear sells them. So do some shoe shops. I also found pjs that look like real clothes could work 'cos they're so soft and easy to wear...

 

Sorry I can't offer more... can I just say, though, how heartening it is to read your history of having PANDAS and feeling like there is a bright future for these kids.. it always felt like a bit of an abyss with no adult stories...

 

Thanks.....

[wornoutmom]

Both my PANDAS son and and non-PANDAS son have or have had sensory issues. With my PANDAS son (now 14), we actually took him to PT for sensory integration disorder on the advice of our psychiatrist (at age 7). He had 12 sessions and it helped a lot not just with sensitivity but with his hyper then "low" energy periods. We used the techniques we learned in PT for a long time with him, and he has virtually no sensitivity left except for sound (the sound of someone chewing or typing drives him batty). I have sound sensitivity as well, though I never knew what it was until I got him treated.

 

My non PANDAS son (age 11) did not receive PT, and still experiences the clothing sensitivity. I too remember driving 30 miles to buy the only pair of shoes he could bear, only to have him throw fits about them later. We've done a couple things that have made it better. One is the 2 minute wait it out rule, as in you have to try to wear it for 2 minutes before you take it off, because usually the brain will acclimate at that point. We do seamless socks from GAP. He LOVES these socks and wont wear any other. Another thing that helped was switching from briefs to boxers, as he had trouble with underwear seams. HANES has soft fabric and also make tagless t-shirts. He went through a phase when he would only wear athletic pants. When we find a brand of clothing or shoes he will wear, we buy multiple colors etc. and just go with it. I also scratch his body when he is having bad all over sensitivity. If he can take the scratching for a period of time the sensations lessen (kinda like brushing). And the only other thing I've done is try to lighten myself up a little - choose my battles. I let him wear his favorite shoes to the bone and have him practice breaking in new shoes meanwhile. Let him go without socks. Let him wear the same tshirt over and over because it's the only one he can find comfortable..I have to say I do sigh with relief when summer comes around and it means less clothing and flip flops.

 

By the way, both sons are now putting on full ice hockey gear to go out and play, after having days in early childhood they couldn't stand to put ANYTHING on their body. It can get better.

[nojo]

We have a really difficult time with clothing and shoes especially. What has happend for us before is when we need new shoes, we'll go to all the stores, try on lots of shoes, get really frusterated, and leave without new shoes. We had to get new boots for snow, and did this over and over, it was driving me crazy. When the big snow was forcasted around here and we truly had to make a decision, the boots that we had tried on several times finally felt ok. I'm guessing she just got used to them through repeated exposure. My thought is that the re-exposure is hopefully the key. Shoes and the switching of the seasons are just really difficult around here.

 

An interesting side note, we pulled our kids out of school this fall to homeschool. We've decided to make the best of it, and got a season ski pass and are teaching the girls to ski. It has been quite a challenge getting her into all of the clothing also! I was especially worried about the boots because they feel so strange. Luckily for us, she got bit by the ski bug, and is so enamored with skiing she hasn't noticed the clothing much after we got her out on the mountain. She still only has one shirt that she'll wear under the ski bibs, but after the first few times gearing up, she's been ok (although she does hate turtlenecks and the neck gators also) I'm going to be watching for more tips too since the switch of each season is a nightmare.

[thereishope]

One piece of advice I want to share is to always have other options in the dresser, including the ones you know he won't wear. Always leave the opportunity there that he may grab one of the "taboo" items. He might surprise you someday. If he does, don't necessarily make a big deal out of it at first. Once I did that, he gets self conscious and ran back in his room to change.

[Suzan]

Oh the shoes, the socks, the pants, the underwear, the buttons, the collars... We have that here. It got much better once on a good dose of antibiotics. But we spent years dealing with this stuff. DD7 has so many hand-me-down underwear and shoes from failed attempts for dd8.

 

I took my girls to occupational therapy for 2 years which really helped. We did the brushing protocol which helped with calming and sensory issues.

 

I let her (dd8 is the worst with this stuff) get dressed the night before and she sleeps in her clothes. This helps a lot since she is used to how her clothes feel in the morning and we won't have to fight it. I found that she feels best in stretchy, soft clothes so she only wears leggings and fitted t-shirts. I used to not push the sock thing but that's better now so she can usually find some socks to wear. I never buy shoes without her being with me and it usually takes quite a while to find the one pair she will wear and then she only wears that pair until they wear out. I used to just replace the next shoe with exactly the same one until they stopped making it (although it takes a while to break in the new ones for them to be acceptable).

 

But really, the right dose of abx made more difference than anything else we did.

 

Susan

[kcdc3]

We have clothing issues as well. I let her pick out her own clothes, try them on, etc. We buy only the ones she loves, but once we get home all bets are off and she usually will not wear them. I have made a deal with her. I allow her to wear the old worn out ones that she loves on most days. I give her a few days notice when I expect her to wear one of the nicer outfits. I keep reminding her that she will need to wear that certain outfit in 2 days, 1 day, etc. When that day comes, I absolutely will not give in no matter what kind of fit that she throws (and she will throw a major fit - to the point of needing physical restraining). It's hard on me and the rest of the family for that hour or so that she's throwing the fit, but she does get over it and the rest of the day is usually pleasant. I always remind her at the end of the day that wearing that outfit wasn't so bad after all and that she got "used to it". She does agree, but it never helps the next go round!!!

[MomWithOCDSon]

Oh Mom, been there, done that for YEARS! It is craziness, but I know exactly what you're going through. I really thought we might be the only ones until, maybe three years ago, I read about an "American Idol" contestant . . . I think his name was Blake, who was known for designing and sewing his own pants! Turns out as a kid, we wouldn't tolerate the commercial clothing so his mom took him to the fabric store, let him pick out what he found "wearable," sat him down in front of her sewing machine and taught him the basics, and then told him to make his own! He's 20-something now, and he STILL does it! I tell my son that story every now and again, just to warn him that there's going to come a day when he's going to have to fend for himself in this respect!

 

Socks: we found a brand at Target that comes in both black and white, come in bundles of 3 and they're above his ankles but lower than crew; they're also seamless. Wish I could remember the actual brand name, but they have a threaded, gold line around the toe box where the smallest size available has one line, the next size up (medium) has two lines, and then the largest size has three. These are the only socks he'll wear, and he's been wearing them for about 4 years now.

 

Shoes: we have issues similar to yours. As a result, he will wear only one pair at any given time and he's wears them to shreds. Years ago, in another desperate search to find him something he would be at all comfortable in, we wound up in the children's shoes section of Nordstrom; those people know their stuff! They immediately identified that he has an exceptionally high instep, wide toe box and narrow ankle so, yes, many brands of shoes won't suit him (don't know if these physical traits are common to kids with sensitivities, but maybe they are). We've found that he can wear Merrills, Keens and/or Eccos with the least angst, though we have to put tongue pads in them so that they don't slip off his narrow heel while fitting him length-wise. Keens, especially, have a great wide toe box. These are expensive brands, but I figure if they're the only shoes he's wearing and he can wear them for about a year without outgrowing them (these brands tend to last, too, so lately I've been able to take them to resale when he outgrows them, rather than just throwing them out), then they're worth it. Also found that tying and untying laces is an issue for him, so if shoes come with regular laces, I replace them with "Yankz," a, bungee-cord type lace system that, once you've gotten the hang of it, is easy to install and he finds them easy to adjust. Yanz are available on line and at some specialty outdoor wear retailers, like REI.

 

Shirts: yes, tagless we find is the way to go. Hanes t-shirts work for pj's, and, luckily, Gap and Old Navy and even Target have gotten pretty good about tagless items, too. I even find some items at places like Kohl's, and the Lands End catalog has some good stuff, too. My DS12 doesn't like collars, buttons or half-zips, either . . . just plain old crew necks, please . . . but shirts seem to be less of a problem than almost everything else.

 

Pants: my son refuses to wear jeans, like 99% of his peers. He spent grade school in sweat pants, and I was usually able to find some pairs that didn't scream "I'm sweat pants!" across the room, like cargo styles from Hannah Anderson or Land's End. But every time I'd try to get him to wear jeans or even cargo pants or Dockers-style khakis or whatever, he'd say they were too hard, stiff, scratchy, and he couldn't stand the way the pockets could tend to bunch up inside or stick out on his butt or whatever. I was really concerned about the social ramifications when he hit junior high. And then I remembered that I'd been buying scrub pants -- you know, that nurses and doctors wear? -- for my dad for years as gifts because he is wheelchair bound and really needs comfort and ease, etc. I had a "Scrubs" catalog, and they come in an amazing array of styles and materials now, including denim! So, I buy the "short," small size of denim cargo scrub pants for my son; they have an elastic and drawstring style waist, lots of cool cargo pockets, and they are very soft and non-stiff but denim nonetheless. And they come in a variety of washes, too, so they don't all look alike if he wears them day after day. I just have to hem 'em a bit more (my kid has unusually short legs beneath a very long torso), and I use a seam ripper to just remove the "Scrubs" tag from the back, and we're done! He's been wearing them for the last two years, and though they are definitely loser and baggier than your standard Levi's, his friends don't seem to consider his taste in clothing "odd" anymore, and he doesn't get teased about wearing sweat pants 24-7.

 

Those're my best tips! Now, if I can just figure out dress clothes for those occasional fancier events, I'll be all set!

[dcmom]

Mom2pandas- This was one of my daughter's major pandas issues- it started about a week or two into her probable first episode. She literally woke up one morning, tore her closet apart, and then told me none of her clothes fit anymore. She could not get dressed. She could not put on panties. She ended up wearing pjs to school for about two weeks- on the days that she went. She could not get dressed to go ice skating, to a birthday party, etc. During this time we figured out it was pandas. After 30 days on antibiotics, she could get dressed again.

 

Two months later post T&A, she woke up, the same exact thing. Tore her room apart, nothing fit again. Luckily it was summer.

 

She is doing well now, however she still has some clothing issues. The difference is, while it causes her some frustration and discomfort, it does not interfere with her life. For the most part she wears Gymboree dresses and leggings, a certain type of socks, and ugg style boots. However, if for some reason she needs to wear something else: tights for a costume day at school, sweater turtleneck in the snow, etc. she CAN get it together and do it.

 

So I guess I am saying, if these issues (and it sounds like they are) are taking that much time, and interfering with things he wants to do, you might want to try to intervene medically. Maybe switch up or increase antibiotics and/or consider steroids?

 

When she was in recovery mode- we set a program where every morning she had to get dressed, brush her hair, use the potty and she got a prize. That was able to help her ONLY when the antibiotics started kicking in.

 

Of course, we AlWAYS lay out clothes for school the night before.

 

Good luck- I know how rough it is for these kids- and the parents. (Many nights I am doing laundry till 11 because I forgot she was low on her prefferred socks...)

[momto2pandas]

Thank you, everyone, for the great responses/tips. Just in time - this morning, suddenly, not one pair of ds6's underwear is satisfactory. Until now, he has always been able to find at least underwear, and he wears just underwear around the house when we let him. He has, I would say, 50 pairs of underwear, of every style. He has been crying in his bedroom for 50 minutes now with my husband gently trying to get him dressed for school, and no soap. I can hear ds3 having a fit in there about the order in which things are being done, too (his main OCD symptom), so it seems that we are off and running with another exacerbation. Ds3 has been taking a trial off of antibiotics for about the last week since we haven't been 100% sure of his diagnosis (at 3, ritual-loving and defiance can be just par for the course...) and he has been deteriorating. Ds6 may be reacting to him in some way.

 

I suspect from what everyone is saying that we need better antibiotic coverage. Both boys have been taking just standard doses of zith and that seems to work extremely well -- close to 100% -- for mood, behavior, OCD, etc. Ds6 is still a bit "sensitive" emotionally as well as physically, but it has ever been thus, and it seems to be within normal limits for a 6 year old. He's happy. I see just a couple of eye-roll tics per day peeking through. If it weren't for this sensory stuff I would say that he's doing "fine" but now I'm thinking that we should probably push a little harder for higher doses or some other change. I will look into PT/OT too; that has never been suggested to us before.

 

And I REALLY appreciate all of the specific clothing tips! Looks like we are going to be going another round of shopping this week....I am getting so tired of all of the money we spend on this!

 

 

 

 

We are getting to our wits' ends with the clothing/sensory hypersensitivity issues. For my ds6, those issues are there even when he's at his best in terms of other symptoms. Every little seam, wrinkle, hair, etc. gets to him. He has tons of clothes, but only 1 shirt and two pairs of pants that he is comfortable in, and socks are a constant battle. Getting dressed in time for school is a heartache every morning. He needed new shoes a while back because he completely busted through the toes of his old ones, and we shopped for 20 hours - not including the travel over a 50-mile radius - to find the most acceptable pair, and even after that and much crying, he wasn't happy with the pair he chose once he brought it home and refused to wear it, leaving him with no shoes whatsoever. We went skiing on Sunday, which he loves, but it took until 2 pm for us to get him suited up even to his partial satisfaction (needed to try all all of the helmets at three different places, fussed about the boots [which are his own], could not find one single pair of acceptable gloves or mittens, etc etc....). I try to keep patient and reassuring because I know it's not his fault, but he knows that his dress consumes an inordinate amount of the family's time, energy, and patience, and he feels very guilty and sad about it.

 

Has anyone had any success in alleviating this symptom? Or does anyone have any good clothing tips, brands/styles of shoes, etc? Sometimes he seems nearly 100% well except for this symptom - but then I'm not sure if this symptom means that his PANDAS is still active and undertreated, and that we should pursue more aggressive treatment. Maybe we think he's "well" because we're used to how he is, but he's actually still affected?

 

Any thoughts/experience/tips?

[dcmom]

mom2pandas- I want to add this quickly, before you spend more $.

 

We found this to be REALLY tricky. With Julia, there are certainly some low level sensory issues at work- but we also felt it was combined with ocd. Hence- 50 pairs of underwear and none fit? It is really NOT completely about the fit and comfort, only. It might start there at some level, but then takes on a life of its own with an ocd component. And, it will not stop until he is down to one thing only that he can wear. I think your start to the solution, unfortunately, is getting the meds right. I would hold off on buying more stuff. Most probably it is an ocd component- and then, I am no expert, but that might be validating to the ocd thoughts.

 

My dd, 6, who is doing REALLY well- still on most days will not wear underwear We will have to tackle this at some point- but it will not be about finding the softest most perfect underwear. It will be about getting used to wearing it, getting over the uncomfortable feeling.

 

Here is an example- socks were out for a while for her- instead she would wear mary jane type shoes with not socks. I can tell you for a FACT that they would have been more comfortable to anybody with socks. I don't know how she wore them without- it was a mind glitch at that point.

 

I found, during the episodes- sometimes just saying to her "you find something you can wear- we have time- don't rush" was the best way to get her dressed. Any form of pressure or rushing was out- she went late to school most days. Any worry about presentability was also pretty much out; she wore pj bottoms with a dress and rainboots if that was what worked.

[Suzan]

she wore pj bottoms with a dress and rainboots if that was what worked.

 

 

ooh, my dd7 would be in high heaven, not from sensory issues, just her unusual sense of style but that sounds cute to me now, I have really changed, it took me a long time to let go of wanting my kids to look a certain way. All this did help me to accept their differences more readily than I would have otherwise.

 

Susan

[momto2pandas]

I think you are right that we need to work more on the meds here; thanks for the advice. With respect to OCD, the strange thing is that this has been his only "OCD" symptom for a LOOONG time. He has had brief OCD episodes in the past (that's what led to diagnosis), but for more than a year now, he has not been OCD about anything else at all. Even the sensory stuff hasn't been a REAL disaster until it started escalating over the last little while. It's my little guy who has more classic OCD issues, and he has no clothing issues. So for ds6 this seems to be a really distinct thing...and it's hard to sort out how much is truly sensory and how much might be layered on top of that. Either way it sounds from others' experiences like it might be resposive to more aggressive treatment.

 

Yes, we have given up on presentability. His favorite clothes have holes in them, he wears sandals on cold days and boots on dry days, dirty clothes if I haven't gotten to the laundry in time, etc. He was forced to compromise for Christmas (not allowed to wear snowboots and stained sweats with holes in the knees to his singing performance in church), but otherwise, as long as his privates are covered and he's not terribly cold, presentability is one of those battles that we don't choose to fight for now.

 

 

mom2pandas- I want to add this quickly, before you spend more $.

 

We found this to be REALLY tricky. With Julia, there are certainly some low level sensory issues at work- but we also felt it was combined with ocd. Hence- 50 pairs of underwear and none fit? It is really NOT completely about the fit and comfort, only. It might start there at some level, but then takes on a life of its own with an ocd component. And, it will not stop until he is down to one thing only that he can wear. I think your start to the solution, unfortunately, is getting the meds right. I would hold off on buying more stuff. Most probably it is an ocd component- and then, I am no expert, but that might be validating to the ocd thoughts.

 

My dd, 6, who is doing REALLY well- still on most days will not wear underwear We will have to tackle this at some point- but it will not be about finding the softest most perfect underwear. It will be about getting used to wearing it, getting over the uncomfortable feeling.

 

Here is an example- socks were out for a while for her- instead she would wear mary jane type shoes with not socks. I can tell you for a FACT that they would have been more comfortable to anybody with socks. I don't know how she wore them without- it was a mind glitch at that point.

 

I found, during the episodes- sometimes just saying to her "you find something you can wear- we have time- don't rush" was the best way to get her dressed. Any form of pressure or rushing was out- she went late to school most days. Any worry about presentability was also pretty much out; she wore pj bottoms with a dress and rainboots if that was what worked.

[Megs_Mom]

Ouff, I feel like I am reading about my daughter! After her very first PANDAS episode at 3.5, this was the only remaining symptom for the next 3 years before the next exacerbation. We had no clue. It is much better with extended antibiotic treatment - so exciting shopping with her now! Before this, socks, shoes, hair, noise, lights, shirts, jeans, stockings.... maddeniHowever, after a very brief episode (about 8 days) of sudden onset OCD - treated with higher levels of antibiotics & ERP - and the OCD was gone - and she is actually even better than before. But the sensory thing seems to stick just a little - suddenly all her shirts are wrong, etc.

 

With Meg, we have three distinct stages:

* OCD, Panic and Agoraphobia - nearly unbearable, needs extreme treatment with abx, along with tools to make it through the time that she is "PANDAS"

* Sudden onset OCD - this can effect clothes to a pretty extreme level - but more because of "contamination or just right OCD"

* Sensory issues - that seem to linger after medical treatment and are around at low levels almost all the time. We have done OT for this & developed our own language about it. Maybe we still need more medical treatment, but we still can't find an underlying cause that will get us IVIG - and for the time being she is 98% better & such a happy kid. Some times she asks "for help to habituate to my clothes". She loves this because sometimes she wants to wear a "really cool" shirt, and then is driven mad by the fact that she can't!

 

Meg is very clear about what is OCD and what is "a habituation issue". The 2 minute rule is our deal too - but we have a little routine that we do to get outselves there. Here is the extreme version of that plan (depending on the level of the issue, you can pull out parts of this, mostly the fun dancing, running about part):

 

I wrote this post for a family with a daugher - so please excuse the references to a girl!!!

 

• Plan on starting this plan on a weekend, so the stress level the first 2 days is at a minimum.

• On Friday night, have their daughter help them pick out clothes for the next day. If she wants to try them on, that would be wise. Once the decision is made, it is final. (check the weather on Saturday that Friday night!!!) No changing the next morning. Be sure they are clear about this the night before. I would strongly suggest that the child is NOT tired or hungry when they pick out clothes. I find 4 or 5 pm is a good time, after an afternoon snack. (We used to play musical chairs with her clothing & music every Sunday night – it was a fun way to pick out the weeks clothes – gave her some control, but kept a time limit on the decisions. We did if you landed on something, that was a choice for one day – once you landed on 5 pairs of pants, the rest of the pants were out. We looked the other way when she hopped on a different pair at the last second. Then we let her arrange them by day & put them in daily bins. We don’t do this anymore, but we do still pick out the night before, almost every day!)

• Be sure she goes to bed on time, Friday night.

• On Saturday morning, start the morning with an immediate protein & carb snack. We call this our miracle start . I’d recommend Kashi Crunch – it is mildly sweet, but has great healthy proteins & carbs in it. If they are more traditional, scrambled eggs with cheese & a piece of toast.

• NO TV! Be sure to discuss this the night before, if this is an important part of the morning. We do NOTHING in the morning except our routine, until Meg is dressed. Then if there is time, TV is fine (there is rarely time….) this is not negotiable. There is limited time in the morning, and if you are rushed, it is much harder to keep your cool if some illogical situation raises its ugly head!

• Now you are ready to get dressed. I’d suggest helping her for the first week. Before you get to this Saturday morning, discuss the idea of “habituation” – I find this is a fun “word of the week” for a 7 year old – it is fun to say in a sing song voice or to use an announcer voice: HAb-IT- U –A-TION!!! Essentially this means that when your clothes feel really icky right away, your body CAN get used to it. You can use examples – do you like your jeans when you are on the playground? Do you even notice them? Well, that’s because you have Habituated to them! So our job in the morning is to help your body Habituate to your clothes! You need to get agreement that when something does not feel right, that she’ll not rip it off, but will try to Habituate. Give her some control – if she tries the exercise & still hates it, let her rip it off & try again in 5 minutes. But don’t change the outfit. Ok, so use some common sense on Friday night – for the first few days, pick some favorite, comfortable clothes!!! Our favorites are Yoga pants (soft cotton), an undershirt, really comfy undies, and a t-shirt that is not too tight, especially under the arms or on the seams or around the wrists. We also tend to buy the socks that don’t have inside seams! Help her with sleeves – don’t let one get bunched up under a sweater at this stage, be sure she has the sleeves in her hands before pulling the sweater sleeves down! And watch the back of the shirt, try to help her smooth this down her back before it bunches up around her neck. Personally, we buy undershirts with no tags, so the shirt will feel better. These are pretty easy to find. Any tags that are scratchy or bunchy (thick) – I’d cut these out. We even have underwear with no tags – we LOVE the brand of Hanes, that I believe is called “the worlds’ most comfortable panties” – it’s a cotton/spandex blend – although she can now wear lots of other brands too.

• If something she puts on seems “wrong” to her & she starts to want to pull it off/get frustrated – try to stay calm yourself – maybe even go ultra calm (low quiet firm voice, don’t get stressed) – ask her to keep the article of clothing on while doing her Habituation exercise – you can vary this up as you wish – even make it different for each “fit” – the important thing is to make it fun & tied in to activities that your daughter thinks are fun – be excited and firm about this (“you can do it, kiddo!”). For Meg, this means Humor & Exercise. We have her do something like the following “Let’s do our relay race. Run down stairs as fast as you can, do 8 jumping jacks on the front porch, go into dad’s room & spank him on the back, run back upstairs, spin three times, jump up & down & give Mom a bear hug (I hug her tight too). Meg wants to be “timed” on everything, so I use my watch (or count) to say – “high five!!! You did it in 28 seconds!” Then I’ll say “great, ready to try your socks? (or whatever). For every article of clothing that she gets on (undies, socks, pants, etc) without needing a relay, give a high five – “yes, you did that – see, I knew we could be a great team!”. You have to find a relay that will distract her – really engage her attention. Maybe that is music, dancing, whatever. Physical is usually better & more distracting. You want at least 30 – 60 second activities so her body can get ready!

 

If this works, consider setting up a fun & achievable reward system for week one. I’d suggest taking her out to a fun dinner on Saturday if she meets the goal. Keep the first goal REALLY reasonable – you want her to make it & even go beyond. I’d suggest “if we have one pleasant morning this week, then we will all go to Chuckie Cheese on Saturday & play games together (or whatever)”. Keep your definition of pleasant really flexible. One small fit is not that big a deal if you currently can’t get her ready at all. Getting dressed in 60 minutes instead of 2 hours might mean a success for the first week. Stay calm & work though it. Really reinforce the positive “I know you threw your shoes out the door, but you tried again and did it – that’s great (I am being funny here )” - you may feel a little insincere here for a while, since you want it to just be normal – but once you see how hard she is trying, you’ll quickly start to believe that every step forward is a big deal worth celebrating, because it is getting you closer to your real goal. Keep the faith that this will improve a lot once she sees what she can do & starts feeling confident through practice. Remember that she is currently practicing the idea that she CANNOT do this – so it will take a while to build up her confidence in the new approach to the day. Week 2, you may want to set another goal – “we’ll all do Pizza on Friday night, if we have 2 calm mornings as a family” – I’d suggest NOT ever going to 5 perfect mornings as a goal (at least not that she knows about). Perfection is very intimidating at this age – having some room to make mistakes often take the pressure off the situation. I constantly remind my daughter that she is a kid & is just practicing now for how she will be when she grows up & is a mom herself. That she still has a lot of years to practice – and that every kid has to make mistakes in order to learn. We try to emphasize that this is her job – making mistakes so she can learn from them. Meg felt like she was the weird kid – and that put a lot of pressure on her. She is now very confident again, and doesn’t worry so much about making mistakes in this odd process.

 

I should really stress – that all this is dependent on 2 things – getting enough SLEEP & having some FOOD in her system. The lack of these 2 things don’t cause the stress – but they make it MUCH easier for it to arrive. And do everything you can, not to be rushed.

 

Whether it works or not – read The Sensational Child or The Out-of-Sync Child. Also, I TOTALLY agree with the "don't rush, we are fine" comment - that really helps - just taking the pressure off something that is already driving them mad, is so important. I used to be an "on-time" person.....