Does it look like this? ---Heixi talks about social phobia.

[bluebell]

section 1

 

No one with social phobia is confident!

Timid, dependent, inferior, sensitive, weak…

When did you lose the go-aheadism in the evironment that even an animal have?

You are so dependent and “lazy”!

You have lost the ability to control your life and the environment as a healthy people!

You are so passive—even animals are not used to the dynamic world!

What’s wrong with that?

 

section 2

 

Maybe you have a strict eldership with ill temper.

He or she always intervened your every wishful explore by yourself!

You were wrong all the time, because you never met his or her requirement!

You were stoped again and again!

Therefore, you strated to give up the “useless” independendt effort!

 

You started to follow his or her wishes!—you could get commond and happiness from that but not disagree and punishment!

 

Your active wishes would be rejected and restricted!—passive could help you to adapt this environment!

 

You suffered this for more than 10 years!

 

You was a sapling suppressed by a big tree!—you could only grow by unhealthy way because you want to survive.

 

The environment made you different from others

 

Of course, not all the people who have social phobia face the same situation. This is only a common educational and growing mode.

 

section 3

When was the first time that you didn't dare to make eye contact with others?

What do nomal people think, if they feel uncomfortable as they make eye contact with others?

What do you think before?

 

What was the first time that you flushed and felt shy; the first time you felt nervous as you faced the public; the first time you felt uneasy, the first time…?

 

What do nomal people think if they face this kind of situations?

What did you think before?

----------------------------

All these are because of your inferiority!

All these are because of your self-denial!

 

section 4

 

My life is too bad!

Flabbiness, timidity, afraid of death, not good at communication, fear of people, blush, shy, uneasy, nervous…..

I don't dear to resist my father/mother!

His/her voice is so loud!

I scare of his/her shout!

I scare and shake!

Man and boy, I never fight with others!

I am so virtuous!

I always make concessions to avoid troubles and dissensions.

I am a good guy in others’ eyes!

I am not good at refuse, even I hope so!

I always make myself grievance!

I am so dependent and have less definite idea!

My life is controlled by others!

I usually go with the stream!

------------------------------------

 

No! I need to change myself!

The theory of success, great man biography, giants in movie!

I want to improve my psychological quality!

I start to wear a mask called “smart” in front of people!

I can talk a lot with people!

Before I go to the society, I need to prepare for a long time!

I feel full of energy!

I become more confident when I face others!

I am stronger than before!

I look like a giant in movies!

I am so “narcissistic”!

 

My first important task is start to rebuild myself!

----------------------------------------------------------

Everything is because of my inferiority!

Everything is because of my self-denial!

-----------------------------------------------------------

 

Dharma said: there is no end in abyss of misery. You should repent and be saved.

 

section 5

Accept yourself completely by no reason!

--because you are the god!

 

section 6

People get social phobia is not because of their own mistake. It usually caused by a special environent. Most of the patients are timid, dependent, passive, weak, excessively careful, lack of social practice, etc. The most common reason are: severe eldership; overprotection; lack of independency from childhood; active personality growing environment, less freedom; less contact with society, eldership suppress, etc.

 

As people try to discover the environment actively and independently, eldership suppress it at the same time. After a long time, the natural motivation cannot be express and forced to turn to interior. People gradually learn the passive and dependent life mode. “Patriarchal slave” will be formed in patients thinking mode.

 

section 7

 

It is difficult to accept yourself. Not accept yourself is even more difficult.

Accept yourself bravely. Don't try to escape. This is the first step of the only way to recovery.

 

People get social phobia always want to be other people. They don't dear to be themselves.

The brightness of zen told us: be yourself! Nobody can by others!

This is the only way to recover!

 

Actually, this is the trump to get rid of neurosis. When we start live with reality and bluffness, neurosis will slowly lose its power, even though it may not be so perfect.

[bluebell]

REVERSE THERAPY: be shameless

 

People suffer from social phobia because they afraid to lose their face. By Chinese old saying: people suffered a lot because they care about their face. The more they scare the more nervous they are! Please learn from Mr. Li Yang. Be shameless! Who won’t never lose his face during his whole life? Start to learn how to lose your face. Until you become shameless, you will recover! As you feel nervous, shake, twitch, shy or uneasy, just let them be. Don't be afraid of them and you will know it is not so terrible.

 

If you cannot calm down, don't force yourself to be calm. If you cannot communicate fluently, don't force yourself to speak fast. By using this therapy you will find social phobia can be treated easily. After you forget about your symptoms over time, they will not appear any more. Thus, You will not care about your social phobia also.

 

Reverse therapy is not a way to treat symptoms. It actually shows a spirit.

------------------------------------------------------

All in one: what is real ACCEPTANCE.

 

The ancients said: all the neurosis, even all the troubles by human being, is because of people cannot face the truth and accept everything. We must learn how to forgive and how to face. We don't have other ways to go. Someone will say: don't tell me about acceptance. I have accepted for so many years, but everything didn't change! Actually, this is the most common misunderstanding of “acceptance”. This is only ostensible acceptance. They want to use acceptance as a way to eliminate symptoms. It is not the real acceptance. If you have really suffered a lot in your life, you can slowly accept your symptoms from your real heart. Only acceptance can change. Certainly, all the people with neurosis can recover. We must go through the path all the way. This is the rule.

-----------------------------------------------------------

The key to recover from social phobia:

everything cannot be eliminated

Social phobia is a normal OCD. The symptoms are: nervous, strabismus, shyness, blush, spatial phobia, stutter, obsessive, anxiety, dread, psychogenic insomnia, suspect, eating disorders, concept and behavior, etc. These all cannot be eliminated. When you start to understand these and start to adapt; when you really accept it from your heart and don't repulse them, they will gone after a long period. Why is that so?

 

Buddhism said, “worry equals contradiction”. Taoism gave us an example: a crock of pure water is very perfect, but it is poison. Fish and shrimp cannot live in this kind of water. It is a crock of backwater. Now we throw some rubbish and dirt inside. The water is no more perfect. It become turbid and looks bad, but there are alimentation in it. Fish and shrimp can live in it! It is a crock of water with life. Therefore, not perfect is the real perfect.

 

The symptoms of neurosis are also the same! Nervous, strabismus, shyness, blush, spatial phobia, stutter, obsessive, anxiety, dread, psychogenic insomnia, suspect, eating disorders, concept and behavior, etc. these are also rubbish and dirt. They let us feel the water is turbid and not perfect. Actually they are very normal. We always drive them to be more and more serious. They themselves cannot be eliminated. If we really eliminate them, we will become abnormal. Normal people are same as that corck of turbid water. They all have the same symptoms as us, but they never care about them. They never drive them to be more serious.

 

We are always so sensitive when symptoms appear. Please recall the first time that the symptoms appeared. They were so normal at that time. Everybody have the same problem, but others just didn't care about them . We were so different and sensitive. We felt inferioity or wanted to be perfect. We were so careful or the environment made us think too much. We never let them go and think they are abnormal. We wanted to obliterate and eliminate them. Of course, we failed to do that. This is the original resource and essence of conflict and fight. Then, we always worried about it. After we repulsed it again and again, we became more and more sensitive and pay more attention on it. The exciting point and impression in our brain became more and more pertinacious. Many years later, as normal people has forgot this, the exciting point in his brain decreased. However, we are still driving and pushing them. We cause them become a very pertinacious exciting point such as addiction. Please don't forget, brainwork waste more energy than physical labor. People’s spirit can transform power. The wasted power was not disappeared for no reason. They all transform to the exciting points, and became the energy resources to support those exciting points not to be eliminated. The essence of the world is exercise. If we never keep on giving this exciting points energy, the homeostatic exciting points have already disappeared long long ago. Therefore, the mean reason of those exciting points are still there is because of ourselves. As the enough strong exciting points formed, they will come to affect our behaviors because psychology effect physiology. It formed a vicious circle. This kind of very normal phenomenon was enlarged by us because of the above reason. We call it magnifier principle, i.e. the core of these symptoms are normal, but we enlarged them by using magnifier phenomenon. This is very similar to what buddhism said: actual dream.

 

Therefore, we were wrong from the start. Lao zi said: the further you go will let you understand the lesser you know. It can be used for us to explain this phenomenon. Everything is empty. Actually, the thing we want to eliminate is “normal”. We try to eliminate it, so we use a lot of energy and unlimited enlarge it until it become abnormal. This is “ there is no trouble in the world, but people always worry about troubles of their own imagining.” To use the philosophical language is: problems exist because of the solutions. We can also use it as: all the neurosis exist because there is “treatment”. The essence of worry is consciousness. I think that is why diamond sutra said: there is no way to become buddha. All the troubles are caused by your pertinacity. If there is no trouble in your heart, you will not feel any troubles. Since they are normal, why must you eliminate them? Buddha said: if you want to be buddha, you will not be buddha. If you don't want to be buddha, you may become buddha. This is what taoism said: As you do everything, you may doing nothing. As you do nothing, you may doing everything.

 

Everthing is very clear now. all the symptoms are very normal. We should wake up after so many years. Nothing can be eliminated. There is no way to choose. Don't try to repulse it because this is the reason why it cannot be eliminated. After you understand all this and start to used to it; accept it from your heart; and not repulse it, it will go one day. When you understand, your neurosis is nearly recover.

 

Since everything is normal, we don't need to eliminate them. The reason caused by ourselves. That is what Mr. Morita told us “follow the natural, do the things should be done”

--------------------------------------------------------

Attention: During these years, I try to get rid of idleness. I clear up my understanding of neurosis systematicly and try to explain what is neurosis. I hope to hear some useful opinions and ideas from you. This article may help and inspire some friends who are troubled by neurosis, when they want to save themselves. First of all, I’d like to thank those pioneers. Without them, I cannot rocover today and write this article. The experience of me is the collection from them. Articles can only explain some commen things. It cannot replace real treatment. I hope there are some advices for your reference within this article.

[Supercell MMA]

I am a 35 year old with aspergers and you post if very descriptive of me as a child.

[Weird Phobias]

Very good site, excellent content, I will recommend to my group of readers in the university, I found very interesting article on the internet, including this ...

Weird phobias that control your life.....: The humongous list of phobias that you can have find anywhere shares the same characteristics, like the fear of dentist or doctor. Phobias and Fears are emotional reactions to an uncomfortable situation that causes physical and mental responses. Some of the symptoms that affect all of these weird phobias and fears like fear of success or fear of long words include:

1) Horror, terror, confusion, fear and uncontrollable feelings of panic

2) Unawareness that phobias and fears go beyond.

3) Acceleration of heart beat, extreme sweating, trembling, breathing problems.