I am so thankful

[Plum99]

I am so thankful for all the posts that not only give details of symptoms, links to studies, ways to treat, and especially the personal stories that let me find connection and hope.

I am so thankful for the people who have sent me private messages, even though I have harassed them endlessly with my own meltdowns and questions. And for the people who respond to my posts too. None of you get paid to listen to me or brainstorm, but doctors do. Thank god there are people who just care.

I am so thankful for the Internet. I realize that if I were going through this 20 years ago, i would have nothing.

I am thankful that I can see, from my position right now, all of you who have made it at least partially over to the other side, and you're so composed, and knowledgeable. It gives me hope that my own insanity, possible PTSD, and anger that has come out of this whole situation might possibly pass, and maybe I'll be a normal human again someday.

I am thankful for every time I read something about not accepting diagnosis, or answers, or labels, when I can see what is going on with my child. It makes me feel more and more confident each time I go through weeks of being told nothing is wrong, or nothing that is treatable anyway, that I'm going to eventually get another call telling me that actually there is still an infection. And even though no one wants to acknowledge it, we all know that this is just another time, probably the hundredth by now, that it really means that I should have been listened to, I wasn't wrong, I wasn't making things up, I wasn't spending too much time googling, and if I would have been listened to right away, this didn't have to keep spiraling. I know the message is known, even if it is disguised by criticisms and suggestions that are not relevant.