hypermorality

[natalie]

I have had hypermorality OCD for as long as I can remember. Going all the way back to the sixth grade. As a child I would feel guilt over minor infractions to the point of sheer panic. The only way that I could relive the anxiety would be to confess my "wrongdoing" so that person(s) would give the reassurance that I needed to feel better about the situation. Over the years there have been countless situations where I have confessed to a person about something and they looked at me like I was crazy, like they could not understand why I would be so upset about something so small. I have spent hours thinking about just how I would confess so that I could get the reaction that I needed to subside the anxiety. You can only imagine that it goes on and on from there. In the last few years my obsession has become more refined. I now spend most of my time worrying if I am a good girlfriend or not. Going over conversations, situations, anything and analyzing them to death looking for anything that I could have done wrong and then would result in my significant other leaving me beacuse I was a "bad" person. I worry alot about my boyfriend thinking that I might cheat on him or disrespect him in a similar way. Sometimes I even avoid conversation or situations with other men so that I do not have to worry if he thinks I might be cheating. I even go as far as to think that talking to other men actually IS cheating. I feel soooo crazy. It has been the hardest battle I have ever had to fight. sincerly, exhausted.