PANDAS and gender preference

[dasu]

Our five year old daughter has been diagnosed with PANDAS for 2 years, probably had it longer. One of the changes we notice during a relapse is her shift in gender preference and her identity as a girl. She favors father over mother (to mom "I want to like you but I feel like I don't...but I always love you") She will start to wear boys clothes and talk about wanting to have short hair or tuck her hair up in a hat; or she might just pick the ugliest clothes she can find. (In her first major flare it was a green and grey striped shirt. She was quite a sight when we went out with wild tangled hair she refused to have combed, and usually crying.) She no longer wants to do activities that are associated with women but rather those associated with men. And when the PANDAS symptoms remit, she begins to re-identify as a girl and with other girls and women.

 

Has anyone else noticed this with their girls, or the inverse with boys? What drives these changes?

 

 

 

[putting together the piece]

Yes, I have noticed something like an inverse reaction in my son during certain flares. It always resolves afterward but during the flare there are definitely unique gender specific issues which arise. For example when he was 6 years old we were in a store and he latched on to an enormous zebra printed bra and loudly proclaimed he just had to have it! LOL. Then he tried holding it up to his chest and seeing how he looked. He was so serious!

I am not too worried about the behaviors as they always resolve with the flares and I think it helps him be more understanding of people who are different than him.

[smartyjones]

I gotta tell you dasu -- I know it's really hard to see the positives and things to be grateful for in the thick of it all. . .

 

if these are her words to mom "I want to like you but I feel like I don't...but I always love you

 

I think that is great articulation and knowledge and expression of feelings for a 5 year old!

 

I know the words may feel rough -- but I'd advise you to see the expression and work to build on that. even when the expression may be not so nice and may be delivered harshly - I'd say compliment the expression and give some tips - but I see that expression as a positive!

[SSS]

Yes, my PANS dd has made references about relating more to being a boy- I can't explain/ write this well, but

 

with hindsight, I think she was so uncomfortable in her own skin, she must have thought being a boy was easier. And, as she got older with school age friends,

 

boys carry less emotional drama in relationships- simpler, more rough and tumble.

 

And then there is the clothing OCD- girls have more expectations, crap in their hair, etc.