My sweet boy is BREAKING MY HEART!

[SSS]

Oh your post tugs at my heart.

My first thought is the SSRI- concerning, as the suicide issue is the 1 big scary red flag side effect. That is what is sticking out for me.

Maybe as others suggested, he doesn't need it anymore....

 

I have a 15 1/2 year old son, 16 this year. He is not PANS, doesn't have OCD, but has, shall we say, an intense perfection side.

He has received an 'A' in EVERY class his entire life- even PE- advanced math, advanced science, advanced english.

He graduated valedictorian of his 3 year middle school.

If I could have had that tattooed on my forehead, I would have.

When in 8th grade a FILM class project was proving difficult and perhaps late,

I actually said 'By God you will not destroy this grade point average with FILM class. Get it together.' He did.

 

He always seems so capable, always been independent, confident, even arrogant. His Father (my XH) and I are rather intense.

Thank God for my husband, Ryan's stepfather for nearly 10 years, who brings lightness, laughter, and a deep friendship of respect with Ryan. He taught him how to golf a few years ago.

 

Okay- high school starts last year. Now, I'm guessing with girls, they process their nervousness, anxiety with drama out front -

seems the boys (or mine) keeps it bottled up, being 'cool.'

He tries out for the golf team- 1st sport ever- REALLY wants it- stressful! Golf for perfectionists is stressful!

Makes the team. Finally, I get all alone time with my son driving him to and from the golf courses.

He's exhausted. I check his grades online. Late assignments!

As I'm driving, I say, how can this be?! What?!

My 5'11, lanky, stoic son bends over, face in hands, and starts sobbing. Just breaks down, crying.

'You put so much pressure on me. You expect too much from me.'

I pull over. Choked, touching him I say:

'Ryan, I expect so much because you've always given so much. You've given me greatness.'

 

I tell you what. Very revealing, pretty deep. I had to get honest- perhaps those 'A' grades, the never in trouble child, validated me on being a good parent, when I often feel like a not good parent to my 8 y.o. PANS, and even the 6 y.o. who has taken the brunt of a lot of it.

I share all that to affirm, maybe, what MomwithOCDson said about 15 yr. old boys and going into high school- especially the high achieving ones with pressure, either from themselves or parents (me)

You are a GREAT mother- he is lucky to have you---- and what a gift he can share openly with you---he'll be okay----

It takes some getting used to, high school.

[Dedee]

S&S - Thank you for sharing your story. It is very helpful. Your son sounds so much like mine. I just wish he felt he could relax and miss an assignment or even make a B.

 

Nancy & LLM - We have actually done CBT with my son at Rothman. At the time we mostly were focusing on some food issues he was having. We did talk some about perfectionism but didn't do any interventions. I talked to him last night and told him the only way to get used to not being perfect is to do what they taught us in Florida. I thought he was going to freak! He said "Mom, please don't make me get a B". LOL! I think we should probably do some simulation where he makes bad grades etc.. Not sure if that will do it at this point, but I know that is the sort of thing we have done with my daughter who has the same kind of issues with homework.

 

I will talk with the Psychiatrist and see if he knows of any CBT providers in this area. So far we haven't been successful in finding any that we were happy with. That is why we have been to Rothman with my daughter 3 times now. That 12 hour drive is really getting old, let me tell ya. However, the Florida beaches never get old. :-0

 

So my son has his first Cross Country run tonight. Maybe that will relax him some and take his mind off some of the stresses of high school. I like what Nancy said about having the school psychiatrist available. Not sure if my son would actually take advantage of that but he really needs to talk with someone who can help keep things in perspective. I would appreciate any prayers for safety for my son. Thanks so much to everyone. You all are my rock.

 

Dedee

[Iowadawn]

I will admit I haven't read through all the posts. Our boy failed miserably on ssri's. Two different ones. Just this spring BuSpar was added for anxiety. Non-addictive, in a class by itself, so to speak. Older. May want to inquire about this one. Dawn