New Symptoms

[pgoody]

Hi there,

 

I was diagnosed with OCD when I was in 7th grade, however I saw a therapist when I was only 7 and I know I had social anxieties starting when I was only four years old, so whatever condition I have had it was definately early onset. From an early age through college my symptoms revolved around harming other people. I was on and off of Zoloft during that time, and it was very helpful for those symptoms. I have always been a very sensitive person as far as stress and my emotions are concerned. Recently (beginning after graduation), I spent a year in China which stressed the ###### out of me. I thought I was handeling myself during the time and was going off my meds thinking I was dealing with all of my problems. I sort of crashed after I returned home. I would describe these last two years as exteremely stressful as I do not handle life changes very well. I am normally a person who is poor at planning and likes to get stuck in a routine. I went to China as a sort of means to break out of that rut and to become a stronger person, but, I feel infact the opposite has happened and that perhaps my brain was trying to tell me something, that I should take 'er easy. Now my symptoms have gone from fear to overconfidence. I started taking Zoloft again about 6 months ago and have worked my way back up to 75mg. I was only taking 50mg before China and was feeling much better than I am now. I had experiences with paranoia, hatred, anger, complete apathy. I feel as if my emotions have been a punching bag and that I don't feel them anymore and that they have been completely numbed. My mind just goes and goes and goes and won't stop. I was having terrible insomnia and anger/irritability issues before I began to take Zoloft again. I was paranoid and I haven't been talking to my friends at all since I have come home. I used to play video games my entire life but completely cut them out when I realized the whole I was falling into. They were literally making me extremely angry, and infact caused me to realize my current state. Now I tend to hyperfocus on the present and have difficulty feeling my emotions. I sometimes feel like I trained myself to block my emotions out, but I have been trying really hard this past year to relax and feel them again, but trying to relax just stresses me out and makes me focus more on the stress that I constantly feel in my head. I feel like I am possibly experiencing extreme denial about life in general. About 6 months ago one of my dog's died and my Mom told me. I started crying for maybe 10-15 seconds but even then that felt extremely difficult to do and then the feeling was completely gone after maybe 15 seconds of crying. I feel like I am constantly focused on the present tense and constantly trying to justify that everything is Ok and that I don't need to worry even though I have been unemployed these last 9 months. I believe that I still have symptoms of my OCD, such as the constant stress and repetitive thinking, but I have newer problems like hyperfocus. I feel like when I am hyperfocused that I am trying to discover or completely understand something, so I end up processing, procesing, processing again and again. Can anyone relate? I need better treatment.

 

I am definitely in an over stimulated state. Hyperfocus, suspiscion, highly addictive, and would very much like not feel this way so I can actually move on with my life.

Edited June 13, 2013 by pgoody

[PowPow]

Hi pgoody,

I cannot relate exactly, but your description sounds quite a bit like my teenager's description of her symptoms.

Do you have a psychiatrist or psychologist? I think you need to get to a really good one. Does PANS/PANDAS stick out to you as maybe how your illness got started?

I am thinking that you may be able to get some help from an integrative medicine doctor or an LLMD (not necessarily for Lyme, but since they seem to get neuropsychiatric illness and organic causes, as opposed to purely psychological.)

If you can tell us where you live someone maybe able to offer some names for any of the above specialists.

I would also suggest that you contact the IOCDF for help. They are an excellent resource on different kinds of therapy (CBT, ERP, ACT, DBT) and also on the medical end.

I hope the best for you!

[pr40]

yours is a touching story.

Zoloft is probably dealing only with your symptoms, not with the underlying problems.

 

You may want to do PANDAS A B C and may want to find someone to help you through, a parent, a sibling or a friend.

A) extensive blood work -- someone had posted results of extensive blood work the other day, see what was done. all immune panels, vitamin and mineral deficiencies, lyme and coinfections, e tc.

detox -- including methylation, food sensitivity, possible mold, and so on.

C) therapy -- most of kids are in some kind of therapy. from what you describe you need someone to help you sort out your feelings, adjust your expectations, and so on.

It may seem overwhelming but I don't know of any other path that might help you improve

 

best of luck

Edited June 14, 2013 by pr40

[pgoody]

Thanks for the suggestions PowPow and pr40.

 

pr40, I will search later for the extensive blood work that person did, did they post it on this forum? Otherwise if you remember where you saw it could you send me the link?

[pr40]

do blood work search of the forum. several lists should come up.