I have suspected ocd for quite awhile

[krafteame]

Hi, I am new here. I stumbled across this site it seems by accident but I really dont believe in accidents or coincedences. I believe eveything happens for a reason, peoples lives cross for a purpose, It is free will in how we use all situations we come to experience. Now for the real reason I posted.

For years I have counted stuff. I can be driving, well stopped at a traffic light and out of no where I will think," if the light doesnt change by the time I count to 10 then such or such will end up happening" Or I will just count different things but they have to be by 3 or 2 or 5. Another thing I do is I have to put on a certian shoe and pant leg on first. The things I do isnt really noticeable to anyone and it doesnt outwardly effect my life but mentally I wonder to myself "Geeezzz am I a fruitcake or what?"

My husband does get impatient at bedtime because if my pillows and the bed is not just right I cannot get comfortable. It isnt so much as a firm ritual its just that I have to do things certian ways. I used to think I was just a "creature of habit" I defently am that if not more. I use certian spoon for my cereal, same cup to drink out of ect.

So what do you think? I know no one here can really dx me here but I was just hoping I could get some opinions.

One more thing I guess I should mention is I was a Hospice nurse for 20+yrs until a back injury 4yrs ago. I am now retired (disabled) from work.

These things never effected my career. But I believe I developed alot of this thru the years as almost a coping mechanism from the stress of being with so many people while they prepared to die and when they died. I have had a hard time dealing with my own mothers death in 2001. With my pts I would "allow" myself to cry and grief for a very short time then block it out. When it came time to grieve my mothers death I unconsc. would not let myself. I have begun healthfully grieving her death now but I realized I had learned the coping mechn way to well.

Im sorry this post has gotten so long. Its just hard to describe everything. I would be grateful for any comments . Lisa/krafteame