OCD Relationship?

[tomfh33]

Hey Guys,

 

I need your thoughts, opinions and comments on my current situation right now. I really do need your help and assistance in this matter as things aren't going so well for me. Here goes.

 

A little bit of a background of myself. I tend to always check several times upon leaving the house if the cooker is off, the lights are off and so on. I would go out of the house, lock the door, come back in and check the same things. Then I would make sure if the door is locked by trying to open it when its locked. Does this label me as being OCD?

 

Relationship OCD:

 

I have been in a relationship for the past 14 months. Somehow my girlfriend seems to be quite insecure about me and used to ask a lot of questions relating to my past. She began a barrage of questions sometime in September last year, that's about 5 months ago. She kept on asking me about my past. She was quite persistent.

 

So I ended up telling her absolutely everything about my past. And I mean everything since I began to have chest pains. It was as if someone was sitting on me. She didn't take it well at all.

 

After which I got bothered with this particular thought. Prior to our relationship getting under way, I told a few friends how she looked like my ex-fling. I felt guilty for saying that thus my anxiety built up for several months. I would wake up everyday with a terrible chest pain and at times I would feel lethargic, thus, waking up late during the day. At first i thought it would go away but the chest pain never did.

 

So after about 3 months, I had to tell her as I couldn't live everyday of my life like that. Again, she didn't handle it well. It was terrible in fact. She met up with another guy for half an hour who happens to like her and she wanted to see "how the feeling was with other guys". I forgave her.

 

Moving on, a few weeks after I started to have negative thoughts. For instance, the name of my ex-fling would appear in my mind whenever I would see my girlfriend. And at times I would get reminded of my ex-fling whenever I would be with her too. To add on, sometimes when we would be making love or kissing my mind would think that I am doing it with my ex-fling.

 

I can't stand these thoughts and I want to stop thinking about it! My mind seems to have a mind of its own. I can't seem to control it.

 

Suddenly, I started to feel guilty and I began to share all my thoughts on my mind with my girlfriend. EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT. So I would tell my girlfriend the above thoughts and she definitely wouldn't take it lightly. We had numerous, if not, daily arguments with each other about my thoughts in my mind as I can't seem to stop telling her everything.

 

The deal is, if I don't tell her everything I would begin to start having chest pains. And the only time the chest pains would be relieved is when I have to tell her the thought that has been bothering me. It's a cycle, a never ending cycle.

 

1. I get bothered with my thoughts

2. I get chest pains

3. I tell her

4. She creates an argument

5. My chest is relieved

6. A day a later, I get another thought

7. Back to Square 1.

 

What's the problem here? Can you guys help me out, please? I am in need of help.

[MomWithOCDSon]

In OCD there's a particular type of compulsion called "scrupulosity." It was originally coined to describe people who's compulsions were about being sufficiently righteous in a religious sense; they would fear that God would exact retribution on themselves or the ones they loved if they didn't serve their faith sufficiently in every regard, from attending services, to praying "just right" at the same time every day, to always being truthful and never even telling so much as a "lie by ommission" because that wouldn't be following the tenants of the religion properly, and God would have consequences for them as a result.

 

In the more modern sense, scrupulosity is about a compulsion to be morally and ethically beyond reproach. It can drive people with OCD to make constant, repeated confessions, both about real infractions and imagined ones. The person will feel as though they are going to "burst" if they withhold the confession (your chest pain, perhaps). My son has scrupulosity, so I know it well.

 

Between those scenarios with your compulsive confessions to your girlfriends and the "checking" you feel compelled to do on a regular basis, I would say that it looks very much like OCD to me. We've been living with it in our house for 8 years now, and I think I've seen almost every "trick" and form OCD can take during that time frame.

 

I urge you to seek out a good therapist. Through Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and/or Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) therapy, you can learn how to manage those compulsions and prevent the OCD from increasingly taking over your life. Your therapist can help you decide, also, if some medication might not even further assist you in reclaiming your life from the anxiety.

 

The International Obsessive Compulsive Foundation (IOCDF) has a great website with a "Find a Therapist" page that may help you find someone professional to talk to:

 

IOCDF - Find a Therapist

 

And if you want to see more about scrupulosity, checking behaviors and other manifestations of OCD, this site has great short articles on them, written by working therapists.

 

OCD Chicago - Expert Perspectives

 

All the best to you.

[tomfh33]

In OCD there's a particular type of compulsion called "scrupulosity." It was originally coined to describe people who's compulsions were about being sufficiently righteous in a religious sense; they would fear that God would exact retribution on themselves or the ones they loved if they didn't serve their faith sufficiently in every regard, from attending services, to praying "just right" at the same time every day, to always being truthful and never even telling so much as a "lie by ommission" because that wouldn't be following the tenants of the religion properly, and God would have consequences for them as a result.

 

In the more modern sense, scrupulosity is about a compulsion to be morally and ethically beyond reproach. It can drive people with OCD to make constant, repeated confessions, both about real infractions and imagined ones. The person will feel as though they are going to "burst" if they withhold the confession (your chest pain, perhaps). My son has scrupulosity, so I know it well.

 

Between those scenarios with your compulsive confessions to your girlfriends and the "checking" you feel compelled to do on a regular basis, I would say that it looks very much like OCD to me. We've been living with it in our house for 8 years now, and I think I've seen almost every "trick" and form OCD can take during that time frame.

 

I urge you to seek out a good therapist. Through Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and/or Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) therapy, you can learn how to manage those compulsions and prevent the OCD from increasingly taking over your life. Your therapist can help you decide, also, if some medication might not even further assist you in reclaiming your life from the anxiety.

 

The International Obsessive Compulsive Foundation (IOCDF) has a great website with a "Find a Therapist" page that may help you find someone professional to talk to:

 

IOCDF - Find a Therapist

 

And if you want to see more about scrupulosity, checking behaviors and other manifestations of OCD, this site has great short articles on them, written by working therapists.

 

OCD Chicago - Expert Perspectives

 

All the best to you.

 

Thank you for prompt reply! The weird is thing is that this didn't happen before even during our relationship up until it's 9th or 10th month. What do you think triggered it?

[MomWithOCDSon]

Thank you for prompt reply! The weird is thing is that this didn't happen before even during our relationship up until it's 9th or 10th month. What do you think triggered it?

 

Have you been physically sick lately? A cold, a virus, perhaps?

[tomfh33]

Thank you for prompt reply! The weird is thing is that this didn't happen before even during our relationship up until it's 9th or 10th month. What do you think triggered it?

 

Have you been physically sick lately? A cold, a virus, perhaps?

 

Nope, not at all, thank goodness. Why are you asking?

[MomWithOCDSon]

Thank you for prompt reply! The weird is thing is that this didn't happen before even during our relationship up until it's 9th or 10th month. What do you think triggered it?

 

Have you been physically sick lately? A cold, a virus, perhaps?

 

Nope, not at all, thank goodness. Why are you asking?

 

There's increasing research and evidence -- both scientific and anecdotal -- that OCD can have both a genetic component and an environmental one. The environmental one can serve as the "trigger," setting off the genetic tendency. Have you ever seen the television shows like "Obsessed," "Hoarders" or "The OCD Project" on A&E and/or VH1? In interviewing the people suffering with OCD, they frequently tell a story about how their OCD began or significantly increased following a "tragic event" in their lives: the death or severe illness of a loved one, a freak accident, etc.

 

Meanwhile, many of us with kids with OCD have been finding that illness can trigger the behaviors because of an auto-immune condition known as Pediatric Auto-immune Neuropsychiatric Disorder Associated with Strep (PANDAS), in which microbes (turns out it's not just strep, but can also be lyme, myco pneumonia, etc.) trigger antibodies which cause inflammation in the basal ganglia and set off the OCD. That's sort of a "Cliff Notes" version and certainly not at all inclusive or detailed, but it's behind my question to you.

 

There's a PANDAS forum here at ACN, too, where the manifestations and treatments of this particular condition are discussed, and lots of resources there on a "Pinned Threads" topic. You could check that out, should you sense that physical illness might play any sort of role in your obsessive thinking. Anyway, there are several adults on the forum who also have PANDAS, suggesting that the "pediatric" part of the current name for the condition is a misnomer. That perhaps illness can also trigger the condition in adults as well as kids.

 

So, since your post didn't mention any traumatic events, I thought it was worth asking if you'd been ill . . . or maybe even exposed to a viral or bacterial illness . . . recently?

 

Other than your checking behaviors, have you noticed anything else about your behaviors prior to this particular relationship? Do you, for instance, feel compelled to keep certain things or places in your home or workplace exceptionally well organized? Do you feel any urge to "even up" items or behaviors, say, tapping the table with your right hand and then wanting to tap it with your left, as well? When did your checking begin? Have you been doing the checking for years, or is this relatively recent also?

 

I guess, in your shoes, I would read as much as I could . . . like via the IOCDF web site I suggested earlier . . . to see if I recognize any of the other components of OCD within myself. And I would definitely seek out a psychologist or psychiatrist who could help you identify if this truly is OCD in your case, and what you might do from here.

 

I do have another idea; you could try taking this self-test and see how you score. This is called the Yale-Bocs test, and it provides a number scale for severity of OCD. This could be a relatively quick and easy way for you to self-assess the tendencies you're describing thus far.

 

Y-BOCS On-Line

 

All the best to you.

[tomfh33]

Once again, thank you Nancy for your long response. Well, as far as I know I'm pretty healthy, thank God.

 

On another note, I do have to say that prior to the relationship I had severe OCD incidents, for instance when I was at around 8 years old I would always line up my bedroom shoes parallel, in a specific position. And at times I would always triple check the tap in public places, if I closed it well or not. However, during my teenage years 16-20, I rarely had any issues except for the usual occurrence of checking the door knob, the cooker and the taps which didn't bother me at all. However, ever since that incident in our relationship where I got bombarded, integrated and suffered a three month chest pain, my mind was accustomed to always tell every single detail to my girlfriend even thoughts which are obscene.

 

Thats about it. Thank for your link to the Yale-Brown test. I'll take it right now.

 

Thanks again Nancy!