Advice Please

[Joan Pandas Mom]

DS is refusing to start Clyndamycin until we go on vacation this coming Saturday. OCD is SOOOOO BAD right now. I almost took him to the hospital a few days ago. He isn't eating enough, he is standing for hours at a time just staring at the wall, floor or sometimes tv, he is in and out doors over and over. I'm afraid to take him through an airport and on a plane unprotected with antibiotics right now. He hasn't had any fun at all this winter. He hasn't been able to attend school. He barely sees his friends. I invited one of his friends to come and DS was really looking forward to it. What would you do? I don't see how he could get any worse.

[peglem]

Will he start taking it Saturday, or wait til after vacation? Would it work to tell him that you need to see if he has side effects before you go on vacation, because during vacation it will be harder to get it changed if there are problems? Sometimes presenting things as the safest thing to do helps- well, at least it does w/ my kid whose obsessions seem to revolve mostly around safety.

[KaraM]

If you do ERP with him and use distraction as a tool, could you try to give it to him while he's distracted? My dd8 was refusing her medication last night (because she thought dh dropped it on the ground and contaminated it). Eventually, he got her to take it while she was distracted with a video.

 

I don't know how things will go today - she's already waking up and saying the counter where we keep the meds ard contaminated....but that's what worked last night.

 

 

[Joan Pandas Mom]

He might take it Sat. or Sun. OCD has a certain date and he won't tell it to me. I told him he really needs the protection from strep on the plane, but he won't budge. I might just go and hope we can get back early if things get worse (oh, that is a horrible thought). I am planning on taking a few different kinds of abx with me. He is refusing to do any ERP either. Gosh, I hate this disease. It seems every where I turn, I hit a wall.

[MomWithOCDSon]

Joan --

 

Is trust an issue for your son?

 

I ask because we're going through an upswing in our house the last few days, too (I blame myself for trying to decrease his antibiotics in February, and a couple of viruses that have been going around at school). And the latest and most potent manifestation of his OCD now seems to be that he doesn't know who he can trust, including his dad and me. So when we instruct him to take ibuprofen, for instance, he says he has to "think" before he takes it, that he's not sure he should trust us when we give it to him, etc.

 

In a rational moment, DS and I had this long talk because he's developed these thought rituals where he has to think about everything DH or I tell him/ask him to do before he'll do it, including walking out the door to go to school, taking meds, getting in the car (especially with DH at the wheel), etc., even though there've been zero traumatic experiences for him in this regard in his 14 years of life thus far. He said that he feels like he's being subjected to "peer pressure" when his dad and I tell him to do something, that we're dictating to him when he feels as though he needs to "think" about something. It's like standard teenage/untie-the-apron-strings independence angst "on steroids" thanks to the OCD!

 

Even when I've reminded him that we're not his peers, we're his parents, and that he isn't doing rational "thinking" but rather getting caught up in an OCD thought ritual instead, he'll fall victim to the same behaviors the next day or the day after that. What it seems to come down to is trust; the OCD is his "constant companion" on some level, so he tends to trust it more than he does us, or his therapist, or his doctor, or his teachers . . . . . .

 

It's infuriating and scary, and I'm not sure how to get past it myself . . . . . Thankfully, thus far, we can usually get past it and raise our real, rational DS from the ashes of a 15-minute episode and move forward with our day. But if the meds don't help him (and us) get a newly firm grip on things soon, I can see how it could spiral further.

 

Honestly, like you guys, we've been immersed in the CBT/ERP world for years now, and I can't even begin to come up with an exercise that really addresses this.

[thereishope]

How old is your son again? If the OCD is telling him he cannot start the antibiotics until a certain date, what if you ask him if you can start a different antibiotic instead. You can still give the clindamycin and call it something else. Or tell him that you'll help him keep it a secret from his OCD and the OCD won't know he started it early.

[Joan Pandas Mom]

I think you are right about trusting the OCD more than trusting anything else. It is his constant companion. I tried telling him tonight that OCD isn't his friend. It is trying to hurt him by convincing him not to take his meds. He still is stuck on starting it after we leave. Hopefully he will.

 

Hi Vickie, he is 16. I tried that too and he won't budge. I explained to him that if he goes unprotected without abx he could end up staying like this for a long. time. I reminded him how bad he can get and how long it takes for the body to heal. He is or OCD is so stubborn.

[wornoutmom]

Joan: I may be going out on a limb here, but I wonder if this may be one of those put your foot down moments. As in "this is not negotiable. this is not up to you or OCD. this is a medical necessity and we aren't negotiating when you take it. You will not go on vacation unless this is in your system". Only you know if this could work with your son. I have not had to go there often with my ds15, but sometimes I do and if I hold fast and strong enough, and he has enough time to think about it, he acquiesces. It takes a lot of energy and strength to hold that position and sometimes I just don't have it, and would truly understand if you don't have it either given all you've been through. But if he fell down the stairs and a bone was sticking out of his leg, how firm would you be about having to call an ambulance. This is just as important, if not more...

[Joan Pandas Mom]

Thanks for the help guys. I tried to put my foot down. He said he didn't know when or if he could start treatment then. Now he is saying he will take it Sat. night when we arrive. Oh, I hope he sticks to that. Two more days. We are going to St. Lucia. I looked up Saint Lucia, it was named after St. Lucy. She is a patron of eyes, a few other things and throat infections.

[MomWithOCDSon]

I looked up Saint Lucia, it was named after St. Lucy. She is a patron of eyes, a few other things and throat infections.

 

That's pretty ironic, I must say.

 

We've been using a "Lucy analogy" lately ourselves with our DS, only ours is Lucy van Pelt of "Peanuts" fame. Trying to explain to DS that the OCD is like Lucy, holding the football for Charlie Brown for the umpteenth time, making promises she has no intention of keeping. And he's Charlie Brown, falling for the same gosh-darned trick over and over and over again, and just ending up flat on his back!

 

I like St. Lucia better, though! At least it'll be warm and sunny.

 

I'll be holding you and your DS in my thoughts come Saturday. Will he shake on it (his deal about taking the meds then)with you? And then will his scrupulosity help him hold to the deal he's made? Maybe there's a tiny pie-wedge of the OCD (scrupulosity) you could use in your favor this time around!

[smartyjones]

We've been using a "Lucy analogy" lately ourselves with our DS, only ours is Lucy van Pelt of "Peanuts" fame. Trying to explain to DS that the OCD is like Lucy, holding the football for Charlie Brown for the umpteenth time, making promises she has no intention of keeping. And he's Charlie Brown, falling for the same gosh-darned trick over and over and over again, and just ending up flat on his back!

 

oh mom -- you're hilarious!!

 

joan -- i know you have tried everything -- are you familiar with the repeating technique from The Explosive Child? i've used this to keep an explosion in check but also for ds when he's being unreasonable. not to the level that you're talking about but like this. . . ds is gf/cf so his dining out options are limited. one day after a dr's appt and far from home, he states he's not going to where we had planned on having lunch -- it's one of his favorite places. him, "i'm not going there!". me, "you're not going?". him, "i'm not going" me "really? hmm" him, "i'm not eating there." me, "really? not eating there". after a little of this, some silence, then him "i guess i'll have lunch there."

 

i really think when it's thrown back at him, he couldn't come up with any reason not to go there. if i had discussed that we didn't have other options, he really likes this place blah, blah, it would have just entrenched him further in that he wasn't going. now, i will disclaim, that ds's ocd seems to be along the lines of "just right" where he doesn't really have reasons to back things up, it's just not right. that's probably why it works for him b/c he realizes he can't justify it. this may not be so successful if someone has an undisclosed reason with their OCD.

 

check out http://www.livesinth...problem-solving. keep in mind that he is speaking about "generic" challenging behavior. i know what you are dealing with is different and the solution is medical. however, i've found some good coping techniques as we are working on the medical solution.